Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Surprising outcome


#1

I have a tendency to somehow forget a lot of information and therefore the emotional charges felt at the time, but the parts I remember went well. Which was surprising.

After living with his friends all weekend smoking pot, me, his brother and his father picked Dan up from the house. He thought he was going home with me, but we sort of kept it light and didn’t answer that part. We got to his dad’s house and told him we were concerned for him.

Dan thought it was about weed and lying to me. He said he already decided to never smoke again (even though he had smoked allllllll day despite knowing I was picking him up…which I found pathetic) and doesn’t think he’ll ever, ever, ever lie again. Although I believed he THOUGHT he wasn’t going to smoke again, we told him that he has NEVER been able to stop in the past and we described his addictive lifestyle.

But we told him that wasn’t the main reason. The main thing we are concerned about is his mental health. We gave him examples, including earlier in the car when he said the vibe in the air is that we want to kill him… which we obviously didn’t. After going through a lot of the examples and why he needs treatment, Dan seemed to think it was a joke. He said he agreed and asked if he could go home now and he’d walk to the nearest hospital tomorrow from my apartment.

“No!” his dad said. “You are staying with me to get treatment. From there you and Olivia can discuss your relationship after you have started getting help and we see you are trying to get help and agree to what I say.” His dad said it was that, or Dan would have to go back to his friend’s house (if they’d take him back) or a homeless shelter and that none of us would speak to him again.

That’s when Dan stood up and started kicking things and screaming as loud as humanly possible. He said he wanted to live with me and that’s all he wanted and he started having a panic attack. After a lot of drama and Dan begging me to change my mind and pleading to go back and that he has changed and saying he has no mental health issues and we were just “scared” of his intelligence and knowledge and powers, we got in the car to bring him back.

His dad was crying and his brother. Dan didn’t understand the permanent decision he had made and thought he could still go home with me. We started driving to the homeless shelter. Dan, seeing we were serious, began to panic and begged me to pick him up from the shelter tomorrow. I said no. The homeless shelter said he’d have to come back tomorrow. So then we drove him to his friend’s house. Like I suspected, they were sick of him and threatened him if he tried to stay.

His dad was forced to take him home. Dan kept begging me to take him home and I said he didn’t choose me, he chose to be homeless and never speak to us again.

My mother has connections to social workers and social programs for drug use and mental health, so I compiled a list of options (including the shelter in case Dan resisted) to his father. For the past two days his father has been researching and will hopefully be taking him to a few places tomorrow or Monday. It looks like Dan will probably either be staying at a place or getting intensive outpatient services from his dad’s house.

The only annoying part is he won’t stop talking to me. I love him and care about him, but feel we shouldn’t be speaking until he gets treatment and goes through with the choices the therapists give him. I have told him this. I said that whatever the therapists decides, he has to agree to medication, institutions etc. or he will be kicked out of his father’s house and can’t speak to me again. He still thinks he can just come home. It’s frustrating. Then he said the doctors will not even find anything wrong with him. I hope he is not able to trick them somehow, even though I know deep down he can’t. I will probably ask to provide background information if possible as well.

So for now, it’s going better than planned. But still frustrating.


#2

I can only guess how hard it was for his father to make that decision and stick to it.

I’m so glad to hear to the step in the right direction… some help… and getting some help kicking the weed addiction.

I’m so glad for you.

Congratulations… I’m glad things are finally turning around.


#3

Wishing the best for you and your boyfriend!


#4

That was incredibly brave and strong. What you did is what it takes sometimes to advocate for someone’s best interests when they refuse to do it for themselves. He is not going to make it easy for you. You will have to continue to stay strong over the long hall. It is his best chance at getting better and being the kind of bf you need and deserve. It would be great if you could keep us updated on how he’s doing. I hope he makes better choices for himself soon.


#5

i hope things start to improve for you…dan definatly needs help…sendinig you strength to endure all of this…good luck…


#6

A step in the right direction for everyone.
Stay strong. Wishing the best for you, his dad, and even him too!


#7

This is bringing back some memories that I don`t want to think about.
I think you guys are doing the right thing.
My sister and I have this thing that even if C. is not making the right choices-we should still support him financially and still talk to him, but just not DO anything for him. We try to encourage him to help himself. I have to confess that he is as hard-headed as they come. We end up having to leave him alone.
This is a very hard thing…I wish all of you the best…


#8

The appropriate emotion for Dan is compassion, not romantic love. I don’t see this guy as doing anything but bringing you down. It is just weed that he is smoking, but he can’t seem to control it. Personally, I think weed is less dangerous than alcohol (I’m a drinker, though. God help me.) but I have seen weed do a lot of harm. This guy sounds just too unstable to me, and I don’t think a relationship with him when he is like this is tenable.