So, yesterday I thought I was going to lose her (my girlfriend for those just reading this and haven’t read the previous). I was on the train coming home from school in downtown Chicago. And she messages me telling me that shes upset and scared. (she’s having health issues (Doctors think Endometriosis or something with her bladder and its been this way for a year and couple months and isn’t helping anything. Just making it worse) and i said i was sorry there wasn’t anything I could do for her right then as I was on the train. She states that she was depressed and that her family wasn’t paying attention like always and she was just done. I replied with im sorry love have you tried talking to them? and she just says “imma kill myself” Obviously, I try talking her out of it, but she just replies with a bunch of dots and stops answering me. I started freaking out and messaging her but still no reply. I call her and she picks up and i breath a sigh of relief running into my next problem…I don’t know what to say to her. Sitting around a bunch of strangers on the quiet car I tell her i was freaking out and that im glad shes still breathing and she says shes not. Still trying to think of something to say i say im sorry. I don’t know why I’m apologizing but i keep doing it and she tells me she’s siting outside.We talked about the weather because the sun makes her feel better sometimes but not this time. I get off the train walk as fast as i can home (A good 20 minute walk) trying to get home to Skype her and calm her down and my phone dies 2/3rds of the way there. f*ck so i start walking faster than my little legs can handle and get home and boot up my laptop and Skype her. I eventually get her to laugh even though i know she’s still depressed. I was scared to fall asleep last night but i knew it was okay cause she wasn’t cutting/burning or talking about killing herself anymore. SO fast forward to after school today. I’m sitting here on Skype with her as I’m typing this (she’s singing about the sea monkeys she got at toys r us right now) She seems okay for now but i know its an act because she thinks she brings me down. We talked about her going to see a therapist or someone that might help her and she is considering it, but i know the minute they try to medicate her if she does go, that’ll be the end of it. She says she’s considering it, but she doesn’t want her mom to know which is understandable because when she tells her mom anything it goes in one ear and out the other it seems. I’m not saying she’s a bad mom, but when it comes to C’s health she seems concerned, but makes C wait until she (her mom) has the day off of work to take her to the doctor or something similar. I’m just glad she’s considering it because of how terrified and paranoid she is about them. She physically shakes in waiting rooms and its visible to anyone looking at her. she’s literally terrified. and she’s had a few bad therapists so i understand why she’s hesitant about them too but i keep telling her they all aren’t like that. I told her that even though she might not be schizophrenic she should go based on her anxiety and depression alone cause for her its just bad and she knows she should probably be medicated for them. I keep telling her that no one is going to help her unless she helps herself first. She won’t call her mom to take her to get the procedure (Cystoscopy) for her bladder done and the longer she waits the worse it’ll get. I’m trying guys. I’m really trying…i’m just really worried about her. I know this is all over the place but im just trying to get all my thoughts and feelings and everything else down so you guys understand the situation. It’s frustrating and stressful but i love her and im more worried and scared for her than anything…but there’s the update. Sorry for the lengthiness. .
There’s a lot in that post. I hope you are doing ok, it must be quite taxing on you. You must feel hamstrung a lot of the time. But it also sounds like you’re the only person she opens up to.
It sounds like your girlfriend is very unwell and needs to just go to the doctor on her own if her mother makes her wait.
In the meantime, I don’t think it would be unreasonable of you to direct her to a crisis line for immediate assistance. This will take a toll on you and I really don’t think it’s unfair for you to share the load, so to speak. You must take care of yourself too.
Unfortunately she doesn’t drive, doesn’t have a job to pay for driving school, and her grandmother complains when she asks her to take her… I’m doing okay, just stressed out from school and MY grandmother and sister (i just moved in with them cause its easier access to the train.). she’s in s frustrating situation but isn’t doing anything to help herself either. which is also frustrating but i actually surprised at how well i’m managing everything. I didn’t even think of a crisis hotline honestly. but trying to get her to call it will be extremely hard. I take care of myself as best i can with everything and we’re both supportive of each other and she helps me when im depressed too but its one of those situations where its just ughhh haha. but im in it for the long haul and i make sure she knows that all the time no matter what and i think it helps her knowing that. she said she refuses to spill her guts to a stranger…facepalms
If your girlfriend is in Chicago, there is a First Episode Psychosis program at the University of Illinois at Chicago Medical School. The number is 312-355-5234. These programs are geared towards young adults and provide a comprehensive approach. They will not mandate meds but will develop a relationship with her and then encourage her to consider her recovery. Look up the program online and give them a call. If she’s not in the city, they may have programs in the surrounding area. My son is 21 and is participating in a similar program in the suburbs of an urban area. In my area, the clinicians will see the young people at home, in an office or even in a local coffee shop if she is lacking transportation. Best wishes!
Going with her ( if you can ) would be great. Maybe she can set it up for a time when you can go with her.
You are doing all you can–dont feel bad about yourself if you cant ALWAYS be there. A support group might be good for you also-good luck:four_leaf_clover: