my son has been off meds and he is driving me insane…he is unbearable to live with…he is responding to voices all the time…and he is acting odd again…i havew heard reports that he is going to my local supermarket and is begging on his knees barechested…i need this like a hole in the head…i keep urging him to take his meds but he refuses and if i push it it turns into a nightmare…last night he spat in my face three times…i cant put up with this crap anymore
So sorry Cara , must be exhausting ! what if you bribe him to take his meds ? with money ?or living at home with you ? anything ? best to speak with him when he’s calm though and walk away if he gets angry . I hate this disease ! we need to take it one day at a time and deal with each problem when it comes our way .
That must be going around today. Everything was going pretty good until my son asked what we were having for lunch. I hesitated a moment too long in answering and he took off on his bicycle after spitting in my face. Said no one likes me because I wait too long to answer him. When I asked him what he decided for lunch, he said just another soda - that makes about five today - I’ve read where Mountain Dews can actually cause hallucinations and that’s one of the drinks he likes. When he gets angry, his sentences don’t make sense and he brings up people he hasn’t seen in years or who have died. Just craziness. Take care of yourself and know you’re not alone…
I’m curious about Mt Dew - my MI ex drinks the stuff non- stop.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope you are able to get help and support.
Its hard. Would it be possible for him to have his own place?
@cara , you need an escape. A small place, an apt, a trailer, anything for just yourself. A small affordable room somewhere, A place no one knows about except you. For times like this. Someplace that you know, if things get unbearable, you can get in your car & go.
You’re not disturbing your routine with your son. You’re still with him in your home. But you need a secret place.
I remember secretly buying a small townhouse while living with my son in a 2 BR apt. It was close to the apt, but only I was allowed in the townhouse. It gave me a huge sense of relief. It’s hell being a prisoner in your own home when things get bad, and you have nowhere to go.
Please take care of yourself too.
Here is a link to one of the articles I found years ago but there are plenty more, including the court case where a guy said he found a mouse in his Mountain Dew can. Pepsi said it was impossible since the acid alone would have turned the mouse to “goo”. BMO (brominated vegetable oil) and/or Yellow 5 is the culprit for the mental problems: 14 Reasons to Stop Drinking Mountain Dew | Get Better Wellness and Sneaky Soda Additive Harms Thyroid
I’m in a support group at the state mental hospital and it took us three years to get them to remove the Mountain Dew from their soft drink machines but they did.
On those days when I feel I need an “out”, I’ve planned on going to a nearby hotel. Might as well be treated (and eat) well while I’m “on the lam”
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been where you are when my daughter was off of her meds, delusional and aggressive. I desperately wanted a solution. I wanted to know what to do. I was exhausted, humiliated, afraid. hopeless. My suggestion is to focus on getting him back on the meds at all costs. Nothing can change for the better until he is back on the meds. if he is a danger to himself or others, call law enforcement and get a psychatric hold on him. this will send him to a mental hospital where he can be helped to stabilize. you are not alone in this. we are all with you.
Amen to the comments and encouragement above. I look at it as us all crawling towards finding our ‘life worth living’. I believe ours, and our son’s, best option is (a) finding the right MED mix, (b) cutting out the harmful crap, and © learning coping skills for all (DBT as an example).
When we slide backwards with no MED compliance, or the random introduction of a harmful variable (alcohol, weed, nicotine, ?), or forget our coping skills and lash out in frustration or anger (or when I go on a self-imposed, alcoholic-binge, pity-party!), I just remind myself it’s a journey.
And I pick myself up for the zillionth time, and start crawling forward again. Keep the faith. There is a ‘life worth living in here somewhere!!’
Here in our county, the police can contribute to the problem - I had to explain the difference between the Marchman Act and the Baker Act to an officer after I took out an ex parte order on my son. And, our State Attorney’s office doesn’t “like” to send people to one of our mental hospitals for long term unless they commit a serious crime. One time during a meeting with a magistrate, I got so pi$$ed off with them that I started pounding on the table and said “my son NEEDS help! Don’t you get it??” They actually sided with the CSU and he went to the state hospital for a little over a year. They sent three attorneys (the SAs office) and I was assigned one. We do what we can, when we can and pray for the best.
If he is asking you what is for lunch, then perhaps you prepare meals for him? I think that is helpful. Try focusing on preparing breakfast/lunch/dinner each day, and ensure he has some protein at every meal (eggs + avocado at breakfast, salad with feta cheese for lunch, pasta with meatballs for dinner) or whatever works for you – to ensure he is getting essential vitamins and minerals and especially B vitamins. Having a healthy diet may calm down his nervous system and some of that behaviour you find hard to live with may begin to lesson with or without the meds. Try stocking some healthier fizzy drinks at home, so that he might eventually try one and have an alternative to reach for other than the Dew. Such as Fever-Tree Tonic Water, or Bubly sparkling water. A homemade example could be a splash of kombucha ginger grapefruit in San Pellegrino carbonated water. Try a few yourself, and think what he might like?
Diet is the one easy thing within your control that you can do to help both of you.
Best wishes, hope things get better soon.
