Sorry I got kicked off the sister forum for the diagnosed last year and I wanted to talk somewhere. I moved to the schizophrenia subreddit but they don’t encourage med compliance and often talk about demons. I just want to point out that their mentality conflicts with my support group beliefs that we should try to live our best life even if we take meds or need ssi and recovery is important and not everything is about how you get off meds then go back to work. I got out of a mild relapse that lasted from December to March. It didn’t involve much delusions and I had insight but it was like people from ssi or the bank would enter my head and throw a tantrum over pretty much nothing I really understand or some random thing I did. Since covid began, I haven’t had support groups to go to so last month I’ve been doing some jogging, borrowing one movie from the library every week, and going out with my mom on the weekdays. There are support groups online now, but two med students attend and every time I talk to them, it triggers symptoms again and it’s not as upbeat as in person groups. Also the friends I’ve made there have been being colder and not texting/hanging out like before. I’ve sort of become more isolated. We didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day because my dad is mad at me for isolating and not being more independent. I’m thinking my mom and I might go to the outlet mall tomorrow to do some shopping and I will buy her sushi for lunch at a good restaurant there (about $60). Isolating has made me go out often dressed very casually, leggings everyday so I can go running when I get home, but I will visit family in another country when covid gets better and they prefer me to wear newer looking clothes rather than the same shirt I had from four years ago. I also know some of them follow me on Instagram and seemed to comment to my parents about vaccination after I put up a picture of me getting vaccinated… I also went hiking with my mom and dog a few times since I stabilized. My friend also with schizophrenia thinks I need to have a “work oriented” mindset and at least volunteer. She is currently doing a DVR program and clubhouse and day treatment and gets depressed when she isn’t busy. She’s 5 years younger than me and I used to work part time and go out daily as well but right now I sort of am holding the hope that I can spend the rest of the year just working out and watching some movies and trying to focus on my stability. I think a big change for me was switching from a psychiatry clinic to a private psychiatrist in February. He put me on meds that don’t cause drastic side effects and encouraged me to do some running and was recommended by a friend’s doctor who is also very good. I don’t really feel this “sense of responsibility” to work like my friend. I feel this need to marry one day and have kids and have a family but she doesn’t really understand how I would rather be a mom one day than an office worker.
Here is a photo of me going to the theater to watch an anime last month.
I feel like people have been more hostile towards me lately and there’s been many dark events happening on the news. I can’t act like recovery and living your best life is the only thing that matters and I have other mentally ill friends who seem to be suffering from poverty, bullying by the mental health system, etc. I also don’t think the people on Reddit are lying about demons. I keep reblogging photos of autumn on tumblr because I hope the Summer will fly by and things will be better one day. I think volunteering would be nice but is kind of unnecessary but maybe next year covid will get better and life will be more social again.