The last few months has been extremely challenging for my family. My daughter with sz sees to be getting worse or was she always like that and I was in denial. In the last week she was placed in the hospital for the 4th time in the last 2 months. She came home the other day. Yesterday she behaved erratically and hit me. She has never done that before and she also hit my 5 year old granddaughter on her chest leaving a mark. I called the police and now she is in jail and there is a restraining on her that she can’t come to my house and see the kids or me. A couple of months ago she threatened to kill herself right in front of her kids.
I’m extremely sad but I know I did the right thing. I’ve told her casework several times that my daughter belongs in a group home and not live with me and the kids. She’s not able to live alone as she definitely needs support. I am no longer able to give her that support. My grandchildren are a priority. Since she was diagnosed about 15 years ago I’ve always been there for her. I just can’t do it anymore. She’s become too volatile, unpredictable and scary for me and the kids to have in the house. She also refuses to take her medication and accuses me of trying to poison her. She also thinks that I have a gun hidden in my house (I’ve never owned a gun) and that I was waiting to kill her with a gun. It’s taken a toll on my 9 year old grandson. He adores his mother and he also knows his mother is not well.
My middle daughter drove about 200 miles with her son to be with me and the kids. It feels good to have her here and give us support. I know I can raise the children. I’ve learned so much about children since they have been with me and I believe I’m now a much grandmother than I ever was as a mother. As a mother I was always working and distracted. My prayers are that my daughter will eventually find wellness and that everything will work out for the better for all of us.
You’ve done everything you can, but sometimes, you just have to admit you can’t do anymore.
It sounds like she might be better off somewhere else if you’ve become part of her paranoia. If you think about it from her viewpoint, she must be terrified of you.
Maybe, they can find someplace where she feels safe, at peace and will be willing to take her meds. You probably know as good as any of us that sometimes a friend or stranger can convince a child, even an adult child, to do the very same thing they resist when a parent suggests it.
I’m very sorry to hear that it has come to this point Molly, but I think you have done the right thing for yourself and mostly importantly her children. I’m sure she would be horrified if she was conscious and could see what she has been doing to her family. Hopefully they’ll transfer her to a mental institution after the hearing.
@Doctor What you said is right on the money. I’m positive she would be horrified that she hurt her child, me and the family.
@slw: yes, I think you’re right – perhaps someone else can help her much more than I can. Part of all this is my daughter’s very delayed maturity. Cognitively and emotionally she is still a child and I want to believe that this is her rebellious phase that should have happened when she was 15 or 16 when she didn’t have children to consider.
In the long run it’s all for the best for her, the children and me.
I know of mothers with children who are drug addicts who are raising their grandchildren and have had to do similar actions for the children and their well being. Many time social services steps in and bars that adult from the home. I know it is a hard decision. God bless you and give you peace of mind. In my opinion it is the right decision.
The best thing you can do is keep your grandchildren and yourself safe from her. I had to leave my husband because I feel he is no longer safe to live with and doesn’t provide stability for my son (most important). It was one of the hardest things I have ever done: turning my back on him was never my plan. This last time he was in the hospital, I told them that I thought he would benefit from a group home: someone to live with and keep an eye on him as he is not compliant with his meds and has absolutely no concept of a dollar. Unfortunately, they didn’t see it that way and released him. He was ok for about a week and was right back where he started. Risperdone is a drug that is just not working for him. It kills me everyday knowing he is facing life by himself, but it is in the best interest of my son that he stay away. I am hoping maybe someday he gains insight and gets his life back under control! I hope this situation gets better for you and your grandchildren. Good Luck and God Bless you!