Update? Idk. Maybe it's still the same one

Family
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I don’t even know the last time I was here, so I’ll update. My husband has been in the hospital 4 times (as of today) since August. I came here originally after he had a complete psychotic break early in the summer. He’d been having delusions (mind control, implants, etc.etc.) for some time. In summer 2015 he was diagnosed with drug induced psychosis.

He has no other diagnosis in terms of sz. He knows he has borderline personality disorder, ptsd, anxiety, depression, etc. He takes no meds except street drugs and aspirin.

Last time in the hospital he begged for drug rehab. They refused to accept him. He punched a shower door, broke his hand, and because he had a cast he couldn’t stay in the ward so they let him go. The night he broke his hand, however, he did get halidol. Apparently iv Valium didn’t work.

He’s been on a huge binge for 4 days. He contacted me this morning after standing me up yesterday (did I say he wants to come home?). His ankle was so swollen he couldn’t walk, the ED said it was sprained. I’d bet anything it’s edema due to his drug use, but what do I know. He had also cut off his cast. He wanted to go to the ED to be admitted. I took him… they let him go. This time I marched him back in, demanded to see the ER doc, and basically berated the guy. I gave my husband a choice that I would IVC him or he must tell the doc the truth. He sheepishly told him he’s suicidal and homicidal… I gave the doc examples…so they admitted. My husband told me he might ask for halidol again for anxiety while he’s there. I hope so. Anything. Last time he said he’d ask for seroquel and didn’t, so we’ll see.

I thought his issues were drug induced, then SZ, then drug induced, now I’m not sure. After the drugs clear his system he’s almost normal. A weird normal, but ok. I found a love letter he wrote a few weeks ago to a star he has persistent delusions about and their child. I just found it, as I’m washing his nasty clothes from his binge. I’m so upset. Reading how much he misses her and wants her to find him when 2 days later he was begging to come home and loves me… I’m beside myself. How dumb is that? Being furiously hurt and jealous of a delusion? All I can think is, I’m killing myself getting him help. I’m caring for him. And that’s the person he misses? But he’s been saying since then he misses me! Somebody help me bcz I tell you, I think I’m losing it. My husband is ill and I am jealous of a 3 week old letter. Oh, and the rehab they will send him to this time is in the same city as his ex wife. 5 hours away from me. Imagine what that will do to his delusions because… she is on the news there! In real life! What is the likelihood! Not that she will see him in person but I am sure he will be obsessed. I just want to cry as I fold his stupid clothes. I know this may be my life. I can handle a lot, but feeling second or third best to fictional and past women, well, that’s hard to handle. I guess if he starts talking about coming home again I’ll say something about no love letters to exes? Certainly can’t say no love letters to delusions of famous people and their children!This is ridiculous!!! I’m ridiculous!

Anyway. Thanks for listening to the rant. I actually saw something in another post about PTSD? Maybe a link with sz? I’m not sure. I searched the boards but don’t see anything recent. Does anyone have any info about ptsd and sz?

Thank you. I’m sorry for my petty rant. Maybe it’s getting him admitted today and hormones but I am not handling this well. I just don’t know how to handle all of this.

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hugs My fiancé has been in the hospital since yesterday and I know what you’re going through and I’m really sorry that this is happening to you right now. One time he said he was going to move to China because his Captain (a girl whom I thought was imaginary at the time told him so). I eventually met her and she denied all claims, but it turns out that she was in love with him after promising she had no feelings for him. One day I ask him if he loves her and he says, “I think so, yes. Oops,” because that day he had told me that only one of us was in loved after telling him that I loved him. I went to break up with him and then he didn’t want to. Then a week later he broke up with me and the girl confessed to him and he told her that he didn’t love her, that he loved me. She asked why he would say mean things to me if they were the opposite and he said he didn’t know. She told me the story: during that time I had felt all that you’re feeling and it only left me feeling more confused. My advice is just to breathe and have a day off to yourself or even a week. Just take time off and relax. Otherwise you’re going to have a breakdown and I know I’ve had quite a few with him. I don’t know anything about PTSD and Schizophrenia combined, but I have PTSD and I know that the symptoms never go away. I will always be distrustful of people, get flashbacks and have triggers, check for escape routes once I enter a place, analyze anything or anyone that passes me by, and avoid social situations if possible. My PTSD is due to abuse, but some other people it have due to things like car crashes or watching someone get murdered (I’ve had this happen to me, except he didn’t die).

This may help you understand them a little better: How PTSD Is Treated: Is There a Cure?

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Thank you… someone understands! I have tears in my eyes!

I can’t see him until Tuesday, and can have no contact, so I have a few days “off”. Hopefully he’ll stay in and actually get rehab this time. And meds.

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You’re welcome, just take it easy. Stay in and watch a movie or something or just sleep. Since you’re his wife, ask to speak to the doctor and tell you what you think and feel. Tell him that you really think he needs the medication. I went today to the hospital and they said they’re not going to let him out for a month because he’s really unstable. Even if he stays there a few weeks, that would be good for the both you and help you two get back on track. I honestly don’t think anybody with depression is homicidal unless they’re on drugs, which he is. So they might have to keep for a while longer, just to help him get a detox. My fiancé used to do drugs too and it never ended well for him.

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I know it’s different because it’s your husband, but I wrote myself a big note that says –

REMEMBER - DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL

It’s the disease. I’m sure he loves you. His mind just isn’t right.

Good for you that you stood up to him and the doctor. Keep doing that - maybe push for him to have drugs, even one of those month-long injections. As my son’s doctor said yesterday when he pretty much rejected meds at his monthly appt, you just have to do your best and keep trying.

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Slw,

I’m sure you don’t recall, but you told me that a few times this summer and it kept me going. I think you are right and that he loves me… but man. Him loving a fictional woman too!!! It is the illness. I just want to be ok too. I need a thicker skin.

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I think you have me confused with someone else - I just joined in September.

However, I think it’s good advice - I’m trying to follow it myself.
It’s hard though - but, it does calm me down to repeat it a few times.

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I have to look at old posts… I thought it was you… now I’m wondering if I have lost total track of time!!! Thanks anyway! :grinning: