Jason, I am so sorry. Try to stay busy and I might suggest walking or running, or some type of exercise. Ask someone to join you for a one hour walk in the morning if possible. Having a routine will help you sleep and feel energized through the day. Don’t dwell on her suffering. She is on a safe place and while the first few times I worried, I later began to trust that they had their work to do and I had to let go. I understand your concern but it is time to take of yourself also.
Think of habits that bring you peace and make you smile. Take the time to Get to know yourself and every time you feel the loss and weight of that loss, reframe it to “time to get busy and take care of me”.
I have to do this several times a day because my son is non compliant and it is so damn sad right now. I feel like I’m in a race but cannot push. I have to be loving and respectful and encourage him. It’s frustrating but I do follow this advice. I visit nurseries and just study plants. I walk with a couple of friends first thing in the morning and while my family are asleep. It is so rewarding and if I miss a few days, I have had panic attacks. Take care and this too shall pass. I know… It’s easy for me to say. God bless you both. You don’t know the future and 90% of what we worry about never will happen.