I’m desperately hanging on to my boyfriend of 3+ years. I can’t handle it anymore, it’s the inappropriate affect that is the hardest to deal with alongside deep rooted anger. There are a lot of wounds from his past that haven’t healed, that causes him to instantly become defensive.
I used to get panic attacks while working up the courage just to voice a complaint. But It’s gotten to the point where I’m sick of tip toeing around things that make me feel bad or insecure. Now i’d rather stand up for myself and voice my concerns knowing there’s a 98% chance I’ll be ridiculed. Communication has always been poor because he can’t exactly voice his thoughts on spot. It’s like a million thoughts that fly by that he can’t ever catch to talk about.
In his defense he has been trying.
He has been back on meds, he stopped drinking alcohol years ago because his body couldn’t handle the abuse anymore. He is trying to get in touch with a therapist but never gets a response. I love him very much and It hurts me deeply that I want to throw in the towel. Plus It doesn’t help that I now have a newborn baby. So for now i’m financially screwed and can’t just move away.
Me being with my own mental issues, It’s just hard to deal with the yelling and belittling when things aren’t communicated correctly. I have a newborn son now, and I don’t want him to see me being disrespected. It’s bad behavior he doesn’t need to learn or witness.
My question is, If I hold out and stay with this guy will things ever be better? He says things will get better and that he just needs to try a different anti-psychotic. He says I just need to be patient and not give up. But I’m just so worn out by the verbal abuse.
Couples counseling might help if you or he has insurance. If not, then maybe an online service like BetterHelp would be feasible. I see that their lowest cost is $60/week – I suppose for 1 session.
I am so sorry for your position. Ridiculing/being ridiculed is NOT the way a healthy partnership should operate, whether the partners are in good mental health or not. I was in an abusive marriage for two decades, I stayed because of the kids, but in the end my own mental health was torn to shreds from the constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse and I left, homeless, without my children. I couldn’t escape earlier (I thought) because of the financial situation. But there are shelters just for women with children. I should have been brave enough to leave years earlier. My children are scarred because of their younger years watching the terrible emotional outbursts between their parents. My oldest developed schizophrenia in her early thirties.
I understand that you love your partner, but if you stay together, it is likely that the emotional abuse will not improve. I say set your own self and your child as priorities and plan a way to leave (secretly if that is the only way to plan) as waiting longer will probably only make it harder.
Thank you for reassurance. At the moment i’m trying to bite my tongue and looking for a new job so I can save up to move out. I have no vehicle so I’m basically saving for that so I can secretly free myself and my child out of this situation. I have to numb myself and deattach completely. There is just no hope left.
Oh @Tay.dottles , hugs and I wish you the best in finding a new job and a vehicle and being able to get yourself and your child out of the situation you are in.
