Today I took the bus to Honolulu and got a pork chop plate and iced tea. For some reason this old guy sat next to me and won’t stop coming around when I got off at the bus stop. My mom is away and I didn’t feel like cooking, that shouldn’t be a reason to bother me. My dad took the dogs hiking today and they look happily tired. I feel for some reason like people outside on the bus were angry with me and wanted to hurt me. I recognize it as paranoia but it still makes me anxious. My mom showed me videos of her boss’s daughter and she looks very grown up and sophisticated. I can’t wait to see my mom again. Lately nobody goes to support group so I haven’t had the chance to attend in a month now, but I hope more people will show up eventually. My BFF has good values so I used to contact her if I had something to question, but she stopped talking to me except a few times since she moved away. I really wish more people would attend support group… I enjoy being social but at the moment that doesn’t seem to be that option for me.
Thanks for letting me vent here. No need to reply though I don’t mind hearing your vents either. I’m feeling a bit weak at the moment both mentally and physically. I had dinner with my dad today… My thoughts are a bit disorganized and I can’t think clearly. But right now nothing would feel better than some sleep. Hopefully some people will show up for support group this week. I miss being social and sometimes I wish I could get away from all this but in the morning I have to start all over again. Our state’s primary election came back with good results. We’re a Democratic state so it’s predictable who will win at the general election. I personally don’t favor either side but I am cautiously optimistic. My mom is coming home next week Wednesday. I know I say this a lot but I really worry about my parents leaving one day.
Tukey,
My knowledge of geography sucks. So is Honolulu one of the bigger islands, did you grow up their. How is the weather there in the summer time. What kind of dogs do you have. I also have the wandering mind, sometimes I can talk on ten different subjects when I get excited but never really complete any of the conversation. Actually I do it a lot. I hope you have a good day and your Mom gets home soon. Hugs to you.
Yes definitely need my mom to come back. The house is a huge mess. For some reason I’ve been getting weaker and weaker and unable to do the things I want (time of month). I’m stuck lying in bed waiting for sleep. I feel like I’m wearing weights wherever I go and I face disappointment from my dad. I just feel disappointed with how things are turning out and I wish I could date or do more social activities. Tomorrow is support group and I hope more people will attend. I get the impression from the news that it doesn’t seem like Fall or Winter is going to be cheerful. I also wonder when COVID will ease enough to visit family but they always ask me stuff like if I got a job or will marry yet and I’m already 31. I’m kind of letting life go and not expecting to find a partner. But at the present time I do not have the ability to pursue these things. My BFF talked to me today, I wonder if there’s something she wants to tell me. I feel like people around me are narrowly hiding the fact that they want to hurt me. After my BFF moved away, she had me take two friends out for lunch at an expensive place for my birthday. I think for some reason more people revealed their inner demons like greed and envy. I have this friend to thank. I feel like it would be nice to do some housework tomorrow and attend support group. I still look pretty cute, I guess. My most recent photo. I miss my mom that’s all. I’m not young and I expect to go to Heaven soon the way time is passing.
Yes, pretty cute! Of course you miss your mom. Mine passed away in 1978 and I still miss her. I was 21 then. That was the same year the movie “Heaven Can Wait” came out.
Tukey, My daughter and I are very close also she is not at home now she is at a ranch getting on some meds to make things hopefully better for her. I miss her so much as I’m sure your mom misses you. I like your picture you look much younger than 31 my daughter is also 31, born in April of 91. She hates being at the ranch she just wants to get on with life. She hopes to get her high school GED or equivalent when she comes home I hope she can follow through with that but we will see. She has a hard time with people also always thinking they are thinking negative thoughts about her also. But you know what you weren’t put here to please them, you were put here to live the best life you are able and to heck with them and their negativity. You smile today okay I bet you have a beautiful smile. Hugs to you sweet girl.
I want to clean the house today but got tired after a few minutes. The place is a complete mess. Dog hair everywhere. I feel like the place is turning into a pigsty. I want to take a nap as well… my mental health isn’t good. One more week till my mom gets home. I feel like people are giving me a hard time lately and I’m starting to get more delusions, though I recognize them as such. It feels like there’s no place to go to hide away. I feel too public when I post on Facebook or Instagram lately and I keep getting weird looks when I go out.
Thank you. She sounds like a nice person who was unfortunate enough to get this illness… but hopefully it gets better. For most people I met at support group, they were able to recover and pursue what they wish such as exercise, work, friendships, etc. I think she just needs to be around more mentally ill people who are doing well now. The mental health system has some people who genuinely want to help and others who stigmatize or even show cruelty to those with schizophrenia. I think you need to find the right people/places sometimes. Maybe the Ranch has some people she doesn’t like and hopefully she gets out soon.
Yes, Honolulu is the capital and it is on the island called Oahu.
Hello, Tukey, you are right my daughter has a few people at the ranch that seem to annoy her. Mostly the workers they don’t realize that some of the people there are set off by mean remarks or just being indifferent to her. I wish she had a few friends but I don’t think that will happen. She doesn’t trust people trying to be to friendly to her. And she is homesick.
On another note I agree about the house cleaning, I would much rather do anything. But I understand too much clutter makes things a little harder. Maybe just pick one thing to do a day when your tired. So you feel better. It doesn’t have to be done all at once. You have a nice day Tukey and also Oldladyblue.