Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Need advise , stressed out!

When i thought all was stable , my 21 years old son , schizoaffective , med compliant , no insight , all of a sudden called me up in a panic saying he feels threaten by his room mate and her boyfriend and was scared for his life , he said he’s on the way to me and showed up with his huge t.v , xbox and clothing . The apartment belongs to me and he wants me to tell his room mate that she needs to leave . I rented out the other room to pay the bills for him . I don’t know what to do , he is so scared to return there . My husband doesnt understand and doesnt really want to understand so this situation will cause problems for us as my son is so demanding . I don’t really want to tell his room mate that my son has a MI as i don’t want rumours in the neighbourhood . She has been there 6 months now and contracts ends in June . I don’t even know if I’m allowed to terminate the contract for a situation like this . Any thoughts or advise please ?

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Linda, Our son used to do this also- he would suddenly show up at our house scared that the person who lived above him was about to kill him. He would stay with us for a day or two and then return home and everything would be fine until the next time.

Thanks Hope ! So you think i should wait it out and see what happens in the next few days ? i really don’t know what to do

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I would wait, plus it will give you some time to think.

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Thank you , i hope all is good with you .

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sure you can but still must pay in full the lease, the security deposit will be lost to offset cost. day by day, with a room mate involved this will be hard, encourage him to move back into apartment but a room mate will probably never work out.

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Linda, would your son work with a CBT therapist to help him deal with his concerns about the roommate?

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Thats what im coming to terms with , i don’t believe he can live with a room mate , but on the other hand if its not the room mate than it could be the neighbour like Hope’s son

I wish !!! i tried that last week and my son raged at her and left the session early . That was another $200 down the drain . He has no insight and doesn’t believe he needs therapy .

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Thinking of you, Linda. I’m hoping in a couple days he’ll change his mind. (It May be just a matter of time before the room mate will start to feel uncomfortable and she’ll move out?). I’d hate to see you lose all that $ to kick her out, also going forward, affording the expense without the room mate. Wish you could reason with him but I know with MI there’s no telling…

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Thank you for your kind words , at the moment he is still in my house and stable and not afraid . I will wait it out and see what happens in the next few days . His psychiatrist said to put up his meds . I hope my son will agree . Hope all well with you .

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5 days and My son still refuses to move back in his apartment . I can not force him as he is obviously uncomfortable and scared living with his room mate .I believe my son needs me and wants to be close to family and i’m at peace that i can keep my eye on him . Im his only family he has , we moved to Florida 7 years ago as i remarried .I took him away from all our family and friends to start a new life and it was hard on him at first but he settled in pretty quickly .I feel in some way he can heal a little in my home with our dog . On the other hand My husband , his step dad , doen’t understand and doesnt want to understand my sons illness . He doesnt even say a word to my son, not even’’ hello ‘’ . He doesnt want to talk about it and is passive aggressive to me and goes to his corner . He has slept on the sofa since my son has moved in and barely says two words to me when we are home . I feel this will break us . I ask myself how can i love someone that despises my son so much . He refuses counselling and doesnt want to talk . He feels i spoil my son and believes the marijuana messed up my sons brain 2 years ago and now we are paying the consequences . My sons father who lives abroad has MI . I know my son needs me and is comfortable at my home right now …My friend advised me to tell my husband that if he doesnt step up and help me through my tough times instead of making them tougher for me , to tell him that we should separate and to leave our home , my husband from day first gave me no support what so ever when my son fell ill 2 years ago and on top of that made my life more stressful then you can imagine . I closed my business and left my amazing large family to be with him and took my son away from his loved ones , you would think i would get support , compassion , something but i get the opposite ,We work together and he is so nice infront of people and you would think nothing is wrong what so ever but as soon as we get home i get the silent treatment . i believe My husband is jealous of my son and wants me to himself only . He keeps telling me to set him free and let him live life on his own , Great advise for a normal 21 year old but not a 21year old with a chronic MI . Any thoughts or advise ?

