Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Son assaulted me while in delusion, feel alone


#1

My son got off his medication after a very good year. He was in college and working. Then the clinic he was getting he is meds from started lessening the dosage. If this ever starts with your child do NOT let them do it. If they are doing well leave the meds alone. He started back into his delusions and stopped all meds.
I was told to wait to call in the police for admission till he was being more of a danger…I had no idea he would ever hurt me. I waited and found out to trust my instincts not a counselor. He thought I was a demon. He punched me twice and I lost consciousness. He is 6 5 and strong.
When the police came all I could do was lay on the floor and scream ’ please don’t hurt him he is sick, I still have nightmares of the assault. The look in his eyes and the unreality of it all. They put him in jail for 2 1/2 months then to the state hospital. After 2 1/2 weeks they are saying he is all good to go and sending him back.
I am strong and love my children. I would give my life for them. But I am traumatized about this and feel so useless. If anyone else has experienced violence please let me know. I feel alone


#2

I am so sorry this happened in your family.

Do you have your own highly qualified, trustworthy counselor to help you heal from this traumatic event?


#3

I’m so sorry you had this experience. I’m recovering from being thrown down a long flight of wooden stairs. My injuries were not life-threatening so i was lucky. My son let some very bad people squat on his property and they got him hooked on meth. When he uses it turns him into a very violent person. He’s in the hospital now but they won’t keep him much longer. He’s threatened to kill me, my husband and his brothers. It’s terribly sad. And scary. We got an order of protection but he doesn’t respect those. I love my son and we’ve worked very hard getting him the help he’s needed since he got sick at 14. But now we’ve done everything there is to do. We can’t allow him to kill us. So we are moving. While he continues to use meth we can’t be safe.
I understand how hard it is to have a son who gets violent. Who can you talk to? Who would understand how you feel? You are not alone. There are many of us. Your local NAMI chapter can help you find other parents who have sons and daughters who have been violent. In the meantime, don’t allow yourself to rerun the incident in your mind. Purposefully think of the nicest thing you can. At night if you have trouble changing your thoughts get up. Watch TV, read, get a snack . Do something to distract yourself from persevering on those bad memories. It will help lessen the impact of PTSD on you. Find a counselor. You may not need many visits but they can be enormously helpful. Stay safe. Love your son but hate the illness that transforms him into a dangerous person. I will always love my son. If there was anything I could do to help him I’d do it in a heartbeat. My hope is his addiction can be treated and his twisted thinking becomes clearer. In the meantime, I’ll stay safe, stay in touch with his social workers and pray for recovery. There is always hope. Hang in there. You aren’t alone. I’ll be thinking of you.


#4

Damn that is some real love right there, he is very lucky to have a parent like you. I would definitely urge the two of you to go to therapy together. Chances are he will have his own feelings of shame and remorse, and might not know how to express or process them. The two of you may benefit from healing together, and definitely having a new safety plan that doesn’t include dumb advice from an ignorant counselor.


#5

I am so sorry he was violent to you! Does he take any street drugs or was this just pure delusion?

If he’s doing drugs, please be safe. If he’s not doing drugs, can he stay in a boarding house? Somewhere away from you?

It is very sad that parents cannot get help until their child is in such a state of distress that it’s far too advanced…a big crack in the system if you ask me.

Can you request that injections of medicine be mandatory through the court? I don’t know if that’s possible, but maybe the court can say as a condition of his probation, that he must take the injections…maybe that will he’ll have to take his meds.

Thank you for caring for your son and I wish you the best.


#6

thank you all so much for your replies and support. I went to see a counselor today she was very religion based. I liked her, but one of the things she told me was if he got violent to turn around face the wall and ask for God’s protection. I know exactly what would happen if I did that I would get punched in the back of the skull. I did talk to my son on the phone he is doing better .He’s on his medication and very sorry for what he did. I still worry that things will happen again but if he ever gets off his medication I will have to kick him out of the house because I cannot have him attack me or other family members. he’s never done drugs or alcohol this is all just the illness. I am glad that other people understand. I have had people say stupid things like well at least he does not have cancer. Cancer is horrible but at least the patient is still the person you love not some stranger looking out at you.


#7

My advice is to keep psych treatment and religion separate. They both have their place, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people using their spirituality to cope and heal outside of treatment. But there is nothing in the Bible that says God will swoop down and stop something from happening just because someone prays and asks. Not how it works. I’ve also encountered some religious professionals who could not keep their profession and religion separate, and it had bad consequences. I think it’s important to find someone who will absolutely respect your beliefs, but also not try to ignore proper treatment, safety plans and procedures.

Is there a way you can get legal guardianship and have medication enforced? I’m about as anti-forced-treatment as they come, but even I understand that when a person is blatantly a danger to self or others (as your son is when off meds), it’s time.


