Went for one of our long drives tonight. Just my son & I. I talked his ear off, about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Most importantly he talked back & even initiated conversations.
Jist of it is this: when they’re in the “normal” cycle or period, cram as much information into them, talk about politics, sports, books, movies, other family members, even alittle about the past, what he / she went thru. It really is therapeutic for them to TALK.
I’ve established a repoir with my son and he seems to finally appreciate my dry sense of humor. Do not baby them and do not be afraid to walk on egg shells with them. He was driving, he went over a huge curb, and I said “there goes my tire, hope you got the cash”. He cracked a small smile.
We ended the night by me asking him, “if you slip back again, what do you want me to do”? He said, “call the police mom, especially if you don’t hear from me that same day, because you know I respond to you right way”. He also said, “I may be mad at you but it’s because I’m sick. Have the police take me to ER”
Talk to your loved one as much as possible, especially when they’re stable and can absorb. Don’t let their brain just sit and think.
Oh, this brings tears…melts my heart!! You have learned how to relate to your son and he trusts you!! You have engaged him in the outcome for his own best health! Makes me smile and I know you are smiling, too!
So right in so many ways , thank you i try to do the same with my son but its rare as he can barely hold a conversation more than a minute but when it happens and he is able to speak longer i go for it . I rarely speak about the time he got baker acted as it was traumatic for him and i don’t want to stress him . Do you think i should bring it up again if he’s in a mood to talk?
@Linda, that depends on your son, if you don’t think he can handle talking about it, I wouldn’t.
With my son, I admit I do push him alittle. Alittle more aggressive, trying to make him face some of the bad things that happened to him, little by little. It seems to work for us when we don’t push everything under the rug & try to run from it.
I often talk about what he did while in psychosis, he looks at me with disbelief. One thing I can never get him to talk about are the voices he used to hear and what they were saying to him. All he ever said about that was that it was “bad”. He made it very clear that subject was “off limits”.
I do believe A daily half hour activity helps to keep him on track. Something small and short to ground him for the day. I buy him middle school math books, crossword puzzles, word search. So far he hasn’t refused them, and tells me when he’s done with a book.
Most of the day i was feeling a little sad thinking how isolated my son has been then an hour a go I had a good surprise visit from him , we held a good conversation about my dog and he then drove to the pet store and bought my dog toys and treats and played with him , i made him dinner , hugged me , stayed for at least 45min and left saying i love you mum
P.S. My son lives with his dad and asks him to go driving everyday–or every night, as the case may be (as he has an inverted sleep/wake schedule). Though my ex needs his own sleep, he acquiesces, as this seems to be so helpful and soothing to our son. So…I am wondering if this is common–the wish, even need, to drive around–to perhaps calm the emotions or some such. When an individual has SZ, he is so isolated and alone, without friends, without work, without outside activities, so perhaps this is one way of feeling out and about in the world. Just wondering…
@Deborah, yes, I do think driving makes my son feel like he’s doing something, something useful, and makes him feel like he’s normal. It’s also an escape for him, to get out of his apt, and just drive and drive.
I put a lot of gas in my car each week. He’s never said no to driving, but he says no to many other things.
Linda, yes, there is a desperation to feel normal. And they once were! My heart is broken constantly, but I still of course love my son fervently. If driving helps, then so be it. His dad, though my ex, is a hero in my eyes for being so accommodating.
Yes, mbheart, it is decidedly an escape into some semblance of normality. And, yes, all this driving sure does use up a lot of gas and costs a lot of $$…but anything to help, because like your son, mine says no to most other things but not to driving. Thanks for the input…
You are lucky to have an ex like that ! It is so hard coping alone . My heart is broken too but i thank Gd and appreciate good days .Good days meaning seeing glimpses of my son the way he used to be . I am trying to digest my " new son " and except this horrific disease . I hear so many of this millennium generation getting all kinds of mental illnesses , its scary and almost becoming the new norm . What ever makes your son happy in that moment you and your ex should grant his wish , if its a drive or a walk or what ever he feels good with
I agree, Linda. I wish he (our son) would take more responsibility for himself–cleaning up the kitchen, laundry, etc.–but though he was compliant with such requests when younger, before getting sick, it seems that it is now too much for him. When you say “horrific,” I couldn’t agree more. I know of no other illness as tragic as this. It is ruinous to beautiful lives. As for my ex, yes, I am lucky that my son is able to live with him (I am just around the corner) and that he is so accommodating, but divorced life was not always so easy! And I still have no life of my own, as our son is my first and foremost concern. But so be it. Anyway, thank you, and have a good sleep.
I agree, Linda. I wish he (our son) would take more responsibility for himself–cleaning up the kitchen, laundry, etc.–but though he was compliant with such requests when younger, before getting sick, it seems that it is now too much for him. When you say “horrific,” I couldn’t agree more. I know of no other illness as tragic as this. It is ruinous to beautiful lives. As for my ex, yes, I am lucky that my son is able to live with him (I am just around the corner) and that he is so accommodating, but divorced life was not always so easy! And I still have no life of my own, as our son is my first and foremost concern. But so be it. Anyway, thank you, and have a good sleep.
i try to do the same with my son but its rare as he can barely hold a conversation more than a minute but when it happens and he is able to speak longer i go for it . I rarely speak about the time he got baker acted as it was traumatic for him and i don’t want to stress him . Do you think i should bring it up again if he’s in a mood to talk?
