Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My wife has schizoaffective disorder


#1

Hello, my wife has schizoeffctive disorder. We have been together for 18 years. She has had this disorder for 14. She is going through it right now. Sleeping because the doc upped her meds. Sleep is good. Sleep is better. She has delusions, with manic/ depressive. We have been through this about 10 times. 6 of those times she went to the hospital. Right now I am taking time off of work to care for her. I do better then the hospital. I care for her disease, not her. As long as I keep her calm, and I can stay positive. It is good. She is a very sweet and caring person. Maybe not so much now, but this is not her. I just want my wife back.
I always hear that I am a good guy. I hate that. I married my wife, and I’m not going to give up . Her parents even told me I should leave her, I shouldn’t put up with it. I do because I know she needs me, and she loves me.
Her delusions tell her i am not her husband, the kids are not mine. People changing faces. She gets stuck in her ex boyfriend, thinking he is in my spot. This disorder tries to completely remove me from her life… When she is well, this is not the case. We have a good marriage. With little to no problems. This ex boyfriend has not been around for 16 years. It is not his fault, but her disorder makes up this weird fantasy world. This is very hard to deal with, and it rips my heart out every time it happens. Right now she does not care about my emotions, and gets pissed when I express them. Last week she was a very loving and caring wife. Now she is not, but I have been through this before and I know things will get better.
Reading about other spouses stories has helped me. I fix this disease, not her. I try to keep her, and myself positive. I listen to her, and try to keep her in reality. I try not to take the things she says personally, it is not the real her. Thank you for listening to me, this has helped.


#2

@Chuck79 - Is your wife on or has she been on meds?


#3

Yes. They upped her seroquil on monday. She usually responds pretty good. It just takes time. I think she has been having problems for 2 months now. They upped her meds then too


#4

Lets hope that kicks in pretty soon. I’m sorry you are going through this - the “x-boyfriend” thing would be rough. Someone told me yesterday that I had a lot of patience (helping my son get better). I was like that’s what we do - and he said no, a lot of people would not. I helped another guy who was having big issues with his band member - he was the caretaker and he asked “why do we do this?” I simply said (hokey moment here) Love. I’m glad you are there to help your wife.


#5

The x boyfriend is part of the delusion. She has told me before she don’t understand why it always go to him. Some weird fantasy delusion where he wares peoples faces


#6

She was doing good today. Sleeping she just got agitated because I said I won’t take her out drinking next weeked. Now she says she is fine. Lol. Nope I know better


#7

I am so glad you are there for her through good and bad. I completely understand what you are saying about being able to help her better than other people. I feel the same way about my granddaughter. Love has a way of letting us look beyond the bad and never doubt that the person underneath the disease symptoms has not changed. Like you, I see what used to be during the good phases. It’s sad that the meds don’t always work right. It’s frustrating for me but I stay optimistic that we will at some point find the right drug cocktail. Stay strong and keep loving her.


#8

My husband also has schizoaffective disorder. It is very hard. He has a lot of delusions about me sleeping with other men and shouts at me in front of his son about these things. It’s really embarrassing. He usually snaps out of it in a few days (generally with the help of upped meds, sleep, Xanax). People have told me to leave him but I love him. He hears voices. Even on his good days sometimes. I guess what I’ve been trying to figure out lately is not how to help him, but how to help myself. I did the NAMI class and that was great. Have you done that? If they have NAMI in your area, you should. I also excersise and try to maintain my looks, wear nice clothes and go out with friends. I often don’t invite my husband if I feel he will embarrass me or become withdrawn or socially awkward. Then all the sudden my fun evening becomes about him. Friends are crucial! This is the agreement we have. I make it clear that I’m in charge, after all I’m his head nurse, and I will do what I need to do to feel like I’m living a fulfilled life. It is possible to lead a happy life and be married to mental illness, as long as your spouses disorder is not in control of both of you and as long as your spouse honors you and appreciates you and you honor her and all of her positive qualities