Thank you @hope , for your response and time.
I have started looking into NAMI, and found some resources I believe will be valuable. I appreciate the the advice and will continue to investigate what they have to offer.
I know he does not trust the doctors and will not go to a therapist, but I guess I never considered going to one for myself.
He failed because he said that the hatchet didn’t work. He said the worst gash that took a chunk out of his arm was the first strike. The other slices just got weaker by the attempts.
I made my first post last Sunday night. He left for the first time while I was at my mom’s visiting her on mother’s day. From what he shared, I’m guessing he attempted in the bathtub and that did not work, so i figure he grabbed his stuff and left. He said that he feft it was time to go.
A month before this happened I knew his meds need adjusted. I had a struggle simply scheduling an appointment! I got him to agree to give me verbal consent to make the appointment, despite refusal to make the appointment himself. Anywho, that appointment is coming up in July, he said he was going to be signing consent papers.
I just wonder if they’d actually find the logs helpful or if it’d be more or a reminder to me of the intensity of the daily paranoia.
I also wonder about the log and/or notecard to share the attempts and voices because I have a good feeling I will not speak up at appointments about his actions.
I don’t feel comfortable telling his family anymore because he tells me I’ve been hearing fir year now how he doesn’t trust them. I mean he specifically said do not tell anyone about this. Even though there’s no reason, even though they’re a close family and supportive of eachother and I’ve know them for over a decade. I can’t help but want to honor his wishes and keep them in the dark about the true intensity.
He feels we’re only invited over to holidays for them to laugh and belittle him. He’s shared how he thinks his youngest sister poisoned him a month ago because he must have ate too much when we visitedthe time before. Unfortunately, the list goes on.
When he first got on medication years ago he was hospitalized. He voluntarily drove that night to another city hospital and admitted himself. They kept him for 72 hours. I slept in the car for the night, but contacted his oldest sister the next morning because she lived in that city.
With that, our families have known in general that he has been suffering and was diagnosed years ago. I guess, I don’t want to worry them and bother them if they don’t want to ask.
I group messaged his siblings once this winter telling them he said that he feels none of them cares about him, and he could use their support. It bit me in the ass though. They all messaged him that day. Nothing wrong with what they did! They care, that’s why they all wanted to immediately respond to that, but there’s five of them, so it was pretty obvious.
It’s not just if they don’t ask I don’t want to bother them. I’ve been asked but I don’t know how to tell them your brother or son is hearing voices to tell him to kill himself, or thinks everybody is watching him and listening to him. He thinks you’re against him and doesn’t even feel welcome in your home.
I’ve known them for a third of my life, they’re my family too, and I feel comfortable with all of them. I guess I feel selfish too knowing if I talk to them about it I will want to say how much I am struggling keeping it together- how i get frustrated trying to figure out who he is talking about when he hardly ever uses a name, how I’m tired of holding back a cough, a scratch of the face or head because im worried it’ll cause him to panic. I would want to tell them how I wish we could watch a movie together or sing a song together without it having a alternative meaning. I wish I wasn’t accused of cheating all the time, I wish I could make a mistake like burn dinner without it being in purpose, or any of the other things that I’m trying to find the patience for. We both work at home, we’re both around eachother all the time and it is a consistent roller-coaster of emotions daily.
I don’t want to end up venting about my struggle to them when there brother’s or son’s is far worse. I dont want to tell my sister because I’ve tried and I know she loves him too but her advice to her youger sister I simply dont want to hear! Not to say she isnt there for me. She took me home to the unexpexpected empty house last week with many of his things missing and insisted on bringing me back home with her incase I had a seizure that night. My momma worries enough, it’d break her heart to hear an update.
As you can read, I could ramble forever because I’ve been keeping it in all in. That’s why i knew i needed to reach out for some support here. I appreciate you!
