Can you tell us what country / state you are in - so we can get you to the right resources?
I recommend you try to take her to an early psychosis treatment center as quickly as you can - they can help her with great treatments and generally free. Here is a link to some lists of where these are:
If they can’t help you - you can also try to call the Treatment Advocacy Center and tell them your mother’s situation and ask them the best way to get your mother treatment in your area - they should be able to help you.
Hi, Your situation with your mother sounds very difficult.
Your mother needs medical help for her symptoms. This can be hard to find, but start with her family doctor that she already has. Call them and tell them the situation and her symptoms. Make an appointment for her to have an exam there and hopefully they will refer her to needed services.
If she’s very aggressive - that means that she is a “danger to self or others” - and if you have young children in the house - she definitely needs to get treatment. Be sure to convey this to people you talk to - its a very important reason why she needs to get help as quickly as possible, and there are laws to help you get her treatment. The Treatment Advocacy Center can help you with this.
Aggressive not physically but verbal, she has no filter, I can’t have adult conservation with her on seeking help she gets very defensive,. She’s very smart n book she graduated she has all kind of medical degrees…but don’t want help for self…
You need to get your mother treatment not only for herself, but also for your children - the stress that I suspect she’s causing you and the kids can be toxic on their brains (see below on this topic).
Here are some stories on how people go about getting help for their family members in situations like yours:
“children who grow up in stressful environments generally find it harder to concentrate, harder to sit still, harder to rebound from disappointments, and harder to follow directions. And that has a direct effect on their performance in school. When you’re overwhelmed by uncontrollable impulses and distracted by negative feelings, it’s hard to learn the alphabet. And in fact, when kindergarten teachers are surveyed about their students, they say that the biggest problem they face is not children who don’t know their letters and numbers; it is kids who don’t know how to manage their tempers or calm themselves down after a provocation.”
More related reading:
How Childhood Stress can impact mental health in adulthood
The effect of acute and chronic stress (on a child’s) growth.
Disruptive behavior problems: 10 Evidence-based tips for handling aggression, defiance, and acting out:
Impact of Stress on IQ
But newer studies suggest it’s not only extreme kinds of stress that can affect kids’ ability to learn and think. In 2009, Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University scientists found that kids exposed to “household chaos” had lower IQ and more conduct problems. A joint study between Harvard Medical School/McLean Hospital and Catholic University of Korea in 2009 found that children who experienced maternal verbal abuse had lowered verbal IQs and less white matter in their brains. (White matter affects learning by coordinating communication between different regions of the brain.)
Read the full article:
Toxic Stress and Child Development - from Harvard University
Toxic stress response can occur when a child experiences strong, frequent, and/or prolonged adversity—such as physical or emotional abuse, chronic neglect, caregiver substance abuse or mental illness, exposure to violence —without adequate adult support. This kind of prolonged activation of the stress response systems can disrupt the development of brain architecture and other organ systems, and increase the risk for stress-related disease and cognitive impairment, well into the adult years.
Oh, I wish you had had better results from contacting local services. This has all happened to my family.
I agree that if you have time, it would be good to document all of this, just brief notes and dates. Esp the efforts to get treatment.
I understand that you are doing your best. Since you have two children and many other responsibilities, you may not be able to take care of your mother. This is not your fault; it’s not her fault.
If I had to choose between my mother and my children, I would choose my children. With everything documented, I would give a copy to the local crisis team and local health department with a letter telling them she is in danger of becoming homeless because her behaviors caused by symptoms are not healthy for your children.
She still might somehow get treatment if you keep calling and asking. Violent threats are often a precursor to action and against the law. Perhaps call law enforcement if she threatens you again. Tell them it is a mental illness episode and request CIT officers. I don’t know if that is a good idea where you live as the third to last thing you want is your mother in jail with criminal charges, so there is a risk she would be arrested or further agitated and not receive treatment.
But if there is danger, call for help immediately.
It’s terrible that she cannot receive treatment; our family has had similar troubles with an awful result. But this is an illness and if she does not receive treatment from medical professionals, there is not much you can do.
All of us who have been or are in your shoes or similar understand that laypeople cannot help family members with serious mental illness. I’m so sorry your children are being affected.