I am also on the debilitating drug palperidone.
Could you help me with a question I have?
My son, 35 has scz and is unmedicated, his illness is paranoid based, he lives here on our property in a separate home we built for him over a garage that isn’t attached to our house.
His doctor won’t talk to me at his request, so I can’t get any guidance that would apply to him. My son goes to a doctor because he told me “I need someone to talk to”. People here often encourage parents to keep reaching out to their adult children. My son’s paranoia is pretty focused on his dad and I at this point.
He likes to live his own life in his place best he can. Here’s my question. Since seeing us or hearing from us makes him angry, should we continue to extend invitations to join us for holiday dinners?
Other parents say" keep reaching out" I really hate the idea of him being out there, happy with whatever he is doing at the time, and I text him and possible ruin his day.
Thanks in advance
I have read your posts in the past but missed the extent your son focused his paranoia on you. I am so sorry. We have had short periods of that type of relationship, but for the most part we get along. Being a caretaker if hard but being resented for it is brutal. My heart aches for you. In the meantime, yes being there for him is vital, but if you know special occasions will result in anger, why not pass for a bit?
And maybe @Schizoid777 will shed some light on this for you.
Hi hope this post hits close to home for me I also have schizophrenia and I also don’t talk to my parents maybe it’s something to do with the illness. The reason I don’t talk to mine is because of the upbringing I received. Where I was pulled from pillar to post and stayed with my dad from 13 onwards where I witnessed him continually taking drugs and drinking and was brought up to think it was normal. When I left home I started taking drugs which triggered a mental illness. I do also have paranoid thoughts about my family i. e thinking that they worship the devil and so on so this could be a reason he may have paranoid thoughts about you because schizophrenia is really conspiracy based I feel. Have you ever acted in a way that could make him not trust you? Hope that helps
Thanks, @thereisalwayshope His focusing on us started with the 6 week severe psychotic break he had in June when he began (I believe) having intrusive thoughts about us sexually abusing him. These thoughts of sexual abuse became a hard core delusion pretty fast. It used to just be his dad that he was afraid of, now he is angry at both of us that we won’t stop abusing him.
Hi Schizoid777, My son and I had a good relationship before he became ill. He was always a little afraid of his dad as a kid. I believe he trusted me until his major episode in June. He believes we have started sexually abusing him and its occurring now. He will still contact me as though nothing is different if he needs help with something.
That does help a good deal, thank you.
I don’t understand he thinks you are sexually abusing him when he’s 35 or when he was younger? I’m glad it helped
He actually thinks we are sexually abusing him now, at age 35. He will wake us up when he texts us in the middle of the night to ask us to please stop.
Your perspective was very helpful.
Does he think yous are traveling in spirit and doing this or something. Does he not live with you? I think he needs medication to balance his thought patterns. I am struggling with my thoughts right now I get really racist thoughts which I don’t like any advice? but medication does help with the positive symptoms but the negative symptoms usually persist.
At first he thought we were abusing him through his video games. His brother said it may be possible that someone in an online game was bullying him. He was pretty sure it was us. We don’t play online games at all. Now he seems to think we are are invading his space through his electricity. Yes, he is in a different building on our property.
Intrusive thoughts are difficult. Since my son refuses to take any meds, I am not familiar with which meds might help with such symptoms. Usually people here seem to advise people to tell their doctor and have a med adjusted to help.
I am on palperidone it does help with the psychotic symptoms like delusional thoughts although I do sometimes get them. Paliperidone or Risperdal are you in UK? He shouldn’t really be out unmedicated with thoughts like that he needs professional help in my opinion. Has he ever been sectioned?
No, that’s the tricky part. He has never been sectioned. We are in the States and the laws for each state are different. Our state is one of the more backward states when it comes to mental health. To make it worse, we live in a rural area with even less help available.
We will have him sectioned as soon as we can satisfy the laws of our state.
A lot of people are helped with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There is hope. Tell your doctor about the thoughts. My son meditates and it is helpful. Do you get regular excercise? It has helped me so much. I hope you will find peace.
I say, yes, keep inviting him. But keep your expectations low. Let him know it’s ok for him to leave early, for example.
.He may not come but it’s always nice to be asked.
I hope you have a peaceful holiday!
We did have a peaceful holiday. Jeb had an episode Sunday afternoon that lasted late into the night. The actual day of the event was quiet. Was your holiday nice?
His psychiatrist called me. I had asked him to call me last month and he did not. This month when I wrote the monthly update , I mentioned the 3 questions that I had hoped to ask if he would call me. None of them would violate patient rights. I would see them as “caregiver advice”. The main question was about texting Jeb to keep in touch and about inviting him to holiday stuff. The advice was to not text Jeb unless it was in response to a text from him. Since my husband and I are the focus of his delusions it is only seen as harassment by Jeb.
I was pretty sure that was the way to go in our situation.
That is sad, for both of you. I’m sorry that you are the focus of his delusions.
I didn’t see it as sad, the doctor’s advice seemed like an affirmation of what I thought was for the best. Also made me feel that he was listening to my son. We had known this would happen eventually. Like many sufferers, my son’s scz runs a pattern. He has delusions about whoever is close in proximity to him. When we moved him home we knew we would eventually be the subject of his delusions.
For me, I like the illness to keep to its known patterns. Its the new stuff that gets me concerned and on alert.
I have my sad times, getting to talk to his doctor who focused on the good things about Jeb’s condition was nice.
We all would like certain results and sometimes those desires don’t match with what reality is going to give us. As long as we can figure out what is the best individual path for our loved ones and work in that direction - hey.
You got that right…
These patterns are a trip, interesting case study to realize the dramatic differences between mother and daughter that are pretty much completely gone, but in wildly different ways and take different Meds… they do run patterns and new shit is scary…
I think it’s sad when our loved ones can’t join us on the holidays.
Just weighing in to your original post asking for advice.
I see, yes, when I asked Schizoid 777 for his perspective - what a great holiday “present” it was for me to get the doctor’s perspective - don’t you think? It is sad when the illness takes away holidays with us. When that sort of sadness pops its head up during the holiday, I make myself do something, anything, to switch my mind to a different track.
Wouldn’t it be awful for Jeb to be all happy with his holiday and for me to text in and ruin it? I try to not make his life more difficult - its not easy NOT doing things. I don’t want to make his life more difficult by doing something that’s more based on my needs than his.