Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

The Caregiver Space - Where'd my friends go?


#1

In high school, I hated when one of my friends would start dating someone and vanish, only to reappear when they needed a shoulder to cry on. They might have been awesome friends when they were single, but I stopped bothering with them pretty quickly. Why would I invest in a relationship with someone who didn’t seem to really care about me?

Sometimes it seems like my friends vanish when I need them the most. Or maybe I just don’t have time for them anymore. Or I’m always cancelling because, honestly, I’m exhausted and I’d rather just do laundry and go to bed. But as a caregiver, it’s all too easy to stop being a friend and become a list of needs. The truth is: you need someone to vent to. You need someone to help you run errands. You need someone to be around when you need them and completely understand when you vanish for a while.

Does it feel like your friends vanished when you became a caregiver? Here’s how to stay in touch.


#2

Thank you for posting this.

I was struck by the sentence… “Your friends love you… not just your roll as a care giver.”

I will pass this on.


#3

Sort of like on moving day, except when you’re a caregiver your entire life seems like moving day. I can understand how this would deflate a person. :frowning:

10-96


#4

Well yes, I’m as isolated as my loved one. All of my Friends gets the iced over glaze in the eyes. You know they don’t want to talk about it. Its terrible that you can’t share with your friends. And yes, I’d rather rest when things aren’t chaotic. Is it just me, or are these folks really friends? I’m a strong person and I would love to share with someone. But its not there. I would do counseling, but work hours don’t permit. I will admit i’m pretty traumatized.


#5

I have been debating counselling for awhile now. I need someone to completely share/vent with and help me to put some things into perspective. Sorry that work hours are not permitting you to do this.

I did/do have a best friend. She has her quirks, like I do. We only talk once every 6 months or so. A couple of years ago she didn’t get me a B-day present because I didn’t get her one. Which I was fine with since I don’t want anyone getting me anything out of obligation or to keep score. She commented once that she didn’t read my blog as she didn’t want to learn about my life through a blog… Recently her cat died. She was very attached to her cat. She started a blog about her cat. Which I think is great for her. When she called me to tell me about it, I listened. I got about 3 sentences into talking about my son and well she was to upset to listen. I get how attached she was.

Sometimes friendships are a lot of grey area. You could almost see my friend do the eye roll when I talked too much about my relationship issues.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe they aren’t true friends. I stopped putting much, if any, effort into our friendship as I don’t believe it should be competition or a score kept on who is doing what. Be there because you want to be, no strings attached, when you are able and understand that sometimes my life doesn’t allow me to make a friend a priority. When she told me she didn’t read my blog… that kind of killed it for me.

Anyways sorry didn’t mean to vent about my ‘best friend’ or only friend.


#6

I’m glad you shared. I need to share and vent. Friends and family don’t understand and being a female I just need to talk sometimes. I do have a friend, her son is bipolar dual diagnosis. We are there for each other. We do respect and allow for the others crisis time. We also try to make time when needed, to just vent when it gets rough.