But what if agreeing with them ultimately means admitting to doing something that you didn’t do and by doing this could put you as risk of a violent reaction…for example, my husband was molested as a child. He did not know until he was 18 or 19 when a visiting family member let it slip. He has apparently blocked it out & thankfully continued to do so for good 20yrs. Then about a year ago, it all came back. Like a flood the memories came rushing back & now at 42yrs old he suddenly remembered everything, or what we think is everything. Why they came back I don’t know, but he hasn’t dealt with it or even spoken about it since that HORRIBLE night. Now when he’s in a delusion he thinks im doing that to our kids, then our oldest sone to his lil brother, then me to both our kids & the neighbors. Then he started saying i killed a baby, molested it to death & hid it in the attic. He gets in my face insisting i did these things, demanding answers & has even threatened to kill me. How do you go along with something like that. And even if you could stomach going along with it to avoid making things worse, how do you without putting yourself at risk.
My husband is the exact same way! He constantly is accusing me of cheating saying he hears me talking when I’m not, just last night he said he saw me doing sign language to a guy in the hallway of our home I don’t even know how to do sign language… he says he sees the guys in the house and I’m letting them in the door while he is sleeping. I talked more to him last night to figure out what exactly what he is seeing to try and understand and he says he doesn’t see actually people like can’t see what they look like he just sees shadows and it’s mostly at night. He also told me hears voices quite often. He has agreed to help and just started on a new medication. He is a former drug user so I think the meth has a lot to do with all this and it doesn’t help that he drinks now.
This especially has been challenging for me. My partner has a history of drug use (meth included) and currently tries to self medicate with alcohol, and prescribed meds (*when on adderall he usually destabilizes and gets paranoid like psychosis with illegal amphetamines). He says these things dont effect him negatively, but living together 5 yrs ive seen him get so much more stable the more sober he is, and worse the less he is sober. He gets angry at me for trying to get him to stop and says it’s always as bad. Hes a very addictive person.
My partner thinks i cheat on him, im called a doll and brainwashed by people, and i try to poison him. He has been in periods of more extreme psychosis and will list things that hes connected that dont even make sense to me. Places, and random people i didnt even know or see. Im faithful to him, I’ve never talked inappropriately, touched or been with anyone but him throughout. He’s constantly grappling with this, and asking me if i am doing this or what I’ve been up to. He’ll get angry with me sometimes, when i dont understand what exactly he even really thinks is going on, but also i see how devastatingly stressed hearing these things are happening make him other times. He doesnt want it to be true, but because of sz cant help but not believe his delusions somewhat. He used to check bathrooms at a previous shared workplace overnight when we worked as he thought id go in and someone was there id meet. I kissed him once when he was in a period of psychosis and he said my mouth tasted like novacaine and had a whole story for something that he saw mentally happen. The situations he imagines im doing are pretty brutal, I’m being used sexually and brainwashed, or im in on it all. Brainwashed to do awful things of all sorts is another big one in general. It is so hard to hear from your partner they think these things when you’re just a loving partner to them who wants nothing but the best and tried to help him where i can. I can still get hurt sometimes by it, you hear the most awful perception of yourself from the person youre closest to and hope would hold you as you really are, and i have to just remind myself of sz, and the closest loved ones typically become involved in the person’s delusions and that its part of the condition. This site did help me see the parallels in partners experience, which is unlike most people’s i know experience in relationships, so im so very thankful. I have seen his distress lead to real anger towards me when he’s really not well, or recently really drunk/ high so I’ve seen the potential for dangerous situations from this as well. He says he wouldnt do anything sober later, but those intense emotions and situations with inebriation are unpredictable.
I have the same EXACT problem. So i guess we arent the only ones. Have u figured anything out or gotten any help???
Sry I know this is like 2 years ago you posted so I am hoping you can help
Im also dealing with this. Have you gotten any help or any advice for me if we have kids? He is also an alcoholic so it makes it so much worse. Ready to give up.
First and foremost, welcome to the forum, its been a huge help for me to have others also go through similar experiences, there is a lot of good advice and support here.
I got out of my situation because it was too much for me to handle and i was a constant trigger for him. I am still struggling mentally, emotionally and physically from the aftermath of the situation but am slowly starting to put myself back together. He emails me sometimes saying he misses me and loves me and does not know why i moved to another province, so its still heartbreaking for me. So i get confused until he starts another episode. His mom is still refusing to believe the diagnosis so that doesnt help him much. But i am trying to move on and possibly only help out from afar
I have been going through this for the last year as well. My partner constantly accuses me of cheating, thinks I’m a porn actress- and thinks he sees “my” videos. These women look NOTHING like me-, but he says it’s AI that’s changing things. He’s placed recorders all over our house and of course he believes he hears me having sex with anyone and everyone. He doesn’t believe that I am a nurse but go to the hospital to make porn movies. He has become increasingly violent. It started with yelling, then went to grabbing my arm or wrists which left bruises. Then in September, he hit my face, tried to smother me with a pillow and picked me up by my neck. I called the police after I could run away and he came back a few days later apologizing and said he wanted to get help. So of course I let him back in the house and he ended holding a knife to my throat because he thought I was trying to have him killed. I was able to escape after a night of terror when he finally fell asleep. He ended up totaling out his car and in a psychiatric hospital for a couple of days then checked into a drug treatment center. Unfortunately, he also self medicates with meth and has for years I am finding out. He’s smart enough to lie to therapists because he doesn’t want people to know any of this.
I have now started going to therapy and my therapist wants me to get out before I am killed. She specializes in domestic violence. All I can say is it’s gut wrenching for me to think about abandoning him. He has no one besides me and his mother who doesn’t think he has a problem. She thinks if he gets off the drugs, he’ll be just fine
I am saddened to read all these tragic stories but I also feel a sense of community I have never felt before. I am only able to discuss this with my therapist because if my friends or family knew, they would think I was crazy for staying or I would never hear the end of lectures. Sometimes I feel like I am a fraud, because I smile when I go to work but am a total wreck inside.
I pray for each of you…for your safety and sanity. It’s a no-win situation but am coming to realize that this is more than I can fix and need to find the courage to leave.
Please listen to your therapist and leave, @Julz13, your safety is paramount. Since your therapist specializes in domestic violence, she will likely have information on resources you might need. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Yes please leave , keep a safety bag packed at all times and in your car as well in case you’re going through another night of terror and you get to escape it will be ready to go.
I don’t know if you could stay with family or friends, domestic violence shelter or even rent yourself a different place . but I think you should leave
Maybe he will eventually accept help but until then this is not your fault you did not cause it and you cannot cure it.