I couldn’t read all of your post or all the replies it was just to long. But from what I did read it sounds like he has Borderline Personality Disorder. That push-pull, love you-hate you are classic borderline traits. In addition to the sz I’m not sure how you can deal with this on a daily basis. I really feel for you, this must be hard to go through.
You are not dealing with your boyfriend right now, you are dealing with symptoms. It sounds like he is being completely controlled by them. As I stated before, without treatment it will not get better and will probably get worst.
I think you need to walk away. Not because I think he is a bad person but because without treatment he can not give you what you want and the current situation is only harming both of you.
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stop torturing yourself , you deserve better. let him go, there are other fish in the sea, perhaps you should talk to a professional, why would you tolerate this abuse from your partner?
@chrisjjack he doesn’t really say. he thinks he doesn’t need help and thinks he is controlling his thoughts. i don’t know how he has that idea. i told him if he controlled his thoughts he wouldn’t be having them at all and we’d be happy. he also randomly will deny he’s schizophrenic and say he’s just “open minded” or something. he thinks it’s an insult, even though i’ve told him 23048 times that it’s not. he wants to deal with it alone i guess. i think he’ll have to learn the hard way once i’m not there for him.
@bubbles thank you. <3 it’s great to have support in any form.
@SurprisedJ Thank you for everything you said. I appreciate the input. I don’t want to give up on him or leave him or lose him. but i think i have to. i am not feeling any type of love or care back from him… it’s sad having him around because he only cares about himself and everything else except me. i’m not even part of his future plans and he’ll say, “i’m with you right now.” and i’m like “right now…” a few months ago he would have said we’d be together forever and not even need a prompt to say it. he also keeps blaming ME for him feeling this way. he says that since i was mean during the beginning of our relationship (i wasn’t mean, but not as open as i am now) he is now hardened and can’t love me the way he used to. i think he made this up and believed it. the insight into the loss of emotions and the ability to care… it means a lot. i hope he really doesn’t feel all this about me. maybe in a few years we can be friends. i don’t know. i have a feeling he’ll regret it when it’s too late.
i need to make myself happy instead of trying to make someone happy who only shits on me.
@mjseu i’m sorry for your loss and the complications in your past relationship. i can’t speak for her because i’ve never met her. but i have experienced similar things with my boyfriend, who just today said that i don’t actually have my period but that i’m having sex so much with other guys that i’m bleeding… it’s hard to be accused of things all the time. i can see why it hurt her. maybe there was more involved than you think. my boyfriend also said a few nights ago that if he finds out who i’m having sex with (nobody) that he’d kill them. i know he’s just getting worse…
@Skims i toyed with the idea that he might have that or bipoloar disorder on top of the schizophrenia, since he will suddenly become angry and controlled by a random bout of sadness and fake thoughts. it’s confusing. i don’t know. i just hope he finds help somehow.
@BarbieBF i wish there was a way i could help. but he doesn’t want any. he thinks he’s unstoppable and has all of this good fortune ahead of him. for his sake, i hope it’s true. because without my help i truly think he will live couch to couch, until all his friends decide he’s too “Crazy” to have around. i don’t know what he will do or how he thinks he will be fine. but i have tried to help in every way i could. it wasn’t enough and he won’t listen to me anymore anyway. he is definitely being controlled by his symptoms and it hurts a lot to have someone be this way to me when all i have been doing was helping.
@NiceHat i tolerated it because i know it’s not completely him and i want to help. but i see now that it’s out of my hands and only hurting both of us. maybe i’ll see him down the road… but right now i don’t think we can be together.
I know it’s a cliche’ but if you love something let it go and if it comes back to you it’s true love…
I really have no clue if it works like that. I had a rebounder years ago and she would come back, then leave, then come back, over and over for like 18 months. But when we got together she was freshly broken up from a very long term relationship so the rebound factor was there in real life.
All you can do is try, and hope and pray.
I’m sorry to say that you’re right. Until he gets proper help, it’s not going to work.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. The best thing for him and most certainly you, might be for you to separate yourself from him.
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I wish I had a way to help him. I knew all along I wasn’t enough but it still hurts that he’s turned on me and made me this terrible person in his mind that he can’t love anymore. It’s not healthy for me, even though I wanted to be able to keep him safe and help him at all costs. It’s proven useless and just hurt me.
It’s not that you’re not “enough”, it’s that he has a disease that some people can never beat even with medication and intensive therapy. I know your heart is broken over what he is saying and experiencing, but in all reality he can’t help it. It’s not your fault at all.
I believe that you could find some peace of mind from a support group for loved ones of people with mental illness.
If this is what you can expect of him, this is as good as it gets. He can waste your entire life if you continue to prolong this relationship hoping it will somehow rise above the misery it brings you.
It’s hard to leave someone you love, but when they bring you more tears and heartache than happiness, they are not looking out for you or care to protect you in the way a relationship should, and chances are, they never will.
I know it must be hard for him, too. It must be horrible having to think all these negative thoughts about someone you want to trust, who you used to be so happy with. And now you can only think of them cheating. I understand how horrible he must feel. I have empathized with him over this and stood by him no matter what.
But I can’t tolerate his attitude towards me. It feels wrong. I just feel he’s using me as a place to live. And maybe he really does love me deep down, but I feel I have struggled and fought hard and long enough.
None can resist the flame, doesn’t matter if you are already with someone.
I of course have no idea what im saying right now as usual.
