Sigh... another turn

My wife has refused SZ treatment for several years, and last fall, after years of varying degrees of awfulness, I had decided to give her a choice, she could either agree to start seeing a doctor and participate in therapy with me, or we would need to separate. She said she preferred to separate, I hired a lawyer to help with that, and she left the country to stay with her family.

I’ve not had much contact with my wife since then. She hasn’t responded when I’ve suggested we should start to work on a separation agreement. The lawyer drew up some documents but we haven’t filed, it seems tricky when one party isn’t present. I’ve been reluctant to push too hard on it, since we effectively are “separated”, and I have not wanted to do something that might induce her to return home, again, unmedicated. We have a teen daughter who has had some issues with anxiety and does not have a functional relationship with her mom, and I’ve worried that the process of separation, if it becomes adversarial, could be very upsetting for her.

Today I heard from my wife’s family that they’ve convinced her to take an injectable medication (she got the shot today, I’m not sure which one). And now I’m conflicted about what I think about that. My wife has never been compliant with any treatment plan for more than a couple months. It was a hugely difficult thing for me to get to where I could tell her we couldn’t continue as a family like that. And while I have to hope for her sake she can stick with this, I don’t know how I feel about this news.

I suppose in the short term the best thing for her is to continue treatment in her birth country until her condition is stabilized. In the meantime, we wait and see if she sticks with it. But if she does, and wants to come home? I’d just started to get used to the idea that we were “done”. Emotionally, our marriage has been a mess for many years, probably partly due to early SZ symptoms. I can’t say we have a history of a good relationship to anchor us. And what to say to our daughter, who I think will be firmly set against giving mom another chance.


Yikes. So sorry for your painful journey. Totally and completely empathize with the mixed feelings. You’d closed a door. After a loooooong time holding it open. And the knock on the door isn’t your wife, it’s a hypothetical hope that perhaps this injection signals some turning point.

The knock would barely register except for your long lasting love and hope for things to magically work out. Especially if answering the knock meant some semblance of peace for your daughter.

Shitty shitty situation. No answers. Just a fellow caregiver’s ear and love.

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Hello, sorry for everything you and your daughter are having to go through. It doesn’t sound like your wife has ever been medical compliant before. Even if this injectable works it may take months before she is stable. I think you and your daughter would benefit from talking to a therapist for the pain you have gone through. It would be nice if your wife is ever stable for you and your daughter to be able to feel like friends with her first a lot of healing is going to be needed before you should even think of her coming back in you lives. Start with phone calls, face time, and getting her set up with a group of doctors before she were to come back, if that happens. Keep your hearts open to at least maybe being able to create some new good memories together. But even stable she may not be able to be the person you both need or want her to be? hugs and prayers to both of you!

It’s likely my wife is returning home this weekend, she has rejected my and her family’s suggestions that she should continue treatment near them. So she’ll be mid way through her first one-month injection (Invega, I heard) when she gets home. With no relationship with a doctor here. So I suppose I will need to try to help her set that up (if she is willing). Meanwhile, I’m still sitting on the separation documents, she hasn’t responded when I’ve brought that up.

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