I would suggest attending, but removing yourself at any sign of provocation or aggression.
He is too “acute” to take him in. That is one of the most ridiculous statements from a hospital or is it that they don’t have psych beds? Sometimes the only place where the police can take our violent children is to jail and hopefully your son will get a caseworker to help him get into a psych hospital. In your shoes I would not feel guilty of not allowing a violent son or daughter in my home. Get some very good locks for all your doors and windows and call the police when you see him. When this is done enough times the police may be able to help in showing your son’s violent history and force the powers that be to commit him to a hospital psych unit.
Hang in there LisaS, you are fighting for your life, your husband’s life and your son’s life.
Molly - The funny thing - this place was called something like Children’s Recovery Center. It IS a mental illness facility. He is presently in a hospital in the behavorial health unit. I went for family therapy last Friday and it turned ugly. He started cussing at me, slapped a cup of water and ice out of hand and it went everywhere, then shouted at me to get the f*&k out of there. I left and I won’t be going back. He called us a few times after that and now the phone calls have stopped. The problem is he is 17, won’t be 18 till next May. The police have probably been to our present house 8 times in the last 10 months. He was arrested previously for choking his older brother (that was last fall). The problem is there are no long-term State-operated mental facilities here for violent teenagers. The only thing that would change that is if he killed one of us. Isn’t that ridiculous? Then they would put him away. Sad. We will only get help if he kills someone.
Can you find an out-of-state facility?
I don’t blame you for not going back to family therapy. It’s not doing any of you any good!
I don’t know - if he’s not a resident of that state, would a State provide state-funded mental health housing for him? I just don’t have any info on this. If anyone else knows, please chime in. Thanks, everyone!
I had problems finding placement for my son when he was younger and exhibited some violent behavior, and as an adult when he was not well enough to live at my house.
Places for people who have any history of violent behavior are hard to find. GOOD places for them are even harder to find.
LIsaS have you tried the 1-800-522-9054 number yet? Its a regional crisis line.
I just spoke to them and they said if you would call them, they will be gathering some possible sources for you while they wait for your call. Hope
Hope - Thank you SO much! I will be off work in a little over an hour and I will call them the minute I walk out the door. I have felt sick to my stomach since this happened because I feel like we have no resources and no one (including the Office of Juvenile Affairs) is listening to us. It is scary when your family member is anger-filled, aggressive and violent. The nurse at the hospital said today that my son indicated the Zyprexa is helping with his anger, but I am so fearful right now, I wonder if he just saying that so he can get released? That is horrible to second guess your own child, but after 2 1/2 years of this, I am shell shocked.
I appreciate the help more than you know.
Oh no - believe me, I know - we are so alone in all this.
You are right to doubt him, Dr Amador says they quickly learn how to tell the system what it wants to hear in order to get released. The system likes to be able to fill in the blanks and stamp them “good to go”.
If this number isn’t helpful, let me know, I will chase down some more numbers.
@Hope, let me just say that people like you help restore my faith in others,! Love, Love, Love that you went the extra mile, and made that phone call for a stranger! So happy that I found this forum…and all of you on it! LisaS, you are in my prayers.
Thanks Leiann, this is a good forum, so many here do so much for each other. Really hoping they were able to provide something - this is an easy business to become cynical as we face so many roadblocks trying to get help.
Hope - I talked to them Wed. evening and they gave me some good info. From what I understand, there is lock-up state-funded places reserved for the most mentally ill in our state. She gave me a resource to call and get him registered for services and then we’ll go from there. I had the killer of all migraines yesterday and didn’t get out of bed all day. It’s like I am having a delayed reaction to all of this and literally depression kicked in this week too. It’s so odd, I’ve been doing so good, just going about my normal routine and then this week…BOOM! I’ve barely been able to make it though my workday. I go to bed exhausted and regardless of how much sleep I get, I wake up exhausted. My husband has been zero support or help. He is very self-focused (is this because of the bipolar?) and keeps reminding me that my son always attacks him while I stand by and watch. He also states that his mother would jump on my son’s back and beat the crap out of him if he was attacking anyone in our family. He makes me feel like I haven’t done enough when my son starts up. I don’t know what I can do when he’s so much bigger than I am and he’s incredibly strong. My husband loves to throw blame around and it just makes me feel worse than I already do. I don’t do that to him even I do feel that he is in the wrong. He criticizes me over every perceived flaw I have. I think right now, more than ever, we need to cling to each other and support each other. I feel more alone than ever. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you all. By the way, I am starting to attend the local NAMI support meetings. They are the 1st and 3rd Mondays of each month. Maybe that will help. Don’t know how much any of you know about conduct disorder, but from what I’ve read, it is very difficult to treat and it is one of the worst disorders. This all seems so hopeless right now. I so appreciate your prayers, Leiann. I am finding it difficult to pray right now, but I know He knows what we’re going through. Thank you all for listening.
