For me its the unknown of what will happen in the future.
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Having to deal with real and constant physical and psychological harassment or other claims against me or things that interfere with my employment. (I am a full time care giver now but used to keep at least a part time job.) If I don’t tell him who I worked for he would find out what I did and spread rumors and make me have to go out of work so often that I got fired or given very few (ie. not enough) hours to make it financially secure.
More recently now that he is committed, I have severed all contact except for letters and planned visits with recording and supervision. He accused myself and family of other crimes while harassing and at times beating/choking others. My parents were too afraid to call the cops or to want to have to put their own child in jail. As a result they both have anxiety and PTSD. It would not surprise me, even with court ordered medication and a permanent separate housing situation, if he put himself on the streets or ran away again. One of my biggest fears is having him find me and enact some sort of revenge because I (alongside many others) finally put him into long term treatment. He burned too many bridges with other family members and I am honestly considering ways to ensure my and my family’s safety if he ever get erroneously discharged or escapes.
We gave him nothing but unconditional support and kept him off medication (per his wishes, not ours obviously) and despite that he used his mental illness to abuse everyone he is supposed to care about. Suffice it to say, I have a strained relationship that will only heal when HE wants to be forgiven. The second some sort of “well but you did…” comes out of his mouth, I know this won’t really be about forgiveness, all he wants is sympathy and some kind of connection. It’s quite sad but reasonable to assume that he is lonely. He’s sent me letters but I have had to forward some to the appropriate legal authorities so that, should I request it, I can have a Protection Order and other help offered to protect myself.