@Sadwife I have gone through the extreme delusion part for sure but not with a spouse, with my son. He did extremely hurtful things when he was really ill before he got treatment. He always wished me dead, and he was not above shoving me around, he stole and destroyed my car while I was at work. He stole money from me even when I would take care to try to hide it. He told tall tales to people about things I was supposedly doing…even after he was getting treatment but not yet fully stable he took a shelf of antique books that I had collected from childhood and sold them for $5 because he wanted something, a beer or a taco or whatever. I had countless people tell me that I needed to walk away from him and just focus on myself because I should not tolerate his delusional behaviors.
I am guessing it is a big difference between it being a child or a spouse as to whether you could feel like walking away was the right thing to do. I mean the relationships have different dynamics. I was a single mother abandoned by my own parents at an early age so walking away for myself was not an option for me in my circumstance. I knew if I did walk away that no one else would help my son and that his life would be very short.
When he was beginning treatment and still using drugs and still running away when he got a chance—I wanted to abandom him many times and just take care of me, it seemed like the logical and sensible thing to do but I just could not do it, and it was hell for few years until we got everything stable both with his treatment and with our living situation which is that we live together now and successfully so. If you asked me 10 years ago if I would be where I am today with my son stable and living with me and the two of us getting along well together and making slow but positive progress in our individual lives, I would have said you’re crazy, that is impossible. I am glad now that I stuck it out. I am glad that my son and I both survived the insanity and the process of getting the right treatment. I am grateful today. My son does not remember even a fraction of what he did back then, and so it is behind me today.
I understand how you feel, I do not know what it is like to have a sz spouse with serious delusions, you have to do what you can live with, whatever that might be, no one can really advise or judge on these kinds of things because they are so deeply personal and so emotionally charged, I think why I hung in for all the years it took to get where I am today was because a friend of mine had a sz son that she had ‘had enough of’ and she threw him out right after his 18th birthday because he was non compliant and destructive and abusive and within 5 days of leaving his mother’s home, he killed himself. Maybe he would have done that no matter what, no one can know. Hearing about that made me think that if I got the same news about my own son after removing myself from his care, I would not have recovered from that. I know me. If I had a sz spouse I don’t know, maybe if he had other family it would feel different or if I was ready to accept any possible outcome then I would be at peace with my decision…I truly do not know because I am single. I don’t envy your situation. My heart goes out to you. Just do what you know in your heart you can be at peace with and then be at peace, if you can. Wishing you and your family only the best.