(I wrote this hours ago, but had to leave before posting it. I edited the part about any family members of his, after reading your latest post, but that is all I have energy to edit at this time. I could wait and edit it tomorrow morning to more fully answer your latest post, but I think you might find help in what I had composed for you, anyway, and I want you to have whatever help you can get from this, so I am sending it now. I hope it helps.)
If he has a mental illness, I encourage you to contact your local Nami resources. They can do so much. They offer family classes, where I learned a great deal from both the course and from the other family members in the course. If he has mental illness, the drugs are him trying to self medicate. He needs proper medicine. It sometimes takes a while before they get the medication right, but once they do, it makes all the difference.
You may want to check out the vitamins section of this website. I have found that nutritional supplements have a great benefit. Some psychiatrists, like some doctors, are against them, but many appreciate the benefit they bring.
Ask at the VA hospital if there are any family liaison, social worker, or nurse that you can talk to about your husband’s condition, and if they have any other resources that may help you in this difficult time. We cannot do this alone.
The immediate family of your husband’s mentally ill family members may be a resource for you, and may be able to express their love for your husband in a helpful way, especially if they have worked to learn about local resources and the skills that helped them to help their family member.
There are many books that are available that really have helped me so much. The one I am reading now, which I really am finding very helpful, is “The Complete Family Guide to Schizophrenia: Helping Your Loved One Get the Most Out of Life” by Kim T. Mueser and Susan Gingerich. I got the digital version for $9.99 on Google Play Books. The paperback is available on Amazon.com for under $20.
We are actually in a crisis ourselves, as we need to move in less than two months, after 8 years here, cannot afford the local prices that have escalated drastically, and my son has refused to leave, believing that if he leaves the area, he’ll die. So I am looking for the answers as to how to convince him he will be safe and that I will not let that happen. And I am finding a lot of wisdom in this book and another, “Social Skills Training for Schizophrenia, Second Edition" by Alan S. Bellack), Kim T. Mueser, Susan Gingerich, and Julie Agresta.
Take care of yourself. This is very big stuff, and takes a lot. Try to eat right and nurture yourself. Hopefully, you have someone who can talk about all this with you. Again, I recommend Nami. I find it helpful to share with those who have been in the trenches, who can often give valuable information from their own experiences, warm understanding and encouragement. I find that people who have not experienced these kinds of things and/or had some kind of education about it do not fully comprehend, so those who have walked in those shoes are invaluable friends. Hearing the voice of those helping, seeing the kind encouragement in their eyes, and feeling their hugs is only available when they are in your local area.
I tend to have anxiety attacks leading to depression when in terrible stress, and have found that taking 5-HTP, DHEA, Selenium, Calcium and Magnesium can bring me back from that and also can prevent it and keep me calm and level headed. The funny thing is that when crisis hits and stress compounds, I sometimes forget to take them and that is when I get into trouble, so my long-time friend reminds me, in such instances, and my body and brain start responding in about 6 hours. I can recommend these, which are available on amazon.com at good prices, and also perhaps in local health food stores. I am not a doctor, and am not dispensing medical advice. You can do internet searches for vitamins and herbs for stress. Or you could get anxiety meds from a doctor, if needed. I have gone that route, and they work, too.
With prayers and warm wishes for your wellbeing and that of your husband and children,