I would question the psychiatrist to see if med needs to be increased or something changed to address the paranoia. Use LEAP as explained in the book “I Am Not Sick; I Don’t Need Help” to listen and empathize with your son’s thoughts with a goal of finding things you can agree on, such as doing talk therapy. CBT could be very useful. Learn all you can about schizophrenia. The NAMI Family to Family class is good and my husband recommends it, too. He says it is the best thing we did. If this was any other illness, wouldn’t your husband care to learn more about it, not only to help the sick person, but especially to learn how to deal with it and take care of yourselves?

His psychiatrist did increase his meds and i need to pick them up this friday and see if my son will agree to take it . I have read and used and also attended the Leap seminar and that helps somewhat . My son has Anasognosia . He refuses therapy . I have learned schizophrenia inside out and also attend NAMI every month and my husband refuses to go with me . He wants nothing to do with my son . I’ve asked him many times to educate himself on it and he is stubborn and strongly believes he’s right that i should set My son free and that i’m ruining my sons life by not helping him to grow up and learn to live life on his own . He just doesnt understand ,it makes me mad and think who have i married … so upsetting . Its so hard dealing with my son and being forced to deal with my selfish husbands stressing ways

I am so sorry. With such a serious illness going on in your family, getting everyone on the same page is important. I hate to say it, but the unwillingness to seek help for the marriage if nothing else is extremely selfish. You need all the support you can get!

Thank you hope , i have no support from him what so ever and all my family live abroad . I have a good friend here that gives me great support and my husband doesnt like when i talk with her often , its so aggravating and im seriously thinking to separate from him . its shocking how much i sacrificed for him and i get zero support for my son . I can handle zero support but can not handle the moods and passive aggression from him , its not fair and not right … Thank you for letting me vent , sometimes when you write things down it makes you open your eyes even more if you know what i mean. there were times when i felt like i was drowning with my sons condition and felt that my husbands foot was pushing me further under . You know how stressful this MI is , can you imagine an additional stress on top of it all from a person that suppose to be your rock

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Sad, I hope he comes around to understand, damn shame to loose what you have given this horrible disease…

If you own the home (only your name on the deed), you have the upper hand, I would tell your husband to get the fuck out if he dont help with this short term inconvenience and insist that he get involved in a calm supportive relationship to your son and encourage your son to move back in the apartment. Take a firm stand upfront or the shit will persist with him…

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Such a sad situation a part of me says support your husbands wishes and the other part says help your son.
My stepson couldn’t live with any room mates and he ended up in a fight and broke the room mates nose. This happened while we we’re on a short vacation and I felt we couldn’t even take a break. My stepson does horrible when living with us. He turns into a brat, and a teenager from he…

At some point he will need to figure out how to be himself and be able to survive. He needs some type of meds adjustments.
Maybe his room mates already figured out his mental.

If you and your husband love each other you need to communicate.

This isn’t much support I feel your pain I’ve been there. You deserve a life too and boundaries. Possibly get some counselling for yourself will help.

Your son will keep doing this until he gets help himself.

Your not in a good place I hope you can find some peace and venting here is helpful. Take care.

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I think whomever has joined this site, has been where you are. When the person we care for all of a sudden is thrown into panic, mania, paranoia whatever it may be labeled as, and all chaos and turmoil breaks out. We all go into panic mode trying to solve what may be going on.
After some time and there’s calmness in the air, we can reflect and process what just happened.
Trying to see clarity through the fog and distortion. Trying to make sense of what is actually happening.
I have been through this cycle so many times in the past months with my adult son, and it is exhausting. I have tried to not swing into the panic and mania, and stay calm to be the rational one and figure out what is truly going on.
Breathe calmly and listen. Try to be observer instead of a participant in the chaos so you can make the necessary rational decisions.
Don’t be ashamed about mental illness of a family member. We all need to come together to see that this is a real issue, that effects so many families and we need the support from our community as well as our family/friends.
Good luck to you.

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yep, at some point you will no longer even do this, roll with it

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