My girlfriend (Nikki) has Schizo effective disorder. She started young with this condition as just feeling different, and saying she feels like she is in a glass box and no matter how loud she shouts no-one can hear her.
We have been living together for 8 years. To describe schizo effective disorder - its a mood disorder, depression, happy then uncontrollable anger, abuse, swearing,hallucinations, delusions, no money control, she spends all my money almost immediately when it comes in, unable to cook or buy food empty fridge/ takeaway food, no sleep or concentration (cannot watch a TV or film start to end), no motivation, binge eating and lots of coffee drinking and smoking. She can watch the film Titanic and Mrs Doubt fire almost every week.
Its not all doom and gloom, sometimes i find her mind very sharp, observant and she “sees” things on a deeper level.
I cant make friends with her as she is very distrusting of all people. We live in a very poor area.
Nikki is constantly talking of traumatic experiences in childhood of parent divorce, single occasion of parent abuse, bad relationships and everyday chores that she has difficulty.
When i am with her, she can become very abusive for days/weeks/months on end. On many occasions i have found my vision going blurry, losing the thread of what is spoken about. I develop confusion and sometimes ridiculous scenarios take place, inconceivable to rational people.
My major complaint is that there is never a third person, a witness to see this tirade of abuse thrust on me. I have lost count where i wish i had CCTV installed. Nikki can switch mentally, she can abuse me, then have a cordial conversation on the phone with her mother, then continue abusing me.
One one occasion i visited her at her sisters house. She had been kids for 3 days and was exhausted, even cross eyed. She wanted to relax in a bar to unwind. I had parked the motor home safely at a truck stop nearby. Both of enjoyed a happy evening together, and we retired to the motorhome. We both showered and sat down. Over the course of a few hours Nikki went into some mental relapse of abusing me. I cannot describe the energy or purpose behind her mind, its seems to constantly grow without tiring.
I find myself locked out of the motor-home by her, standing in a nearby graveyard, in the rain mad at myself for not being able to do anything. I decided to drive her to her sisters for a witness, which was one minute drive. I got stopped by police and subsequently banned.
I have since been searching for words to describe our relationship. I found this in the dictionary:
Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
Nikki does go to doctors for medication, she once had a clinic where for some reason she was discharged.
I live abroad from Nikki now, my clarity is nearly back together. I constantly get emails from her, several times per day, she sends text messages to my elderly father too.
I miss being with her, as i said there are good times, my mind only seems to remember those, wishing i get the good Nikki. We have very rarely had sexual intercourse and my mind struggles with the Nikki that i am with. I earn all the money and can work from home. We eat well when together. Nikki has craving for cannabis sometimes, of which i do not. She enjoys cannabis and there is something oddly fitting with her and that drug. Its almost as if she already sees her life through a “movie lens” and somehow she appears much happier.
Her standard medication she says does help her, but i have not seen this particularly with her mood stability.
On two occasions when Nikki has had outburst at me, i have recorded with the camera on the laptop, this very short videos. These are at the end of her outbursts as during the middle i am incapable of thinking to do a recording.
I have seen these videos and can physically see my eyes have sunken and changed shape, they drop some how.
I have not laughed in many years, my mother has had clinical depression for 40 years.
I find time alone now very beneficial. My body and mind is learning again to function.
I am 37 years old and Nikki is 41, I think this relationship is not going to work plus i would like children. My mental health is okay, sometimes rarely i feel lonely and tired, but i am mostly well enough to do things when on my own.
I will read and reply to anyone who has advice or experience on this.