I do that. In a crisis, I’m a rock - I just keep going.
After almost a year-long period where we were in crisis mode more often than not, it looks like we’ve got a sustainable solution. Now, I can’t shake the physical exhaustion and brain fog.
I need to start getting some more exercise, eating better, etc, to see if it goes away, but it’s so hard to get started and keep going long enough to feel a difference. And, getting older certainly doesn’t help.
It’s great that you are on your way to finding a place for your son. Take solace in that. You and your husband have been through a horrible ordeal. I hope you both can get some rest and peace this weekend.
@LisaS I will definitely hold you up in prayer. It’s a difficult thing to do while you are going through all of this, I know. Your husband, as mine is as well, has his own mental illness and in my experience it does make them extremely self centered. Not that I think they get off of the hook because of that. I know the damage that having that judgement thrown at you, unfortunately when you least want it. It’s difficult enough to deal with what’s happening with your son and that judgement compounds the problem. It’s painful. Somehow you have to try not to think about that, and take care of yourself and your son. Easy to say but difficult to do. I have been working on letting that go, knowing that those judgements are unfair. Come to us when you are feeling overwhelmed by it all. Not ideal since we are not physically there to help you but in our hearts, we are. Thinking of you and I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
LisaS, Like you and slw, after a crisis I crash, I’ve been crashed since Jeb went to a new psychiatrist and actually picked up meds.
Yesterday while husband was driving and fretting over another driver, he began ramping up his frustration and said “you just watch, this guy is going to pass me again, he keeps speeding up and slowing down”. I told him “not if God cares, I could use this one small favor”. He looked at me and looked embarassed for a change. He didn’t make any more comments about that car.
Is it just a man thing or what?
It’s like driving is a competitive sport & everyone’s on the road that day just to beat them.
Even if I’m driving, he’s like you’re leaving too much room. Watch, someone’s going to cut right in there.
As if it really matters all that much.
I really do think its about how delusions can be based on having a mentality or illness that thrives on jumping to conclusions.
My husband thinks all of the other drivers are all driving badly at him, personally. Its a conclusion he has jumped to in his mind. He will edge his car up so that no one can get in front of him, all kinds of stupid stuff. He takes any move someone else makes with their car as though its “being done to him”.
Mine’s thought process while he is driving or arguing, would not hold up to reality testing. I guess that’s why driving stresses him out so much. He has to be on constant guard for other drivers trying to best him.
Update: Yesterday was my son’s last day at the hospital. I went to sign discharge papers. They took him off his Adderall and the Abilify. I thought both of those were good things. The p-doc said with his past history of drug abuse, he didn’t want him to take the Adderall any longer (he’s been on some form of ADHD meds since he was 6). They put him on Trileptal and Zyprexa twice a day (heavier dose at bedtime). I asked the nurse how he was doing and she said not much improvement. He had written all sorts of stuff that was completely out there, all of which went in the trash. Very dark stuff about death, drugs, etc. He did write me a card of apology but it was addressed to me and only me, not mentioning his dad at all. We had court in the afternoon. The court reporter was sick (what they only have one?) so the judge wouldn’t allow him to stipulate to his charges without a court reporter there. So it has been continued until 9/6. Until then, he is in a juvenile correctional facility that is almost 3 hours away. He is on suicide watch again, refusing water as a way to die. His juvenile worker said he doesn’t settle down, back to in-patient mental health. (On our dime again, of course…not that I’m complaining, but I’m still paying off hospital bills from 2/15 from his first suicide attempt.) At court, he was begging, begging me to bail him. Promising me he would be good, etc. I had such a difficult time telling him no, but I did. I hope and pray that I’m doing the right thing. Thoughts anyone?