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My 42 yo wife seems to b sz been a month


#67

My darling wife still hates me and she hears everything I’m doing with her super sonic hearing so she knows how awful of a person I am because she hears everything has no reaction to a grown man crying other anger because I’m no getting it through my head how she doesn’t love me anymore some
E days I can convince her that we’re just friends that’s the best it gets . The idea that I probably lost my wife is so mind blowing to me when we were so close like teenagers in love . I’m trying to get myself into a space where I’m just grateful for the time we had but then I just feel guilty because had I had a clue what was coming it could have been even better maybe so good that she would never feel like she does today but who knows…?
Really seems like they hang on to these delusions
Like the ideas become permantly imprinted in there brain how do I survive with some assembalance of
Happiness or am I doomed to be sad forever it’s like if let go maybe I have a chance to b happy again some day but hanging on is really starting to feel like a decision to be miserable . She was the best would
Not have traded her for anyone in the world and here I am alone and miserable with little hope
And I know that Hope is all I have to hang on too but it’s so hard to remain hopeful when meds are making no difference at all and everyday I go there just to have my heart stomped all over WTF GOD why I m so pissed at God I’m so pissed at myself and I’m so pissed at her


#68

Jason, all I can say is it is normal to feel the way you do. Try to ask as many questions as you can and know that no one is alike. Even the so called experts don’t agree and will tell you everyone is different. I pray that you find some hope or peace about your decision.


#69

Yesterday was suppose to began abbillfy were giving up on zyprexa and so worried that time is running out
Anyway the stress is really making my brain mush but the one good thing I lost 15 lbs and feel like I’m looking pretty good for almost 40 now lol everyday just feels the same as the one before I don’t want to lose but can’t help but to feel like I have would not have been my choice but I’m just gonna keep myself together and try to have the best life I can I will definitely wait a good while before trying to get my ñself involved in another relationship because I really do prefer to spend my life with her but I don’t what my limit is ill b 40 in another year and I don’t want to b alone so I think 1 year is it it’s my limit if I have any hope of this getting better for us together than I will just hold on for a year but after that hope or not I’m done the pain is enough for a lifetime and I can’t keep beating myself up she is chosing even if it is with a faulty brain she is still an adult who is making a choice


#70

well my love is going to California her dad has come to take her to a treatment facility there she doesn’t want me involved because I’m the bastard who put her in the hospital and had no reason for doing so she has no intention on ever being with me again .
I’m so worried that gonna wind up getting stuck on the other side of the country now once insurance reaches cap at the facility if she isn’t doing a lot better what then does she get back into a psych ward in a public hospital in California
Had my blood pressure checked this week and it was 165 over 100 the stress from all this is gonna give me a heart attack before 40 I don’t know if I should look at this as a blessing no more running home from city everyday to c her just to be abused but I’m a glutton for punishment I just don’t wanna except the woman I was gonna spend the rest of my years with is gone I really did not choose this I would have stuck it out but maybe I’m too driven by my heart and maybe my heart would not have held out I do have my kids from ex marriage that I’m supporting who still need a lot of dads money and I might actually die from the stress of loving someone psychotic so maybe thing are just working themselves out the way
They have too for the greater good of all .
I would still give everything for one more day like any day we had for the last year before this began soooooooo saddddd


#71

Hi Jason,

I’m sorry your wife is still so symptomatic. I think it’s really good she is going somewhere to be treated.

Since this is what’s happening, I hope you take the time for yourself to rest, get some fun activities in each week or so, and let yourself process what is happening and what has happened.

I don’t know what will happen with your wife, but 75% of people who experience psychosis recover to some extent. So there is hope.

You don’t have to decide anything right now. Get yourself in a healthy, well-rested place and give yourself the time and space you need.


#72

Yes, Jason it is soooooo sad! I’m sorry that you are hurting but if you weren’t Well I wouldn’t want to be that person either. The sadness over losing her is real and you are grieving. In NAMI, I learned there are four stages of grief and you will likely go through each of those stages.
You don’t know the future, she may get help and reach out but you have to live a day at a time and do what is good for you today. Tomorrow wake up and do what is good tomorrow and be the best you can be for your children.
You will have empathy for families going through this and you will be able to help others in ways no one else could besides you. You know what it is like to live with MI and the uncertainty it leaves in its wake.
Don’t think you know the outcome before it comes. No one can know. Just be kind to yourself. I wish you the best and hope your heart heals.


#73

Yes I’m not a crying type guy but the pain this illness brings is unbearable at times. I can well up at anytime I think of her (like now) but frequently in the truck or shower. I had one really bad time in the shower where the pain and crying was unbearable and I hope I never have an episode that bad again.


#74

My husband calls it “bearing the unbearable”. I’m so sorry.


