Self care 151515

On here I spent a lot of time deliberating what community activities to do like work or volunteer. It seems to be causing more stress than it’s worth so for the time being, I’d like to just focus on my own life because my mental health isn’t keeping up. My mom will be gone for work the next three weeks. So far I’ve been taking the bus out during the day. I’m not very high functioning. The new house we live in is really nice but I still feel like other aspects of my life haven’t gotten better. I feel like right now I want to stress eat/stress sleep and stay away from feelings. There is a mountain of food in the fridge. Tomorrow I might like to jog and mop the floors, and go out for some California rolls. Here is a photo from my birthday.

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What a beautiful cake!

If you do something like mop the floor, give yourself a lot of credit. That is so helpful and I’m sure really appreciated by your family.

Self care is so important. You deserve a lot of credit for all the effort you put in. Hope you have a good evening

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Wow @Tukey , I think it is great that you are taking the bus while your mother is away working! and Happy belated Birthday. Yes, don’t stress yourself, just doing one extra thing a day for yourself with no stress is good.

Thanks for all the help I get on here. I feel like many people here encourage recovery as opposed to alternative treatments or dangerous/damaging ideas. I’m still attending support groups on Tuesdays. I got back into jogging and might go out this weekend to visit the Asian grocers. Tomorrow I might go out to visit the bakery. I turned down volunteering at the homeless shelter. Originally I wanted to help kids with homework, but my mind isn’t good for academic stuff anymore. I miss my BFF, who hasn’t talked to me since wishing me happy bday last week. It’s really hard to go without her guidance. I hope she’s doing ok in Vegas. I am getting a bit of anxiety/paranoia but it’s manageable.

Recently my family moved into a new house. My high school classmates were mostly rich and my college classmates are better off than most. My parents, who will now receive extra income from rent, is letting me spend a bit more money. I posted a photo of me visiting a candy store at the mall and I realized most of my current friends did not go to college and sometimes they just see me as someone who can afford nice things. My mom, who is good at housekeeping, is away for work till the end of August and the house is turning into a mess. Tomorrow I need to try mopping again. I miss my BFF, who recently moved to Las Vegas. She’s smart, social, and is good at reading people. I have been backstabbed more than once by friends so I’m not really good at reading people and I don’t trust most of my other friends the way I trust my BFF. I really don’t want to give mentally ill people an advantage over other people who’ve also done the right thing and saw me for who I am. I would really like to help the mentally ill, but I feel it is time they show me who they are, why they deserve to be in my life, and what their hopes for the future are. Not many people opened their lives to me the way my BFF has, but I want to give them dignity and empathy in the pages of my life.

(My self-reflection thread.)
I’ve been in support group many years now and have many friends. But I’ve never really been attracted to any guy there. But my support group director introduced me to a few who he probably believes to be decent guys to befriend. One is in his 40s, bipolar, works with prison inmates. After I friended him on Facebook, I realized he has a “bad boy” side so I started avoiding him though he seems cool. He broke up with this girl he really likes and seems to want to be her soulmate… from their Facebook posts, I feel like he must’ve done something wrong. I don’t think she dumped him because he was poor, but I don’t know for certain. Another guy is a low functioning guy also in his 40s. Tbh, he is not attractive at all and I feel like he stalks me because he thinks I’m pretty. I don’t think you get a gf by praying to God or something. I care about them, but I’m sort of notoriously bad at dating. I dated two guys in the past, both of whom I didn’t feel strongly for. And I can be kind of nasty/very insensitive, get mad when they don’t shower, etc. Then one day I meet a guy online who is young and smart and when I kissed him I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He broke up with me and I’ve resigned to look for love no more. I don’t want to date either guys I mentioned above but maybe this is their identity. They want to see themselves as guys who have meaningful connections with a girl. Of course they often all go after the same young/pretty ones who might be troubled, never some nice but homely person. My dad is retiring soon and he plans to take my mom to become expats in Southeast Asia and leave me to care for everything. I wonder if I will just be alone with the dogs. Anyways, I hope I can make some new friends. I feel like weaker males lead tough lives with very little sympathy. Maybe the low functioning guy has a big heart.

Feeling a bit tired. Today I took the bus out intending to visit a new dessert shop in Honolulu. Got anxiety before I got there and ended up going back home. Tomorrow I think I’ll stay home. Can’t wait for support group this coming Tuesday. I don’t like getting caught up in my thoughts, being home alone. I feel like support group is my last social outlet. It’s frustrating the way I’m living right now. The chicken I made today didn’t come out well… I am dealing with mild symptoms tbh. Bummer. It would be nice to take a break… need guidance from my BFF.