#8

Hi, I thought I’d check in and see how you’re doing. Have you found someone to talk to? Another parent? It’s been 2 months since we were assaulted. I feel I’m doing better. My bones have healed so the pain isn’t a reminder. I’ve been thinking about you and hoping you’re doing well. Because of our need to be safe and the suddenness of the move, people wonder about why we’re moving in such a rush. Of course it isn’t something I have to share but I thought I’d share if there was a different explanation. So I have been sharing and people have been so nice and amazingly understanding. It’s been surprising and very helpful to feel free of this big ugly secret. Not wearing the cloak of stigma is quite freeing. Hang in there.


#9

Hello I am doing much better. I went to see my son at the State Hospital and he is doing so well on his medication. They are sending him back to the jail to go through trial.He is so remorseful and has a lot of guilt about the assault. I am worried about helping him through that. But he did say he would never go off the medication again that this was a life lesson and I am hoping that is what will come of this. I believe it will.and I told the holy roller therapist that I did not need to come back. I will be trying to find a good psychiatrist and counselor that my son and I both can go to as well as other family members. I hope you are doing well and it is great that people are accepting of your situation. I am still not at that point that I can be open about it.I am so thankful for this forum and to be able to hear from kind people like you who are in the same situation as I am. Bless you for all your concern.


#10

@sobrien, I have been following your story. Best wishes to you, your son, and the rest of your family. Strength to you all.


#11

REMINDER:

This forum is intended for Family, Friends, Parents, and Caregivers of SZs to provide each other with peer support. It is NOT intended for those diagnosed with SZ (or similar afflictions) to post in. The latter is tolerated to a limited extent so long as it is helpful and supportive. We – the diagnosed – have our own area on this site to support each other.

Please please PLEASE support those who support us by letting them have an area where they can discuss issues pertaining to caring for those with SZ/A without having to be peremptorily interrogated or hectored about how they are handling very difficult situations to the best of their abilities.

Thx.

Pixel.
Volunteer moderator.


#12

I’m sorry about this, I should have paid more attention.


#13

I don’t feel interrogated or pressure. Everyone was great.


#14

sorry this happened to you

i can only share that you are not alone - my mum has been pushed off a chair and has also been stabbed by my sz sister when unwell
i’m also schizophrenic and it was a couple of times in a row i punched a nurse in the face.

I thought she was saying to me ‘go on, punch me’ that kind of thing with her eyes

it must be more scary with a 6 foot 5 guy - it so much could be a one off
everything changes day to day with delusions… it’s so unpredictable and nothing like that will probably ever happen again. I hope not for you


#15

No I did not press charges. We had to call 9-1-1 to get the police out after he beat me up and push my husband through a wall. the state presses charges. I would hope that in cases like ours the person with schizophrenia would go to a hospital. But unfortunately it is not like that. Once they have hurt someone and the police have to get involved it gets out of the hands of the parents or caregivers. so if my example helps anyone spy on their medication or understand more what can happen please use it. him being in jail was horrible but has taught him what can happen when he does get off his medication.I have learned a new definition for tough love going through this. having the call the police for commitments and then this violence has changed me forever. I would die for my son but I cannot let him be the one to kill me. how could you ever live with that?


#16

It’s really great that you understand this. I think so many loved ones out there do not understand this at all. Like trying to imagine what it would be like to be tricked into thinking you were doing the right thing, only to later find out you had been tricked and had done a terrible thing, and nobody understands that you were tricked. It is a complete nightmare. Luckily all of my times being tricked by my own mind just resulted in bad situations for me and nobody else, but still. You must be a genuine empath to be able to understand this side of things despite being the one who was physically injured. It’s pretty impressive.


#17

Just love my son and I understand it is an illness. The brain is the most complicated organ in the body. it would be like being mad at someone for getting cancer or MS. I think that schizophrenia is probably more debilitating than these because it continues and is so devastating to the family and the sufferer. So do not carry guilt. But always remember taking meds is a choice and stopping is a bad choice. That bears some responsibility.


#18

I understand this. I made my son leave home because of his increasing violence toward me. I wasn’t angry so much as sad and confused. I knew there was “something wrong” but I didn’t know what. I just knew he would not survive jail, and I knew he would be tortured by his conscience if he ever did actually kill me. His psychosis and diagnosis came about 18 months later. Our relationship is very much mended now, I am happy to say. And he is much better too. He has ups and downs but he can live independently and look after himself well. He manages his money quite well. We help him out with big things but his disability payment covers his living costs and he is studying now. He is still not fully reconciled to his diagnosis or the idea of long-term med use, but life is getting better step by step.


#19

That’s encouraging that he is independent. I want my son to get disability but work also. I noticed that when he is not doing something constructive he gets worse. and I do not want him just to be on disability and sit around the house and watch TV or not do something with his life. I wonder if that’s unreasonable. I don’t want to pressure him.


#20

I would sue this so called doctor. Find a lawyer who works in medical malpractice.

My old pdoc mentioned tapering me off, so I dropped him. I’m now with a pdoc that wants to help. It would be better to shoot a person in the head than to take a person with Sz off their meds.

This makes me angry. I want to start a movement to get these pdocs stripped of their licenses. “Do no harm,” remember? This is heinous!