Stressed and anxious


#1

Hi feeling a lot of stress and anxiety today, I have my partner going through a possible relapse and his left the house for almost 2 weeks staying with friends an hour away and hanging around the wrong kind if people. He says he loves me all the time so thats not an issue but that he doesn’t want to be in my life while his like he is which I don’t mind personally I love and accept the bad with the good , he seems to be withdrawn more everyday and his not talking with me about anything like he use to so I’m very stressed and worried for his safety this question is for any carers that have been in a similar situation how do you control these feelings ? I try to distract myself by doing house work or talking with the kids or msg friends I haven’t spoke to for a while to catch up but there’s always this tight knot in my stomach and all I keep thinking is is he ok is he safe is he hurt is he being taken advantage of by his d*ckhead friends as his not in a good frame of mind of late stats making me feel rather sick so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated :smile:


#2

You are not alone. I have tried to start some threads/posts on caregiver self care in this the family category. We do get depressed, stressed, anxious and overwhelmed.

Trying to stop a relapse can sometimes be impossible. Since he is hanging with the wrong kind of people, are there drugs involved? He may be using them to help cope with some of his symptoms. In the end it will probably make them worst but for right now it may be giving him some relief. A viscous cycle I’m afraid. I couldn’t stop my son’s last break from happening in September. Marijuana, alcohol, off medications… Resulted in him being inpatient for 3 weeks. Hopefully this relapse will not happen and he will come home.


#3

Unfortunately I’m not sure what he is or isn’t doing as of late can’t get him to talk to me long enough just a vague call asking if I’m ok and on occasion he says you I love you’s hey then he shuts off and has to go wont msg with me or nothing

It’s really hard to ignore the bad feeling from this like I keep trying to be positive and understand his just having a hard time but it doesn’t help you emotionally was suppose to go to a support group this morning but I chickened out to tired had a long night received a phone call asking for money as the people his with are dealing drugs and are in danger or something and they needed fuel so it would be safe to assume his doing them too I’d think but then in the past he seemed more calmer then he is just now so I don’t know if he is dont know much about a lot lately had a long talk with a friend that’s like his sister that’s taking care of his son while his spiralling out of control which made my feelings worse as she’s concerned and crying to me that she doesn’t know what to do but she can see it too so I know I’m not imagining it
His oldest son is nearly 8 his real mother is non existing I’m the only mother he knows the sister is rather concerned about how all this is effecting him she says his withdrawing since his dads not around and I feel helpless I can do anything to help fix it its something my partner has to do for himself but it angers me he can’t see what his doing even to his own son the son that’s been the most important person in his life and yet his turned away not sure if I make a lot of sense right now everything I post or msg is just snippits of a bigger picture but hope in some way shape or form you can understand thanks for reading


#4

I feel so much for you I hear a lot of me in what you wrote, L. My partner of years yesterday night abruptly told me he was breaking up with me because he didn’t want to put me through him treating me bad. I tried to tell him I would support him and be there for him no matter what and that I would help him go to a doctor he got angry and then it turned in to I’m leaving you because you are the source of all problems I have and I don’t care about you anymore. It is so heartbreaking how mysterious and insidious mental illness can be. I try to hard to love him in a christ-like way of patience and understanding but in the end I end up feeling short changed emotionally it’s like a total one sided relationship until he comes back around to being more like his self again. I’m tired of the cycle he refuses to get help or medication, so now I don’t know what to do. He has outright told me he doesn’t want to be with me but then today when he left my house (he sees the kids when I"m not around) he was nice to me. I’m confused. I’m sad. I’m sad too that when he gets in that state of mind I see that he is not able to care for anyone even his only son that I know he loves so much. God bless you, I feel more peace knowing I’m not alone in the world going through this struggle.


#5

PS if there is a support group for you then GO! You’re brave enough to deal with this battle than you can do it! I wish I could find a support group for this specific issue in my area I’d be there in a heartbeat!


#6

Thankyou for your kind words it is definantly of some comfort to know its not just me and these feelings are natural, there are a few things you’ve said that I can say mirrors my situation like the blame game which really annoys me at the best of times but I’m trying to just let it be and recognise the possibility that when his feeling out of control his looking for something to blame to justify how his feeling and because I am there I’m an easy target for him to use, I’ve been lucky in the sense his only told me he hates me once other then that he always says he loves me. I also have the problem with talking about medication he gets defensive I have been successful once in getting him to go to the doctors and get seroquel when he wasn’t sleeping that lasted around 2 weeks max, I was pregnant at the time and was almost ready to go into labour and foolishly let him convince me it was better that he stops so if it happened at night he would be fine to drive biggest mistake I’ve made as now he won’t go back on it or try something else I wish I’d stood my ground and said no not that he needs my permission but he was seeking my approval that it was ok and I foolishly did. maybe we could work together to understand what’s going on and how to best cope with it and tackle problem areas with communication strategies that will work having such similar story’s I know from reading your story because I’m emotionally removed from the picture I could see things that I couldn’t see in my own circumstances because emotions get in the way would love to hear what you think and anything that you may see about my situation that I may be missing so I can get a better understanding of where I’m going wrong many thanks and hopeing things get smoother for you real soon :smile: