As I sit here…my girlfriend is in a schizto meltdown. She’s humming to herself, delusional about her medications, and the personality that hates me is rearing its ugly head. She’s talking to herself. Tonight, I may have to call the police.
She will be pretty mad if I do that. She will tell me I better be gone before she gets back. Gonna be a very long night.
Oh gosh, I understand. We’ve all been there, the meltdowns are awful and the decision to call the police is always a tough one. If you do call, and if she does go, I hope the outcome is good, and if it goes like in my family, the anger will fade when she gets back. It is sooooo hard to endure the hatred when the psychosis is directed at you. I hope you will be OK, and your girlfriend finds peace (with or without forced help). Only forced help has benefited my daughter. I forgave myself for my part in it, and she has no animosity towards me at all these days. (and her meds are working currently). Good luck. We on this forum are understanding of your situation and hope it goes well.
How is your girlfriend? It is so common for their psychosis to be aimed at a loved one. I hope you are OK.
Im ok. I am always her verbal punching bag. But lately I have been biting back when she starts in and she doesn’t like that. She’s also a classic narccisist so that doesn’t help either. But I AM ok for now. I have my moments when it gets to me pretty bad. But I’m ok. Thank you for checking on me and her. It means the world to me. At least I know someone out there cares.
Pamela
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Tonight I asked my girlfriend a question.
I asked her if she even wants me around anymore. We don’t sleep in the same room much less the same bed, we don’t eat our meals together anymore. We don’t even have legit conversations without you getting angry…her answer was
Go get in the shower.
I said…you just answered my question.
So I think I’m getting close to leaving.
Thank you for the update. This illness is so awful, it changes people so badly. And makes them lash out at those who are trying to help. I think it is worst for spouses/partners honestly, and many times the relationship cannot endure. One good family I know, still together, is together because of medicine compliance that had to be forced on the ill partner. He was a brave stoic soul who just would not give up on her and used the hospitals and court systems to enforce meds, but his wife gained insight into her illness and wanted to stay on meds and keep the family together.
Your partner, however much you care for her, may be unable to care for herself or your relationship. I am sorry. If you leave, I will certainly understand. It must be so very very hard on you.
So, today I feel like I’m the crazy one. I don’t know why I told on to hope that she will ever get better. Today I caught with her meth. I was so hoping she had given up on it. I’m so heartbroken. Why is it so hard to walk away? I have no choice but to figure out where I’m going to go and just do it.
I need prayers for courage and strength. This…is gonna hurt.
Pamela
Sending you prayers, courage, strength and also hopes for the peace that you know you are doing the right thing for both of you, because you are.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
Deciding to leave a relationship is always awful from my own life experience. It feels like giving up on your hopes and dreams and promises. But a relationship that is in serious trouble can’t survive on hope and meth is serious trouble even without a mental illness. One thing I’ve found out through life experience, is that sometimes leaving is a much, much better way to achieve other hopes and dreams that were buried during a bad relationship. I hope you find a good path after you leave. It will take you awhile to heal.