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Son's schizophrenia turned out to be least of our worries


#1

My son died from a heart defect


#2

What a beautiful person, your son.

Thank you for sharing your family’s story with us.


#3

Whether you’re religious or not, try to take some comfort in knowing he’s no longer suffering.

And, even if the mental illness wasn’t there, you have no way of knowing if you’d ever have thought to have his heart checked. You can’t blame yourself for that.

I hope you find a way to come to terms with everything that’s happened to your family and find your own peace.


#4

What a beautiful son, so sorry your children have passed. No words can make that okay…but you sound like a really loving mother and you can’t be blamed for genetics, especially genetics you had no clue about…Thank you very sincerely for sharing your story.


#5

I’m very sorry to hear about all the unfortunate events that have occurred to your family. I hope that all of you can find peace, wherever you may be.


#6

I’m sorry for all of your loss. Take time to grieve both of your sons. I have one son and I can relate to putting all you have into one child. Thank you for sharing your story with us here.

I feel your sadness and understand the pain you have in passing his room. I notice my husband keeps the door closed some days, then it is open again. We are in the process of trying to decide the best course of care for our son. He is currently in the hospital.

I hope one day you will find joy again. We all have voices and need to speak up when we can in support of improved care for our loved ones. Right now be kind to yourself and know you were a good parent and that is praiseworthy.


#7

I hear your heart, and thank you for sharing the love you have with your son through what you experienced with him.

There are so many unknowns with our loved ones, and so often…we are often speculating what is the best action and direction…sometimes like throwing a dart at a dartboard blindfolded, or at least that is what I have felt at times with my own son. Our focus is so thrown off in loving our schizophrenic loved ones, as we are at the mercy of their perceived reality at times…and our attention can be so easily misplaced.

Be gentle to yourself and celebrate that love I hear in your words. What wonderful love you had for both of your boys. Ray was so fortunate to have you with him every step of the way as his mother, and as a loved one journeying with him in this horrible illness.

Wishing you peace.


#8

Thank you for sharing your story, thinking of you , what a lovely lady you really are.


#9

I wish I could hug you


#10

Eyes full of tears. No words could possibly say what I feel.

No matter who we are, how rich we are, how poor, how famous, how wise, life throws us all challenges. It’s not our fault, it’s not something we’ve done, it’s just the way it is for human beings. We learn and we grow from tackling our challenges, but we never ever forget.

You are an incredibly strong lady, I applaud you warmly. Don’t falter, take strength from all of us reading your story as you are truly a wonderful person.


#11

I am in tears here at work touched by your story. I feel awful because now I am at the point where I feel annoyed with my family member for some of the same reasons. Its an eye opener and I need to appreciate life in general. I am so sorry for both losses. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


#12

Oh Iris! He was so beautiful, I am so sorry. There is no comfort for a grieving mother.


#13

I’m so very sorry for your losses - you are a wonderful mother and advocate for your sons. I hope you can reach out to your family and friends. Your grief is almost unimaginable. Peace to you and your ex.


#14

So sad to hear your story.

Blessings and learn to live your life again

as soon as you can.

Vermont Woman


#15

Iris,
You are a wonderful mom to both your boys! I am glad you pissed people off for being your son’s advocate. What a wonderful testament of your love for him! Hold on the wonderful memories you have. Let the painful ones go.

I have also buried an infant with a cardiac issue. I didn’t know, I didn’t cause it and I could not fix it. So helpless. Same with my schizophrenic son. Hold fast to memories - look at all the pictures and keep his clothes and room as they are as long as you need to. Grieve in your own time. A wonderful counselor told me “I cried as I loved her (infant daughter)” - it has been 26 years and the tears still come at times. A mother’s love is strong, long lasting and part of who we are. Know you are loved by the people around you and your children. I hold on to the fact that I will see her again in heaven, so will you. Thanks for sharing your story. On Valentine’s Day it is the greatest testament to your love for your children. Hugs.


#16

My very long post about my son I deleted about a week later After I posted it… as it surfaced on the internet because of “tag words” such as “schizophrenia”, “aortic dissection”, “Bicuspid Valve”. I wanted my son’s and our family’s story to only be shared here…somewhere safe…but found out if you just googled Bicuspid valve you could come right to our forum and read about our struggles, and heartbreak. I thought it was a closed forum. I was obviously wrong. I didnt want to share my son’s struggles with a world audience that doesn’t care, discriminates against Schizophreia and wrongfully believes that all mass killings, and violence is caused by Schizophreia…when the opposite is true. Many studies have shown our loved ones with Schizophreia are actually victims. People use them, steal their money under guises, lie to them and physically assault and sometimes kill them.

So I deleted a short novel about my son with schizophrenia. We had won the struggle with schizophrenia and had 90% back our child to when he was “normal”…btw no one is normal. Then to lose him not to a schizophrenic event… But a horrorifying Aortic Dissection that killed him instantly.
So I apologize to those that don’t understand the current post that states my son died of a heart defect…without knowing what the original post actually said and the beautiful photo of my incredibly handsome son, who had an IQ that far surpassed mine, I have multiple college degrees, but he had a vocabulary so vast, I had to get the dictionary out to see if what he said was really a word…and it always was.
I’m still distraught, angry, and eternally heartbroken. We slowly, barely, and quite painfully won most of the battles…just to lose the War when the world decided to drop an unknown nuclear Bomb on my innocent sweet son…just when we had finally beat this damn schizophrenia.


#17

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. Many mothers here share your pain but no one can know what it’s like to lose a child unless they have gone through it. My mother had eleven children and lost one at 15 and it knocked this strong woman off her feet for a while.
Your post puts everything in perspective. I do thank God my son is alive.
I too thought this forum was private.


#18

Oh my…I am so very sorry to hear to hear this terrible news. I remember your sons story as I have one son with sz and another son with congenital heart defect. Both are horrifying!! I am so very sorry you lost your lovely son :broken_heart:


#19

I remember your beautiful tribute to your beloved son. I understand why you took it down and I hope you continue to share it with family members and friends.

There is so much in what you wrote then and what you wrote yesterday. You have given all of us here the gift of sharing your son and yourself with us and I think of you both often, even though we never met.

Our PM (private messages) are private and you could write one to any amount of forum members in this private way if you ever wish to share with people who know what a triumph it is that your son was 90% recovered from schizophrenia.

Your love for your son is palpable; I hope you find comfort each day in some way as you carry him forward.


#20

That’s terrible your story came up in a Google search! This happened to me, too! But it wasn’t something I posted in this site. Wow! I’m also very heartbroken for you and your family. So much sorrow in this illness :(:sob: