Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Refusing to speak to me while in Hospital. Being deployed is not easy


#1

Good Evening, once again I’m posting because I don’t know how to take this. My fiance I believe has cut me off while in the hospital. I was talking to her social worker and doctors but she is still refusing to talk to me. I am worried her deliousinal mind is completely against and am afarid she will still be that way when she stablelizes.


#2

Hi, first of all, I am really glad you’re posting here because the combination of your fiancee’s hospitalization and deployment sounds incredibly stressful. You can sort of vent here and ask questions.

It’s really usual for a person with severe symptoms who has been hospitalized not to communicate with friends and family until they are stable. I understand your fear. Statistics are on your side as the vast majority of people who have been hospitalized welcome communication with their loved ones when they feel better. I don’t know how long it typically takes for people to stabilize, but there is no “typical” course of the illness. Everyone who has it is unique and their illness is too.

My best guess is that she will talk to you when she is ready. Have you asked the staff there whether you can write her a note or letter and mail it to her?


#3

I agree with Hereandhere, there is no typical. I know my son (24 yrs old) took a few weeks but he was really bad when he went in. I had a lot of fear that he wouldn’t get better and he did. I agree that the statistics are on your side and she’ll welcome your calls when she’s better. These drugs take time to work. I found one of the hardest things to deal with was my son’s anger and hostility toward all of us. He wouldn’t talk to us or let me talk to his doctor. It was part of the illness, but I didn’t know that at the time. It’s a pretty frightening thing to go through. Just know she’s in the best place possible. It takes a bit of time for the brain to get well from this. Hang in there. I’m sorry you’re going through this when you’re deployed. Thank you for your service, and please remember she’s safe in the hospital and getting the medicine she needs.


#4

Thanks you. That’s what I am hoping for! I wish I could just let her I know I love her and only want the best for her along with being the happiest as possible she can be. It’s good I can come here and get some stuff out of my head because try to talk to anyone in the military and they tell you to leave them and get over it. That will never be possible for me everyone has their problems even I do and she doesn’t bother me about them. Just keeping it together until she gets better.


#5

Apparently, it’s not just people in the military. Lots of people tell parents to kick their kids out or leave their spouses in the civilian world too.

People who really love their friend or family member with SZ hang in there no matter what - so welcome to the club!

Is this the first time she’s been hospitalized since you’ve been together? My son had his first hospitalization (involuntary) this past year & I freaked out in every way I could freak out. He came out, was better, but stopped his meds again in about a week. In a few months, he had to go back in again. The next time, I was a rock because I knew it was the only chance of him getting the help he needed and I knew he’d be OK in there.

If she won’t talk to you, maybe the nurses can at least let her know you’ve called to check on her?
She’ll come around. At the hospital my son went too, I think they even had it in the materials they gave me that many patients refuse visitors and calls at first so that the family expects it.

I hope this turns out to be a good thing for her and for you.


#6

No this would be my second, but I was in San Diego the whole time so I could visit a lot. She wouldn’t really talk on the phone then but I could at least see her after about a week. The first time I visited she flipped out because she wanted out but this time I’m not in the area which makes this a lot worse for me. After that hospitalization she was great for a few months. She quit the meds a few weeks after but managed to maintain stability for quite a while. It’s just recently she spiked and could not control it. I’m just afarid I’m going to lose.her and she is going to make a bad choice and wind up on the streets or hurting herself.


#7

My biggest fear has always been that he’d end up as one of those homeless people you see who are obviously mentally ill, so I get it. I think most of us are afraid of that. You just have to keep hoping for the best, and maybe this hospital stay will hold her together enough until you come home. Even if she won’t talk to you, you know where she is right now and you know she’s safe.

My son thought he could control it too. Thought he could take less meds when he was feeling OK - then take more when symptoms spiked. Then, either the meds stopped working and he quit taking them, or it got away from him and he quit taking them. Either way, he got really sick, lost his insight and hasn’t got it back.

If this is fairly new for her, I’ll share something that will help you more than her in the future. My son had his first psychotic break at 15. We had no idea what was going on. The school called us thinking he was on drugs and demanded we take him to the hospital to be checked. The drug test came back clean and the psych intake unit scared me so bad that when they said they didn’t have a bed for him, but could transport him somewhere else, I said no thank you and took him home. He was completely unmedicated, came out of it after we got him to get some sleep, and was fine in a few days.

He stayed perfectly fine, as if nothing at all was wrong, for 9 months before it happened again.

They can have periods of stability without their meds. And if the meds worked great, it’s easy for them to think they don’t need them and want to stop, or think they can control it.


#8

Thinking back to when we where in high school a lot of us can see it now. She was the girl everyone wanted to call their own, class president and friends with all the crowds. But she was always kind of acting a little odd and saying she could see things that where never really there. I didn’t see her for a while until she came back from college and joined the Air Force but right after the Air Force is when she had her first mental break. For the last three years she has been so sick she couldn’t do anything but be in bed. It wasn’t until about a year ago when we got together that she has become a lot better and functional. She is very educated on her illness and what sets it off. It’s just so upsetting to see someone that knows they are that sick and still avoid treatment.


#9

I think a card or note could be very helpful. Sometimes something tangible is the best thing.


#10

My son knows when he’s getting sick too, but let it go too far and it doesn’t matter - they believe their illness 100% & get very paranoid about almost anyone trying to help them.

It’s funny - looking back, I can remember very, very isolated things when he was very young that weren’t right. And, they went over mental illnesses in health class during middle school. He came home and told me he thought he might be schizophrenic. He was already a little anxious & would ask me if this, that or the other meant he might have cancer, so I reassured him and we went on with life.

The good thing is that she has you now, and she’s getting some help right now, in this moment. We all have to remember that we can only plan for the future, but we never know what it might bring. Hopefully, she’s use the intelligence she obviously has to stay on the right track while you’re gone if the hospital can get her in a good mental place.

Maybe you can advocate for a longer stay as much as you can from where you are?
That way she would be safe for as long as possible and as stable as she can be when she is released?