I just contacted NAMI and they told me about this forum. This is such a God send to know that there’s a community for family members dealing with schizophrenia. I am the care giver for my 54 old sister that was diagnosed almost 15 years ago. She was doing so well for the last 4 -5 years but she’s relapsed and not taking her medicine, won’t leave the home and barely does any daily activities. It’s been a struggle to get her to talk about anything. Her permanent residence is in a different state but I was able to bring her to my home so that I could take care of her and make sure that she was at least eating. She is still not compliant with her medicine but I see I have to be more engaged in ensuring she takes it. It’s so tiring. Now she wants to go home but she won’t have any support so I’ve been postponing it as much as possible. Where I struggle the most is what she comprehends, what she doesn’t and how to get through to her when important decisions need to be made. Her clear/lucid moments only last for a short time and it’s not enough to make progress on important items. I was just reading and ordered the LEAP book. Hopefully, that will help me communicate better. I’m just glad thankful for this type of forum because you get it.
Hello @mrhonda88 and welcome to the forum. I am so glad that NAMI in your area recommended it to you. It is very important to find some help, advice and companionship when you are caring for someone with a severe mental illness. Yes, it is so draining for the caregiver to provide the care necessary to the ill person, both physically and mentally. LEAP will help, but it is a long slow process, sort of like an IV drip… It took me a long time to become able to make decisions for my daughter that she couldn’t make, like when I had the legal opportunity to force her to take meds. It felt wrong for so long to force things on her, but looking back in hindsight, everything I did was with love… and turned out for the best.
We do get it here, come often, read the posts, and know that we understand.
Hi. Another sibling here. My brother is in his 60s. It’s hard being a sibling but there are many of us working on our brother or sister’s behalf, while also trying to take care of ourselves.
You said your sister wants to go home. My brother also wants to live on his own and does. I was out of his life for many years before coming back onto the scene and trying to help. When I first got acquainted with how he “lives on his own” and was “taking his meds” I was flabbergasted. Not up to my standards. Turns out, he doesn’t want to live by my standards. So I just let some things slide, and when those important items come up, as you said, I play the sister card hard, saying “I have no other reason to insist you take my word for this other than I’m your sister and I care about you.” It does work at times. I am still learning to let the rest go.
I hope you share here what works with your sister and how you’re doing.
Life is not easy when caring for a loved one, no matter what it is. My son who has been with us since 2012, and now 38, with mental issues.
Ups and downs, always when he goes off his meds, ends up being hospitalized and put back on his meds. But now refusing, that he does not the meds and life again is unpredictable.
At least he has a studio apt in our house and we can see what’s going on.
Have to take it one day at a time.
Hi Serenity, My 29 year old son is currently off meds since April 2024, things have been awful. He
lives in a 2 blocks from my husband and I in a small townhouse. I can check on him frequently, it is very frustrating that he refuses to go to his doctors appts. I am afraid he will eventually lose his SSI and medical insurance and become homeless. I have tried to get him involuntary hospitalized, but police would not take him numerous times, as he just goes in his unit and locks the door when they are called. Anyways, it is 1 day at a time. He has currently been isolating for a few weeks and I drop food and supples off for him, but he does not want to see me or anyone else. He has no friends and his two brothers and his father never want to see him. His sister lives out of state but communicates with him thru a group text that we are on with him. We have to keep hope and remember it is the illness.
Just joined and your post moved me to tears. My son who is 32 has schizophrenia - diagnosed at 18 - and lately I feel so drained. I used to be so hopeful - not sure about what - perhaps that things would get better for him. But as I’m aging & making plans for his and my future I’m feeling overwhelmed. I certainly will come here often and I’m so grateful to have found this forum. Thanks.
My adult son has SZ and it is so hard to accommodate to THEIR ways of living. It is a difficult balance to watch over what they’re doing and then knowing when to step in or ‘just let it slide’.
It sure is hard to balance that. I totally agree with you.
Hi, glad you found the forum, it is very comforting to know you are not alone. I have less energy and motivation to deal with my 29 year old son with SZ as I age. After all, it has been over a decade and he never gets any better. He is currently not taking his meds since April 2024 and getting more and more difficult to deal with. I am just taking it day by day and trying to remember that I don t have that much control. I am trying to take a small step back from him, it is all too much for me to handle well right now.
I understand your pain @Irene, @Pching and @chimain. It is worrisome to have someone else’s care as a priority in life. It is the constantworry that never goes away that is especially draining.
I found ways to cut the worry mostly revolving around self-care. I suggest that all caregivers put self-care up on the priority list, though that seem hard to do or selfish.
A lawyer can help set up the future. I felt immediately better when I knew what choices had to be made, and I made them.
I wanted early retirement at 62 but I still work, and am turning 68 this year. The extra money is vital and the occupation of my mind in something outside of my family is calming.
My husband’s alcoholism led me to Al-Anon which helps me tremendously. The group meetings are empowering. My daughter’s illness led me to NAMI. I needed their classes and support group meetings. I think if you can find a support group, that can help but coming here to this forum IS a support group anyone can join. Keep coming back. There is knowledge and hope here.
Thank you for your kind reply and your constant wisdom on this forum. Hope everyone has peace in their day.
Agreed Irene - thank you everyone for your wisdom and support. It’s definitely not easy. Just an update on my sister, she went back home and is doing so so. She isn’t eating regularly but I’m trusting a power higher than myself. I know that I have limitations and it’s only so much that I can do. I’m currently trying to find some type of group home for her so that they can make sure she has regular meals and takes her medicine. I will also be traveling more regularly to check on her. I purchased the book “I am not Sick” and it’s really good. I still have a lot more to read but at least I’m learning about insight and my sister’s ability to acknowledge her sickness. I even tried talking to her about going to the hospital for her ‘stomach issues’ as opposed to her mental health issues. She was much more open to that even though she still didn’t go 
But that’s ok. It was progress.
Thanks. All suggestions are welcome.
Yes, that is how I got my daughter to stay on her injection all those years prior to her having insight into her “crazy” days. She wouldn’t have stayed on the meds if I hadn’t “bent the truth” to what she could agree with. Good for you for suggesting treatment to your loved one for her stomach issues.
There is a saying “God gives His hardest battles to His toughest soldiers.” I want to run from this battlefield but I know that God is giving me the strength to endure. Hang in there.