My son is the same way-I constantly ask myself should I put up with this, or stay away-because talking doesnt do a thing. As a caregiver, you cannot do this alone. You should reach out to any local support groups in your area, and his family and yours…should know what is going on.
Someone who is trying to get off his meds is only going to go downhill.
You do not have to put up with abuse.
It’s not a healthy relationship. It doesn’t sound like he’s able to handle a relationship right now and he might not be able to for a long time from now. He gets to treat you bad and gets love from you in return, it’s not fair and he should not be permitted to get away with it. You might help yourself by getting out of this relationship. There’s plenty of other fish in the sea. Like someone else said, not all schizophrenics treat people so badly.
I’m sorry you’re going through this I know how painful it is, I’m going through the same thing with my bf well ex bf now he broke up with me on Thursday via text. David is now under conservatorship so he fled to Canada 6 mo ago. He was very loving in the beginning and as he put it had to woo me.
But then the conservatorship was filed and all hell broke loose. He gave me a chance too get out but I didn’t, what kind of gf would I be to run just when he needed me most. That’s the funny part of all this he deserted me when I needed him. On Aug 7th there was a shooting at my work and I got caught up in the middle of it and was locked up in the bathroom in the office by myself for 40 mins I called him and text him and no response at all. So six days later I called him he answered I asked him if he got my messages he said yes but was busy. I told do you know I could’ve been shot he said yes. Out of my mouth came David are you cheating on me he said yes I am. He’s also forgot my birthday our anniversary. Canceled dates because he got too drunk. Canceled a trip to Canada that he paid for.
He also told me he started smoking crack and pot. I love this man still but he went through my life like a wrecking ball, and has been very cruel and taken me for granted and had told me he was a bad man and didn’t deserve me.
My advice to you would be think very long and hard about your own mental health or you could end uplike me sad to the point of wishing you don’t wake up.
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I’m sorry. These situations are really hard with a male and the woman who is trying to tolerate them as the men are conditioned to complain or get confrontational where female are trained to deal with it and keep moving.
Mental care misses needs by a mile such as not helping with social problems or explaining that some people won’t treat him right. Some churches here have been encouraging their members to harass people who are on the disability check after mental care. Other part-time psychotics follow orders from voices to stalk specific schizo people to harass them about something private – thought broadcasting is what this is called. Some cities have people who stalk psychotics in groups called gang stalking – this is sign you are in bad area so do not answer and leave quickly. You may even say some things to him that may upset him without meaning too called ‘thought insertion’ which usually affects old folks and children around psychotics when their internal voice is hijacked so the person sounds possessed…Is just bad joke. Your man may feel he can relate better to ‘targeted individual’ stories. He can find a ton of stuff about these terms by google…Mental care calls all this stuff delusional unfortunately despite all the stories you will find online. This is just the policy of mental care. But, if your man ever gets angry with mental care provider, he can be arrested anywhere and put in the mental hospital for as long as the psych doctor can justify which usually ends up in loss of job and sometimes housing, bad situation to put yourself into. Well, these practices described in targeted individual stories are totally legal, no government or politicians give a damn to stop this as it keeps the wealthy, wealthy and the abusers busy on poor people. You might try to console your boyfriend with this other version of things and see how he handles…If he wants to keep a disability check coming, he needs to use therapy monthly or keep getting refills of meds. I really recommend seroquel taken at bedtime starting at 50mg and broken into pieces for fast delivery. He will sleep like a baby. Eventually everyone learns to run okay with the voices going, especially if the voices don’t respond to meds to there is hope. There is also a lot of different work situations available to accommodate any desires he has for employment later, maybe even part-time until he finds a situation where he feels treated right as some of the part-time nuts will bully their psychotic coworkers.
