hello group…i use to be a member of this page.alot of things happen and I lost touch…some may remember me a apples…i was given a lot of support from this page…
my situation now is I moved out of state from where my daughter that is 25 years old and is mentally ill…with sczioferia…she lives with her bofriend,that gives her no support…meaning he does not work…she is barley making ends meet with her little ssi check…
her living arrangements are horrible…when I was living back in her state I was her main recource…going to appts helping with food,and exc…now I have been in another state for about a month…i like it her but I do miss her along with another daughter that has her hands full with my grandson and going to nursing school…so she doesn’t have much time to help with my daughter that I mentall ill…
my daughter that is mentally ill is about 5 months pergant…she can barely take care of herself,and her needs…do I stay should I go…
keeps going threw my mind…do I let my grandchild go into adoption…some tell me to let her learn responablity…but she has no one really now that iam gone…
her case manger is looking at placement for her if she will just leave her boyfriend…would love to hear any feed back and advice…
Firstly, you said she does not take good care of herself. If pregnant, she should at least be on a prenatal vitamin and getting ongoing prenatal care. What about her sz medications? Some anti-depressants (SSRIs) are considered low-risk to take during pregnancy, but anti-psychotics are a whole other matter when pregnant. Being un-medicated in itself also poses additional concerns too, so it’s important that her OB is aware of her diagnosis.
Ultimately it’s her baby but without adequate financial and emotional support from someone around her (ie. her boyfriend, a family member etc), it will be very difficult to raise a child. My father has sz and from personal experience, I relied on my mother for my care. Father was unable to hold down a job, drive a car, keep track of bills etc. If not for my mother, I don’t think it would have been possible for me to have lived with my father as a child.
Tough situation for you to be in. I’d at least try and find out whether she is getting prenatal care.
thanks for your reply…she does take what meds they allow her to take and her prenatal vitiams as well…she does follow up with appts with her ob.and mental health as well…today I talked to her therapist and they said they could place her in a shelter…but talking with her I think she will refuse to go…i know if I go back to the state she is in I will be caring for her,boyfriend and baby…Iam not well myself and just getting my life back on track…as a mother I have always been there for her.and this is her first time being away from me…
“i know if I go back to the state she is in I will be caring for her,boyfriend and baby.”
Wow, sounds like the boyfriend/baby’s dad needs to man up! He won’t work, and then expects you to take care of the three of them if you move back? Sorry pal, but that’s not your problem! Ugh. Men like that really get my back up.
I guess it depends how much involvement you want to/are able to have in raising your grandchild. If you were willing, would she consider moving back to be with you? Either way, the father is going to be liable to provide child support, so he had probably better start looking for a job!
I’d try and convince her to ditch the boyfriend and consider the shelter. Someone with her diagnosis is in no position to be left living with a baby and a man that is unwilling to pull his weight. It can only make her recovery that much harder and put unnecessary stress on a young infant.
If I were in that position, I think I would need to make it loud and clear to both of them that I wouldn’t be coming across to live there and look after yourself plus two other grown adults and child. As much as you have your daughter’s (and grandchild’s) interests at heart, you weren’t the one who went and got pregnant. If she’s willing to leave the guy and seek alternative accommodation where she’s not left looking after a baby AND a useless man, then I would probably, as a grandparent, be more willing to be a source of support for her.
I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh or uncaring, but from what you’ve described and unless you want to be the mother to this baby, I would opt for adoption. It would be heartbreaking to do, but in my opinion and in the best interest of the baby, there would be no other choice.
My son is 26 yrs old and sz. Everyone’s situation is different, but there is no way on God’s green earth that he could raise a baby. He has trouble even properly caring for our dogs.
Also, I say follow your gut. A mother’s gut feeling will never lead her in the wrong direction.
Best of luck to you and I hope you find peace with whatever decision you and your daughter make.
That’s a really tough call. Is he just a boyfriend or are they married? I’m surprised that they decided to have a baby when they are barely getting by on one ssi check. That must be really hard for you! Does her boyfriend have a family? Maybe they can help, since the baby is their relative too. Of course, the best thing would be if he got a job in order to support the baby.
yes I know if I go back I will be caring for three,boyfriend,daughter,grandchild…it looks like from this point she is goning to refuse going to the shelter.just like I know if I go back she will refuse to leave boyfriend.he is abusive to her and does not work…like I said they live off her little bit of money that she receives…plenty of times I have gotten a house moved her in and then she will become violent at times.and always go back to him.so this is her first time away from me…ive always been there and iam the only one that will be there for her.she has pused other family members away.at times she is the sweetest daughter.and now she calls everyday crying saying she cant live in the condition that she is in.the next day shes in love with boyfriend…iam hoping to get to go back to work in the health care and starting a new life here in another state.yes I dearly miss my family…iam just so worried about my grandchild that I don’t know what will happen…she has mention adoption.but the boyfriend doesn’t want that.at the same time he will not go to work to support his child.thanks all for your responds…may God Bless all of you a I know you all are going threw things also…sussie9092
Hello, how did things work out for you and your family? I just posted a similar post about my sisters pregnancy and maybe caring for the baby myself. Is the baby healthy? Best wishes
The very best situation for the baby would be for her/him to be adopted into a stable mother-father family. That’s the most loving thing that your daughter and your family could do.
If on SSDI, she needs to contact social security and advise she is pregnant. She will get 50% increase in benefits money…This payment is per family, not per child. If she has any other children, the money is split amongst the children.
SSI recipient may get TNAF payment from state for a few year. (Temporary assistance for needy families)…
Can get more aid if they don’t marry.
Male could try to go to unemployment office and talk to the staff about ‘Worker Retraining’. They pay him unemployment money for up to 2 years, pay for a college degree/certification, pay transport, books, etc…Need to remain unmarried and put him down as ‘willing to pay rent’ on any welfare applications if he had any money. This will keep the SSI coming to your daughter & baby, I think.