I’ve been thinking on this situation for a while and @iamoliviar please look in the mirror and say…
“I am a good person who has tried my best but I must keep my own strength and heal to cary on.”
Since you are the one with the job, I have a feeling the apartment is in your name. You might have to tell him,
“I have never cheated on you and if you can’t believe that, then you should leave.”
But just as no one can talk another person out of a delusion, they shouldn’t have to say they did something they didn’t do in order to placate the person suffering.
Stand strong and just keep reaffirming that you have never cheated on him and if he is going to treat you like this, then it’s time for him to go live with some of his friends.
I have a feeling that if you both can have some time apart, you will heal, him will fall apart, end up in hospital, stabilize and then start to untangle his mind, then you two will have a chance together.
But to take on this illness… alone? As complex and as hard as it is… never works out well. You know… you can see it and I’m sure you can feel it… he’s getting worse. The big break is coming. Maybe that is what needs to happen. Then it’s the crisis team that is putting him in hospital, and you are in no way involved with his anger phase.
I know hospitalization is often portrayed as a bad thing, but healing starts when the doctors can see what he’s doing. We don’t avoid hospital for a heart attack or a radial break of the leg, why do we avoid hospital for a mental break of the mind?
I really do hope you give yourself some time and distance to heal and get strong and over come the pain your in. But I have a feeling that you will keep the line of communication open. So when he does get better, you can try being friends again.
I really am rooting for you both… for him to get some professional help and for you not be in full sorrow. May better days come to you soon.
Thank you for everything you just said.
I don’t think hospitalization is actually bad. I wish he would agree to go. For all I know, when we break up he might do better and be happier and not need help or ever want to see me again. He might find someone else - which will hurt a lot - and hate me. He might find the happiness he was looking for. He might also end up on the street or in trouble. I wish I could know. I wish I could help. I wish it never had to come to this.
I saw on his iTouch notes that he’d written that it was too late to save him and I. But he wrote that he at least had a “sexy ass girl” to have “great sex with” and they could make his dreams come true and conquer the world and rule a Kingdom together. It hurt because he used to say that about me. Now it’s about a made up girl based on pictures and a memory. It hurts because I’m right there next to him and he’s thinking this stuff… I walked out crying to work…
He just got a call from a job I applied to for him. He might do well there. I feel it’s a chance for us to be okay, but I know it’s all in my head… I know in reality it won’t save us. I don’t want him for money, but I thought maybe it’d make us more stable, make him feel confident… But I don’t know. I want to give him more time but at the same time…it feels wrong. I want to see what this job will bring. But deep down I know he’ll just be mean, skip work, be late, not want to give me the money, use it as a chance to leave… I wish we could grow together and move forward together and have each other. But I have a feeling I’d be just as delusional as him if I actually believed it would save us…
Maybe he’ll end up realizing what he lost and he’ll come back and actually change and get help. Maybe. Or maybe he’ll end up being okay on his own and not caring we broke up and have sex with other girls. I don’t know… I have a feeling we will see each other again, but that - again - could just be a wish.
I have written him a long letter. It made me cry so much. I wanted to rip it up and take it all back. But I know things won’t change… I thought they would. But I guess not. And I’m going to just leave it with his stuff on the sidewalk… I don’t know if I’ll find the courage and strength to do this… But right when I saw the note he wrote, that was my plan.
THe feeling of sadness and rage has worn off. But I know it’s still the right thing to do…
I hope it doesn’t get to that point. But you have to get out of this situation. He’s not getting better and you are in pain.
Please let us know how your doing.
I’m rooting for you.
I’m being real with you, with the little delusions you spoke he had, if you kicked him out he might be able to live with friends or family, if not he will end up on the streets. And in this society, the way he is acting he will not get another girl.
CARE about yourself! I feel your pain!
I’m so sorry, I’m going through the same thing and it hurts. I have to make a decision and it’s cutting me up inside. Wishing us both strength.
I’m sorry you go through this. Do what you feel inside. If you feel you can’t have anymore crap, break up with him. It can take a lot of time for him to realize he is ill and that the weed is making him worse.
I was not at home for a year when I became ill. I did not want anything to do with my family. I thought they would kill me in my sleep. My husband took care of the kids all by himself. But after a year I was well enough to try family life again. I was in hospital 6 of those months. I hardly remember any of it. I was in a terrible condition.
Think about you in first hand. You have to take care of you to be well. Your bf is no good for you now, maybe in the future. You have to think about yourself or you will crash too.
Thank you for all the support and the genuine care I feel from everyone on here! I really do appreciate it and it means a ton to me.
I have decided to give him one more chance. He was at his dad’s house for the weekend and he called and texted me constantly. While I felt he would not change, I felt our relationship deserved one more chance. We have discussed things a lot and I have told him that if he thinks about that girl or acts mean he is not staying with me.
So far he has barely thought of the girl. He may have realized what he’s giving up if he does such childish, mean, selfish things. But it’s hard to say. We entered a “Divine Union” and he says that you can’t think of other people during it - because he thinks that’s what I do even though he blatantly is the one who does it - so I remind him of this constantly. He has been less accusatory and has barely thought of her.
I am hoping this continues. I am standing by my word, no matter how hard it may be. I love him and I want us to work and I want to help him any way possible, but I will not tolerate being cheated on in any form or treated like crap.
that is the best thing to go for. Be open to love, but be true to yourself.
I’m glad you’re not in pain and sorrow right now and he’s starting to treat you with some of the respect you richly deserve.
Thank you for letting us know you’re Ok.