Talked to my parents today on the phone. Dad’s starting to say a couple more words and be able to swallow again. The visiting nurses finally took out his nasogastric tube. He also has no teeth (due to gingivitis) he’s been sipping replacement meals. He’s still in diapers. I can tell my parents have been fixating on “my return” as if I am coming home from war or something. They have a paranoid view of the outside world. It’s like night and day stepping into their world again… My mom is beginning to put a lot of emphasis on the day I’m coming. I’m also bringing my fiance and our two kids. She has a tendency to get manic over things like this (thinks she’s a super mom) and crashes into major depression while facing the reality of the situation. I’m worried about the kids. (When I was a little girl I actually vowed never to bring my kids to see them). Our older one is very vocal in his thoughts and ask questions like “why do they smell so bad” and “he looks like he’s so dumb” (my dad— In his sedated state all he wants to do is sit in a chair and stare for hours)
While on the phone I told my dad that I’m scared of becoming schizophrenic with all of the stress I’m under with full-time school, work, two kids, my fiance, finances, and keeping up with our house. He was silent on the phone.
My partner in crime had a nuclear family and doesn’t understand what I’ve gone through/am going thorugh. He often says things that translate to “suck it up buttercup, move on”. -but then he gets upset with me when I shut down and do not communicate with him. I come from an entirely different world than he does. How do I keep my upbringing from disrupting the healthy, happy life we are trying to build? What do I do when everyone is expecting normalcy when I don’t even know what it is?
My fiance says to trust him. He’s right 98% of the time. … just still learning how to is all.