This is going to be long but I will try to scale it down. I have been with my husband for 24 years married for 22. Despite some hardships and problems in the past ( there is a history of drug abuse on his part) we have always been Very close. Our children used to always joke about how obsessed he was with me. He was the one who always made me laugh, very loving and affectionate, honest and loyal ( I thought) he was my rock.
He was diagnosed finally about 3 or 4 years ago. But his symptoms started about 2019. This illness came from out of nowhere. He has been clean since 2015 with the exception of prescribed Adderall. I still to this day don’t know why this happened. He started hearing voices I immediately took him to the VA to see a psychiatrist. He was prescribed a bunch of different meds that didn’t really help. His delusions began with him thinking my family was trying to break us up, his old boss trying to ruin his life, our house being bugged, private investigators etc. He told me he is no longer in love with me and is in love with a woman named Sherri/ Sharon ( she is imaginary). He said he wanted to have a polyamorous relationship at one point. He says he doesn’t know what he would do without her. I’ve heard him talking to her and he tells her everything. There is soooo much more but for the sake of this getting too long I’ll skip over it.
Fast forward to now. All our kids are moved out , he is on disability finally and I am working. He is still not in love with me and loves Sherri and possibly now Jennifer Lawrence. He is living with me still due to financial reasons neither of us can afford to live on our own. There ZERO intimacy or affection from him, having a conversation is especially hard because he doesn’t hold a conversation. He goes to his psychiatrist and does take his medication (Vraylar) but he is not honest. He says everything is fine has not disclosed that he still hears voices and his imaginary girlfriend. Last night we went to an outdoor concert and he was blatantly staring at a woman he was obviously attracted to and I called him out. He denied it of course. I can deal with conspiracy delusions no problem. I CANNOT deal with his other woman I know it’s not real and his illness but it feels like he’s cheating right in front of me! It doesn’t help that this woman he made up is the exact opposite of me. Blonde hair blue eyes I’m brunette and brown eyes. He also has an obsession with blonde p.rn!! Because of a problem on his end physical intimacy is not possible no matter what we’ve tried. I am so confused and don’t know what to do. He refuses to accept his diagnosis and I can’t take much more. But the thought of kicking him into the street is also unbearable.