Guilt is a feeling that we as caregivers have likely felt more than once in helping our loved ones.
I also wanted to mention that although I joined the forum looking for more positive words and encouragement (because I am not getting that in my “real” life), I have found that what I might think of as negative comments can be just as helpful as the positive ones. Just imagine if everyone agreed with your opinion or only had positive things to say about what you were doing in your life. Not only would life be pretty boring (unless you were completely narcissistic!), but you could easily miss out on some opportunities for personal growth. I invite all comments, whether I agree with them or not. Some times they hurt, but all give me a chance to be more thoughtful and to consider alternatives.
I wish hermana80 and her sister the best and hope they both find peace.
This is a sign of paranoia and not a criticism of you. Who know the reasons she’s thinking, but I bet their not good. Paranoia is a terrible thing and people make up crazy rationalizations for what they think is happening.
Personally, I think @hermana80 you have a right to your own life. And to be satisfied with your own decisions. Schizophrenia is a cruel disease. No one knows what causes it, even doctors don’t know why meds work or don’t work, and the majority of people ill with sz, by statistic, don’t know they are ill and can’t recognize their own symptoms. No one can or should judge your decisions except for you, yourself. If you feel you have done enough for your sisters, you have done enough. Life can be cruel. I wish you happiness.
Hi
I relate to you
Without a superadd my 2 brothers… one schizophrenic middle brother youngest with a world of troubles -and i would all 3 be dead already rather than just our middle brother
I think my family is more unlucky with 2 schizophrenics a d a long term stalked paranoid frequently drunk long term breakdown/
I walked away a lot
I had to
I always am short on mental toughness
I have a history of schizophrenic psychosis after stress
I’m 13 years in remission in am only now truly openhearted when she is sober
Boundaries are important, for your own health and well-being, for other family members, and often even for the person herself with serious mental illness. But because I love my family member with serious mental illness, I will not give up doing what I can do to help “recovery”, with the boundaries I have in place.
I believe my son often uses his illness to manipulate me when he wants something or when he does not want to do a chore or run a quick errand He loves to say “I’m schitz” when asked to help with anything. He only functions based on if something is in it for him.
He must see his lvl of functioning as fairly low. It’s hard to get me out of the house because it’s stressful for me. Try to reward him for the things he does so he can find motivation to do it. The negative symptoms of sz can be severe.
My son became ill at 14. At 36 he tried to kill me and my husband. We survived and now my son lives at the state hospital.
As I read your post my heart aches for the pain I hear in your words. Schizophrenia is a family illness. It’s incredibly hard for every family member. And each person needs to know their limitations and have boundries.
A few things that have helped me cope is getting a really good understanding of this horrible illness. The symptoms are behaviors. Can we always tease apart what’s caused by the illness and what is just a cranky, rude, thoughtless behavior? Usually not. At least I usually can’t with any certainty.
Another thing that has gotten me through some very tough times is talking with other family members. I’m seeing a trauma therapist. What makes him so helpful to me is that he has a son with schizophrenia. His son isn’t violent but even so our journey has been similar. I know he understands my feelings and my pain.
Find someone who has walked this walk to talk to. Get better educated about this illness so your sisters words and behaviors don’t feel so personal. And talk with your youngest sister and explain how you feel and why. You might be surprised at how she sees things.
There are no right or wrong things here, just educated and compassionate acceptance that life with a family member with schizophrenia is an incredibly arduous journey we each have to walk in our own best way. Be at peace with whatever decisions you need to make.
He was under a court order to take his medication. A nurse came out every two weeks and gave him an injection but he had several important oral medications that he wasn’t taking. We found a full months worth in his apartment. Some “friends” parked their camper behind his house and squatted there for 9 months. They were meth users. He got hooked. Meth and paranoid schizophrenia are a deadly combination. Each day I thank God we all lived through the experience. It could have gone so wrong.
Meth can cause psychosis in normal people and i believe it is an absolute outcome for those with sz. No ap is going to counter the effects of meth. If anyone has someone who is taking meth it’s critical that they stop
Amen! I spoke with a national expert and he told me about 5% of people with schizophrenia and an addiction to meth do very, very well kicking their addiction. The other 95% do very, very poorly. He said it seemed there was no in between. It’s a horrible drug. And I struggle to be hopeful he’ll be free of his addiction long-term.
It is pretty common for people with sz to be involved with substance abuse as a form of self-medication. It definitely complicates the treatment process as well as often worsens the symptoms.
Anything dopamine related like cocaine or meth will act against the APs which aim to reduce dopamine in the brain. Other drugs will destabilize on other levels. MJ can increase auditory hallucinations. And as for dxm, I would never let anyone with sz go near dxm
Thanks Wreklus. Yes, I do feel some guilt, but I’m mentally unable to look out for her anymore. I hope that the guilt will go away. I suspect she will get on better without me anyway. She has my other sister there anyway.
I have been on antidepressants for 8 years now and suffer from severe anxiety caused a lot by her treatment of me. I’ve my own problems and it’s not selfish to think about myself for a while. It’s been so long since I put myself first that I’ve literally forgotton how to do it. I never spent any money on myself apart from the bare essentials because she has a shopping addiction and would buy anything and everything. I no longer care now.
I am sorry if I was harsh in my messages. I was literally still reeling from having been forced out of my own flat. (She doesnt even live with me. SHe lives in the flat beside me). I’m still shocked and angry about it. I even feel like I’m losing it a bit to be honest because I’ve done so much for her and she treats me like this. That’s all.
You need to take care of yourself first. You shouldn’t feel guilt about your sister, she will survive. If you have your own problems deal with that. Life is hard on everyone, we do what we can.
Thanks Moonwalker,
It’s a skill I have forgotten, looking after myself. I look like a bag lady (no offence to bag ladies). I don’t know where to start! HAven’t had haircut in a long time. Maybe i’ll start there and see what happens. It’s a relief now that i can concentrate on myself and forget about her for at least a year. I’ve told my mum if things kick off with her not to expect me to drive to hopsital, talk, give advice, de-escalate, explain, lend money, etc. I AM DONE! xxxxx
I know Hope. So many people don’t realise the intense rivalry there can be between sisters, especially if one is secretly hostile to the other while presenting a “butter wouldn’t melt” picture to the outside world.
No one is ugly.
My sister with schizophrenia turns heads everywhere she goes because she is “beautiful” outwardly. But I’d rather look like the Elephant Man than be and look like her because she’s rotten on the inside. (I’m not referring to the szhizophrenia here - she’s a MASSIVE narcissist and cares only about herself).