If your boyfriend had a fight with someone before his symptoms started, he may find some symptom relief if he quits talking to anyone he met through this group without being confrontational at all, just quit returning calls/texts/emails. If he is stalked, which these kind will do, just say ‘no thanks’ or ‘we’re good’ and never speak to them again if they try this…If he feels someone has been trespassing at his home, there is no way to stop this except limit possessions to bare minimum. Warranties replace damaged belongings, renters insurance only replaces if the lots is stolen. No reason to make police contact on this as it can get you a forced psych hold for months if the police are ever contacted and ‘nothing is wrong’, just trespassing. If police ever try to figure out his source of income, he works at Walmart to avoid a lot of discrimination for being on disability check after mental care if he acts okay and never had history of suicide or trying to get attention when suffering.
You know, I’m called a lot of nasty stuff. I don’t work around here as the job situations have gotten so bad due to bad economy, I don’t want to get myself sued as I 'm accustomed to working in life/death situations. Also have to work around some mentally unstable coworkers or worse stuff, as I’ve been screwed a few times but always had just enough to be okay as I would take odd jobs off Craigslist too to supplement or deal with emergencies. I’m working on moving but will take a while as moving alone when Female can be really problematic in my area as some places have managed to ruin women who answered ads to work in country, get several women who tried that job called crazy and let some of the local druggies/welfare abusers use them. Cops just keep them stuck…Some places were even making prostitutes if female tried to move alone…There is a lot of stuff that goes on that is not run by media, nothing can be done about this by poor people except avoid it and politicans only represent the wealthy donors. So, we ignore a lot of stuff, don’t live the materialistic life as it drives schizos nuttier and never spend all the money.
You really need to see how he handles. You could be getting yourself into a hard time if he has no other family for support system. If you are comfortable dealing with the silent treatment, some of the verbally abusive men who are not batterers and a schizo who is not dangerously confused can be managed okay…He may find comfort in some of the stories of targeted individuals to understand that he really is not nuts, he is just in a tough discrimination situation shared by all the rest of us on this board. I would also ask him if he thinks you are saying something upsetting to him and you don’t mean it this way, this can be the thought insertion bad joke so you can point out you don’t intend this.
Hi,
''On Aug 7th there was a shooting at my work and I got caught up in the middle of it and was locked up in the bathroom in the office by myself for 40 mins I called him and text him and no response at all. So six days later I called him he answered I asked him if he got my messages he said yes but was busy. I told do you know I could’ve been shot he said yes. Out of my mouth came David are you cheating on me he said yes I am. He’s also forgot my birthday our anniversary. Canceled dates because he got too drunk. Canceled a trip to Canada that he paid for.
He also told me he started smoking crack and pot. I love this man still but he went through my life like a wrecking ball, and has been very cruel and taken me for granted and had told me he was a bad man and didn’t deserve me.
My advice to you would be think very long and hard about your own mental health or you could end uplike me sad to the point of wishing you don’t wake up.’’
How long did the ‘‘nice phase’’ last? ( I’ve been reading your posts, and I’m here because I have a friend diagnosed with sz).
Gonna be me in 5 years, ruining some poor ladys life. My name is David too haha
i know he has shizophrenia but he should not treat you like that i think he useing his mi as an anker to keep you there . he really needs help iknow thia would be hard but you should get a court order to admit him to a hospital so he could get help because that is what i had to do because i have had schipophrenia ever since i was 12 and they put me on a shot called invaga and it has helped me drasticly i have been doin good for about 4 years talk to his doctr about and see if it can help him
get him re-engagaed with psychiatric services. He may need a med change. Also, you sound nice, schizophrenics can sometimes be volatile but they dontmean anyharm. Be forgiving.
