Thanks so much, Leiann. I just feel defeated today. I have been very strong up until today. My husband told me last night that he will not live with him again. He has his own mental health issues (bipolar) and he and my son are like matches and gasoline, so I somewhat understand what he's saying. But at the same time, it feels like he is deserting a sinking ship. I just am tired of being the strong one in family and keeping all the balls up in the air. I can't live with my son alone. He does have violent tendencies and without my husband there to protect me, I can't imagine what would happen. I know you have felt this way, but dammit, just doesn't seem fair. This illness is so cruel! I read something that a p-doc had written about this illness and it was eloquent, but yet sad. I wanted to share it:
Schizophrenia is a vile, ugly monster that robs a person of his own mind. I hate it. I hate to see young people disappear under this terrible thing. As of this date, medication is the best thing we have. It certainly isn't perfect, but it can be helpful. And we have good, solid research demonstrating a robust benefit to the brain from taking antipsychotic meds. Schizophrenic patients who do not take their meds suffer more neuronal loss. The brain of the schizophrenic literally loses mass over time. The medication is protective. It is very important to understand this. Antipsychotic medications reduce loss of brain mass.
Schizophrenia is a lifelong, progressive brain disease. It is the cruelest disease in existence. Medication is the best tool you have. Yes, some of the side effects are uncomfortable, but schizophrenia is much, much worse.
I am so sorry you must carry this burden, and if I had the power to lift the horrors of schizophrenia from your child and the burdens of it all from your shoulders, I should be so very glad to do so. My heart aches for you... I have seen the pain parents must endure more times than I care to think about. Sometimes the grief of the parents is more painful to me than witnessing the beautiful promise in a young person being strangled slowly from his mind by this monster. I am so very sorry you are going through this. But please do encourage him to take his meds.