My boyfriend has schizophrenia, PTSD and autism. He receives treatment and takes his medication regularly. However my boyfriend has a history of alcohol abuse - he goes on week long drinking binges. Sometimes he smokes weed and makes himself relapse, he was struggling with PTSD so he would drink and smoke weed to numb everything out. Everything was going so well, until he moved into his apartment and of course his neighbour HAD to be a dealer. My boyfriend always pushes me away when he gets stoned, a month ago he bought a bag off his neighbour. He gave me the bag and I took it off him. Two weeks ago, my boyfriend starts becoming distant. He agreed to go to the gym with me, but ignored my phone calls while he was clearly online. When he started talking to me again, he admitted that he took edibles for a week because he was “bored.” I lost my temper with him for being so reckless and destructive, he knows he isn’t supposed to smoke weed and that it will trigger an epsiode, yet he still did it. I knew this was gonna happen with his neighbour being a dealer but my boyfriend said he’s moving out. He had to go to hospital because he was coughing up blood from vaping and taking too much edibles, now he has to take antibiotics for 6 weeks.
We talked everything out, so I thought everything was okay. Then he asks me for a 10 day break, he insisted that everything between us was alright - he said he was feeling paranoid about being spied on and that there are some things he needs to do - I can’t really explain. He came over to my house to explain more, he seemed happy to see me and was a bit emotional when he kissed and cuddled me. I agreed to give him space. Then I get a phone call from the police last Tuesday, telling me that they’re with my boyfriend and asking me if I’m okay. My boyfriend still wouldn’t talk to me until the 21st and the police woman couldn’t tell me what happened.
It’s now the 22nd and I haven’t heard a word from him. I tried to call him yesterday and his phone is turned off. I don’t know what to do, I’m so desperate to talk to him but I’m also furious at him because none of this wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t take weed. I’m so scared, I just want things to go back to normal
I tried to call his local police station yesterday but they don’t have a custody suite, so I’m gonna try and ring my local police station. I’ve had to contact his sister several times in the past but that was when he still lived with her, now that he lives on his own I’ve got a feeling none of his family know where he is or have been in touch with him. I really don’t want to keep bothering his family.
You’re probably right. Or else he’s simply too paranoid to use his phone. When the police woman called me, I could hear him talking in the background and he sounded scared. It’s almost like he wanted to talk to me but felt like he couldn’t. He was certainly more emotional and touchy with me before we went no contact. I’m gonna take your suggestion and contact the hospital. If not, I’ll contact his sister but I hope it doesn’t come to that.
My ex boyfriend run away many times, sometimes he was ending up in hospitals and they were taking the phone.
You should ask yourself why he run anway. My ex boyfriend was running away everytime things were stable or required to take responsibility in the relationship things I was trying to build. When I finally helped him to get his own stability alone, he kicked me out of his life and ended the relationship because he was afraid he would have run away again and lose everything. It was the “final runaway” this time from the relationship itself. it happened 2 weeks ago after 7 years and I am heart broken and it was a shock for me. So please try to understand well why he run away.
I am still here on this forum and alone trying to give a sense to all of this. When finally we could have been together at his place where he had everything he left me. I spoke also with a psychiatrist about this. Sometimes I see it as a “scam” sometimes I am desperate because the illness did that, sometimes I hope he changes his mind. Me and my love became a threat, a pressure and you can’t imagine how much this hurts me.
It could be a combination of things but it’s mostly his addictive personality that sets everything back. He has always had a drinking problem - his idea of moderate drinking is 14 cans of beers. He has an unbelievably high tolerance. Things are great for awhile until he gets tempted to drink or smoke weed, then he triggers his schizophrenia all over again. It doesn’t help that he lives next door to a dealer
When I asked why he wanted a break, I didn’t get a clear answer but he said it was nothing to do with me - I know he has other stuff going on, but I think part of it is because I lost my temper with him for smoking weed but I apologised for being harsh. It almost feels like a punishment, but at least he asked me for space instead of disappearing randomly.
Still, it’s unbearable waiting for this to be over, the uncertainty, wondering if I’ll ever get him back. If I do get him back, I don’t know what I’m going to say. I have to hold myself together all the time and not think about him too much because I end up spiraling. It’s just painful and confusing. I can only imagine what you’re going through.
Exactly, he broke up with me telling me I don’t have to hope, but he talked about an “uncertanty”…told me that if I don’t want to live in the uncertainty I should not. He keep texting (about general things and flat messages, I don’t feel the real connection anymore) and told me he would have called today but he didn’t so far. He put me in this uncertainty that is probably a fake uncertainty and works only for him so he doesn’t have to face the relationship nor the real break up but for me is hell as I still hope like an idiot. But even if he comes back, if in his mind too much closeness or love is a threat, how could this ever work? I am really doing bad, me too I end up spiraling and it’s painfull and confusing because he made it confusing.
Going to Alanon meetings in person or online is very helpful- many people with schizophrenia use drugs and alcohol- Alanon can help one find your own sanity. We didn’t cause schizophrenia, can’t cure it nor control it- same with alcohol and drug abuse. Take care-
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I really feel for you right now. I can only hope you can find some peace of mind from all this heartache and confusion some day, I wish you all the best
Just to give an update: I contacted my boyfriends sister two days ago and she has confirmed that the police have taken him to a mental ward and he’s been there since. He’s had his phone confiscated and he isn’t allowed to have visitors yet. I’m just so relieved that he’s safe. Thank you everyone for the replies, it means a lot!
glad you found him. I just hope he is not the runaway type as my ex boyfriend ( alas) now. We are still in contact and everytime I try to ask him what role should I have in his life now since I still love him he cannot answer or says stuff like he is scared to grow old with someone and disappears again. I am really going through hell…
Unfortunately my boyfriend is the exact same. He’s been trying to get a passport because he wants to “travel”. By travelling he means running away to a random country without telling anyone, his phone turned off, falling in with the wrong people and going on reckless benders and I won’t be able to do anything about it.
The thought of this scares me and the worst thing about it is that it’s probably going to happen one day. I’m dreading the day he finally gets sorted with a passport because he’s a danger to himself, the fact that someone so mentally ill and vulnerable can easily get a passport makes me uneasy. Its a shame because I would love to travel with him, we’ve talked about going on holiday together.
It seems like your boyfriend is conflicted between wanting to stay with you and pushing you away because he feels like you deserve better. It seems like schizophrenia tricks people into thinking that running away will make things easier, I know they don’t mean to hurt us. I hope he can figure out what he wants. I hope the two of you can overcome this, sorry for rambling
I don’t know if he’s really in conflict…he plays like he is but after all he ended the relationship, then after I wrote him a letter explaining I understand him, his fears, that I love him but I would like to know what he expects now from me since he texts everyday and he told me he would have called and he did but he said he is scared of living and growing old with someone…and yet he keeps living (thank God) and he keeps contacting me every day…so right now he is more on the No side and I don’t think there is a way to get him back wanting to continue a relationship with me. He said he is not happier but it’s easier to manage this way… he said he would have called back to talk more and he didn’t. i don’t know what to do, I don’t understand the meaning if his contacts if he thinks this and what does he want from me. I’m really suffering I won’t move on this way.
I agree that is weird thet such fragile people can have a passport but afterall they are responsible for themselves, even if they are mentally ill if they commit a crime they are still responsible for it so yeah they can have a passport and travel and do whatever they want. If your boyfriend is a runaway at some point when there is nothing left to runaway from he might run away from the relationship like my bf did so be careful.
He’s still in the mental ward, still not allowed to have visitors. I think he’s been sectioned for 28 days - if I don’t hear from him then I’ll contact his sister. I’m feeling better knowing he’s safe but I’m still a little bit pissed off at him for being irresponsible and reckless with weed ( edibles ), he should have known better than to take that stuff. This isn’t the first time he’s landed himself in hospital for alcohol/substance abuse. He gave himself a seizure once from a weeks worth of binge drinking his destructive behaviour is a strain on our otherwise great relationship.
I’ll post an update if I hear anything, all I can do is wait. I hope you hear more from your partner, it’s a horrible thing to go through.
his destructive behaviour is a strain on our otherwise great relationship.