Our lives are very similar. I have the most loving man in the world that sends me high in the sky with his smile. He lights me up and my love for him is so deep. Unfortunately this is for only a few hours a week. The rest of the time his angry. Angry at everything it seems , he looks at me with hate, he takes it out on me . His ill at the moment and it’s wearing me down. He tells me to ignore it but after awhile the hate and anger wear you down. We can’t live together anymore so commute between the two houses. It was to hard on the kids. They hate him not living with us, they miss him and want him back , I want him back to, I miss him. I don’t understand why, it’s hard enough to get through the 3-4 days a week his here. I can’t do anything right, now he sleeps in another room when his here because I snore. Health wise he is falling apart and the sicker he gets physically the worse the anger and schizophrenia gets. He doesn’t leave the room or house, only to play pokies or get booze. When his around family he talks to them but if I’m with him his rude and won’t talk to them. He gets angry with me for talking to them so half the time we sit there and stare at the ground. I feel like I’m being rude to them to but they say they understand, they see him get worse if I talk to them. I mean normal conversation to not anything personal. My god we all love him but it’s hard. I wish he loved us enough to get treatment but he knows it all, hates doctors and says what’s the point. I wish we were that point. I wish we were enough for him to get treatment and deal with his anger issues and stick to it. Work for it. Me and the children love him. Why can’t he love us enough for that. He dose love us but he let’s something else control him, he almost uses it as a comforter to do nothing. I want him to work to take back control. I only dream though. He won’t budge. Me, I just pray for strength and sanity and wait for those moments during the week he makes my soul sing with love. My heart goes out to you. Xxx
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I’ve had at least 20 girlfriends who fit the profile… and who drove me bat$hit with their “eggshells” (see below). Wasn’t until I found Codependents Anonymous that I began to understand such people and find ways to deal with them… IF I continued to choose to deal with them at all.
(Borderlinism is one order of psychotic magnitude less than sz, btw.)
Hi, just wondering what the profile was. I’m a bit confused by the reply. Not hard to confuse me by the way 
but I would really like to understand more if you don’t mind expanding on your reply. Thanks
“Profile?” Now I am confused… unless you’re asking me why I responded as I did. I have observed and worked with hundreds of codependents in treatment settings since 1987. The list at the link below is my “profiler,” I suppose. 
Oh are you saying I’m codependent or him ?
I was also confused by reference to borderline personality as his schizophrenic
Oh and by profile , you mentioned you had dated at least 20 girls that fit the profile, that’s what I was curious about. now I just have more questions lol typical female I am lol. Nah just trying to figure it out to apply it. Her I would just about leap on to anything that would help or expand my understanding.
Probably both; it’s the single most common form of interpersonal reality disorientation there is… owing to cultural conditioning for the sake of wealth accumulation by those who profit from teaching us to be codependent. (People with problems need solutions. And they will pay for them.)
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All schizophrenics are inherently borderline-organized (albeit not necessarily “classic,” “textbook” borderlines) (see http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/kernberg’s-borderline-conditions-and-pathological-narcissism).
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Borderlinism defines what the majority of sz pts become when they take meds some of the time and don’t at others.
It’s hard for me to think of a psychopathology that isn’t purely organic (e.g.: a traumatic brain injury, encephalitis) that isn’t at least somewhat the result of interpersonal conditioning > socialization > habituation > normalization at the family, neighborhood, schoolyard, sports team, gang, sorority-fraternity, military, workplace, etc. levels. We come to take many things for granted as a result… and much of what we take for granted is actually not true.
Generally, the younger one is, the greater is the surrounding influence on the development of life-long ego defenses that range from functional to dysfunctional (see Defence mechanism - Wikipedia). Virtually everyone has some dysfunctional ego defenses. Get enough of them, and one might get a “diagnosis.”
Thank you will look into those links
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I just went through a bout of my fiance also acting out against me and not being the sweet loving person I fell in love with at all. It is hard because on the one hand you don’t want to just lie down and take whatever abuse he hurls your way but at the same time he does have a condition which does not allow him to act like a sane or rational human being. Sending prayers your way and I hope things got better since then.
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I have ,been dealing with pretty much the same. My boyfriend accuses me of having sex with all his friends and everyone else. He can be very cruel and a lot of his comments are very cutting. Just because my boyfriend and most likely yours as well suffers from schizophrenia does not give him a pass on being an asshole. They know what they are doing and probably even enjoy themselves… Then use their mental illness as an excuse for what that do and say. My advice to you is to stop considering his mental problems sand leave him. I hope I have the courage to do the same.