#75

I don’t even know where my MI wife is or how she is doing when I call the facility they will only say cannot confirm or deny I want to be angry because I feel abandoned and we made a promise to always be there for each other and here I am alone .But the fact that I don’t know whether she is suffering makes it impossible to be so selfish to think about how I feel .My life feels as sad as I think any person can handle I’m feeling like I’ve gone crazy one minute I feel like moving on with my life is the only cure and the next I have hope that she will come back home which would be enough for me to be content .It feels like the sadness is all I have feeling good never lasts more than a few minutes and the guilt for thinking I should be happy when she has lost her mind .ive been showing up for work and keeping my tears for the most part till I’m home alone but I’m so unhappy missing my best friend so much don’t know how I will get through this other than walking around like a robot doing what I have to because I have too but never what I want too


#76

Jason, I am so sorry. Try to stay busy and I might suggest walking or running, or some type of exercise. Ask someone to join you for a one hour walk in the morning if possible. Having a routine will help you sleep and feel energized through the day. Don’t dwell on her suffering. She is on a safe place and while the first few times I worried, I later began to trust that they had their work to do and I had to let go. I understand your concern but it is time to take of yourself also.

Think of habits that bring you peace and make you smile. Take the time to Get to know yourself and every time you feel the loss and weight of that loss, reframe it to “time to get busy and take care of me”.

I have to do this several times a day because my son is non compliant and it is so damn sad right now. I feel like I’m in a race but cannot push. I have to be loving and respectful and encourage him. It’s frustrating but I do follow this advice. I visit nurseries and just study plants. I walk with a couple of friends first thing in the morning and while my family are asleep. It is so rewarding and if I miss a few days, I have had panic attacks. Take care and this too shall pass. I know… It’s easy for me to say. God bless you both. You don’t know the future and 90% of what we worry about never will happen.


#77

Is she in California?
Or is she still at your local hospital?
Maybe you can contact her parents and get an update on her condition.


#78

She is in California and I’ve sent her dad a couple messages and he is obviously ignoring me we never liked each other and he sick enough that if her bad feeling are aimed at me he would co sign everyone her crazy ideas he even told her that I’m the one who put her there when she was hospital locally


#79

That’s a tough situation, Jason, I feel for you.
Probably the only thing you can do right now is to keep leaving messages for the dad. Be nice, but forceful. Remind him that you are still married and you have a right to know how she is doing.

That’s my 2 cents.
Good luck!


#80

OMG I have to share some hope I’ve wanted to give up but at every turn I kept hope and didn’t take a step in the step I felt was letting go or moving on went to pharmacy for a new toothbrush and got her 1 as well , renewed my gym membership and was offered for half price just for myself and told myself she might come home and go with me even though she never has but kept holding on to hope her father got her to sign all kinds of stuff and had me servers with divorce papers on her behalf but all fill out and signed by him but still I had hope and 2 nights ago just felt her and so I called the cell phone I kept paying in case she wanted to call me sometime and guess who picked up it was her it was the woman I knew all these years her voice was back her tempermant was back and she still believes she wants a divorce because in her mind I threw her in this hospital for no reason but the meds have finally had a very effective outcome and she is back and her father had her in a cab on the way to another pyscward in California now because insurance was done paying for luxury digs so I told her turn the cab around and go to the closet hotel to the airport and I have a room waiting and the first flight home in the morning so as I said hope my best friend is home and I know that tommorow is not guaranteed but today is just perfect so meds took 7 weeks to make a real change and I pray this last a good long time I pray for all of your family’s and please pray for mine and thanks for the support


#81

That is so wonderful to hear and very romantic! I will pray for you both and ask for prayers with my son too! Keep hope alive!


#82

So many meds all black label very scary I’m already having tell myself shut up over and over and I’m like making sure she takes them and that pisses her off
I suggested a pDOc and she said I can call and set I up so that’s good I guess but she is stressed over money and wants to throw herself into work she work in the countries worst jail “ STRESSER” but I can’t tell her what to do I just keep suggesting she take a little more time for herself but I don’t know how long gonna be able to stop her probably not very .
I’m so happy to see her doing better but now I want to protect her again and that’s what got me in trouble before so I have to let her find her way she is functioning at a very high level other than the drowsiness from all the meds so maybe I don’t have to worry so and as far as the pDOc they guessing just like the rest of us but I’m hoping to find someone she can respect more than me so if adjustments need to be made maybe she will b willing
It’s funny because there was zero insight during the pycosis which I thought was the anosognosia but now she refers to the period as when she was crazy she is definitely not a fan of being labeled well I’m trying act as if can’t kiss her of touch her because she no longer feels that way about me she says it’s rather hurtful but nothing compared with not knowing where she is or how she is just looking at her not in a state of terror makes my day i can totally empathize with these family struggling on bringing there loved one home so scary yet wouldn’t want it any other way


#83

Good point on the anosognosia - yes, it remains even when they aren’t having an episode. Really hoping she stays on her meds and you two have a good life together once again.


#84

Update things r turnng back towards what they where was going great for a week now I don’t know and she refused to make appt with Pdoc
She s definitely taking g the meds but it’s getting scary again