Oops! Sorry ! I clicked on Flag by mistake! My shaky fingers are to be blamed.
I would think, with almost any other illness, if a person were having acute symptoms - symptoms that, left untreated, could be very dangerous - they would be receiving medical care. Too often, with our kids, the world acts like it doesn’t know what to do and that is such a disservice to our kids. They need to be in a safe, controlled environment until their meds get stabilized. I know it sounds barbaric but I am OK with forced meds if, after having gone through the legal aspects and the medical, legal and family is in agreement, then I am OK with forced meds. They can bring the client around enough to be able to participate in their own care. Until then, a caring ,safe, inpatient setting is best. Unfortunately, depending on where you live there is either not enough space or enough educated individuals to advocate for you and help you. Like I tell my son - thousands of years ago you might have been revered and able to stay safe in a cave somewhere with people coming to you for advice but in 2021 with cars, traffic, people living in close proximity with a certain world view - it is not safe nor well accepted in our culture and in our community to hear voices and to be delusional - and there are too many ways to get hurt. Nothing is inherently good or bad except to the degree you can have the life you want with it. For most of us and our kids that means a certain level of conventional behavior - and good in treatment care can get them there - safely - while not driving a huge wedge in between their caregivers and themselves over something they can’t control. The caregivers should not be doing 90% of the medical care - we would never expect this from a parent caring for a child with anything else. I remain forever optimistic that for there is a med or med combo that can bring enough relief for the life the person would want. I wish you peace - I send you love and healing and hope. I hope you can find the right people to help you - I believe they are out there.
@Lioness , you have expressed what I have been thinking for the last few years. Especially the first few sentences, but also your whole post describes the situation so eloquently.
Our family members deserve services, understanding and often protection. Instead, school administrators and even mental health professionals respond with fear, and pass the buck, hoping that someone else will want to deal with the confusing symptoms.
So many times I have been told that my son “should be in some kind of program”. I agree! Other than juvenile hall, where is this program? We end up scrambling to piece together as much help for our family members as we can.
Thank God for this forum, and for a few groups like NAMI and Mental Health America.
My son’s first year of serious symptoms while he was in the hospital I found a program called the “First Program” It is for people in their first episode of psychosis. I asked them why they hadn’t given the hospital the information so that they could refer families. They said that they did. The hospital was not referring families to their program. Because he was over 18 and would not sign anything (he was afraid of black Xs and thought if he signed he would die) they also wouldn’t tell me much. I would take bags of chocolate candy when I visited for the nurses, and sometimes that would get people to talk to me. Those in caregiving positions tend to like chocolate. Anyway - you’re often alone and confused. Some families hide what is happening and some families tell co-workers, friends and family - but they are confused also and tend to blame you / the family. It’s a very isolating illness. I have felt like I could call the police and ask for someone that specializes in mental health and we could either take him inpatient or they would convince him to go. My son identifies as female (he doesn’t express as female as in clothes or make up or anything) but seems to have female traits so things have not gotten violent or aggressive. That’s just not him - he really does feel like a female soul to me and I think that has saved us many times. He’s not aggressive to authority or in the hospital. The patients tend to like him and root for him which, again, has been fortunate for us that so many do not have. It would be frightening to make that call if you think he would be aggressive to the police. If not though - it sounds like he needs to be inpatient. My son is on disability and the hospital told me they can actually keep him longer on his insurance than if he had been on my insurance. He actually gets (I think) more and better treatment. We had so much happen - I realized if I couldn’t leave him alone with confidence he needed to be inpatient. Our state hospital would have him only a few days and they’d be getting him to shower and take his meds - I don’t know how. And he’s never said that they were mean or anything to him - he would just listen to them but not our local hospital - I don’t think they “took charge” they just kind of let him do his thing. Had it not been for those forced hospitalizations and meds I don’t know where we would be. It was so hard - hardest thing I’ve ever done - but in the end he had to be somewhere where at least they had experience with schizophrenia. Again - we’ve been lucky that he is pretty gentle. I’m going to try to write to our local / state / government leaders and see if we can’t get more attention, education and help for schizophrenia. There’s no reason so many people on this forum should be going through what you’re going through - and many others going through.
You need to call the police when he gets violent towards you. Spitting in your face is violence. They may take him to jail for Domestic Assault. Or they may take him back to the hospital for evaluation help. If you’ve done this before you need to continue to do it again. Sometimes it takes several times before things get better.
My son has been Baker Acted more than 30 times since he was 18 and twice sent to the state mental hospital. While he’s not gotten better, handling by the police has gotten worse. CIT training has been minimized and the “new hires” out of the academy are often trying to prove something. Police are my last resort at this point.
I understand your frustration. Unfortunately not every officer has the personality to be an effective helper. I believe the medications are the answer that needs to be right now. If he refuses to medicate your problems will continue. We have a man we’re dealing with in our town for the last couple of years that will not stay on his meds and continues with on Meth. His parents are older and can not physically deal with him. We’ve taken him in for evaluation and finally have arrested him for Domestic Assault. We don’t know what is going to happen next. We just continue to respond…