So…I just came across this thread and was glad to see it, as I had been doing my regular check-in here (thanks ALL for sharing by the way, always) and had been pondering myself in this idea that schizophrenia or other similar MI are rarely violent… because in my situation with my partner of 5-1/2 yrs that’s complete bull. The anger, especially during times when he believes things are going on that just aren’t happening, usually having to do with some idea that I’m attacking or trying somehow to hurt him (persecution delusion) when I’ve been sitting at the kitchen table for four hours reading/writing, and he suddenly comes in yelling and smashing me from behind in the side of the head and knocking me and the chair over, or has some moment where he thinks I’m sleeping with my friends or his family or the cab driver or god knows whoever else (paranoia) and drags me across the carpet by my hair ripping it out and drills his fist into my face repeatedly or he holds my face down on the bed screaming and spitting in my face that I’m lying when I say, in a monotone mantra ‘you’re hurting me. Look at what you’re doing. It’s me, im right here and you are hurting me’ as he tries to literally tear my breast off my body…throwing house plants across the room and then telling me that I did it…then the strangest thing, walking out the door and running into the neighbor and the neighbor asking if things are ok and he ACTS COMPLETELY NORMAL telling them I’M in the house drunk breaking things…
Yeah. Completely non-violent, wouldn’t you say?
I’ve heard other people mention on a few different occasions that their partners/spouses often focus a lot on sex. Is this common with the disease? I’ve dealt with some pretty intense sexually compulsive and deviant behaviors ranging from perverse masturbation in odd or public places to way high risk sex behavior with high risk people that resulted in everything from him coming home distressed and sobbing to blackmail attempts on his family. When asked to discuss these events his response is always the same: “That never happened. You’re making it all up in your head. You are lying.”
The landlord called Xmas eve. Said there were “complaints of some behaviors…”. The neighbor had told them he’d been masturbating out on the back deck and side of the house…
There’s also a ton of what I call ‘defeatism’. Everything is ended or done or hopeless without ever trying to work or build or resolve anything. This is frustrating for me…
He also has ZERO insight. There’s a complete and utter aversion if not dare I say a violent aversion to even the suggestion of therapy nevermind treatment…
So…
His family knows.
Strangely, we had an excellent Christmas. He engaged in good pleasant interesting discussion with his family and mine, seemed to be engaging and fully immersed in his surroundings and the events.
He is our big bread winner and is working toward a degree…(we’re middle-aged/older. This is actually very impressive for anybody without MI), has a sport that he likes which is by far the most normal and healthy I get to see him is when he’s getting that exercise…
But then a beer or two and he gets weird. People he plays sport with have definitely noticed… marijuana is that much worse… but he’s never violent outside the home environment. Only at home and with me. Does anybody else experience this? Just guano stuff… absolute guano stuff.
So… my own mental health is failing and I’m likely considered some kind of depressed and PTSD because I wake up screaming/crying from my sleep and I know I’M failing now because I haven’t been to my own therapist yet… just tough it out, maintain my healthy family/friends relationships, I’m failing at doing those little things for me and my health that I enjoy like hiking or something simple like watching a sunset…
So where does that leave us as loved ones and caregivers? We ARE abused, emotionally, mentally and physically. We ARE ABUSED. And what? We keep telling ourselves it’s excusable because we know that they are sick? They have an illness?
And on occasion we know that we are loved?
It’s frustrating, draining, exhausting, painful (in every way), saddening, maddening, and the hurtful stuff is downright heartbreaking…tears out the deepest guts.
And then the whole kicker, in our situation at least, is there’s been huge improvement in other aspects of his life, huge! Glad to report showering and personal hygiene is 100%, environmental cleanliness (hoarding was an issue, I’m told is also a compulsive disorder) has improved greatly, organizational skills and planning are still poor but improving due to new responsibilities at work…
So how come I’M feeling so desperately alone and feel like my heart is going to burst with despair and the headache behind my left eye just won’t go away???..
Best of luck to you and as always, thanks every body so very, very much for being here and sharing…