You are gaining much wisdom. You can’t stop her from leaving (she is not currently a danger to self or others) but there are things you CAN do. I suggest asking her about her dreams and goals. And maybe to help her identify what it is she is truly seeking. Is it adventure? Escape from the current situation? Etc. Showing interest in what SHE thinks is the first part of LEAP. Then help her walk through the steps of what any one thing would involve. What would that look like and how would she survive? What would be her fallback? Break it down. Let her do the research if needed. Sometimes when a person with SMI realizes all the trouble or complications involved, they convince themselves they no longer have that desire, or that it can be fulfilled in another way. Or she may just drop the idea. But it has to be HER conclusion.
Hi urnotalone,
Love your username by the way. It’s half the battle knowing you’re not alone.
Thanks xxx
Hi buenosaires,
Yes, I struggle with taking care of myself, especially my diet and appearance. Good advice,
thanks xxx
Hi hopeforus,
Yes, I can tell you’ve gone through similar things. It has to be HER idea, walk her through it etc. She’s so sensitive though, almost like a sixth sense.
Thanks for the advice,
xxx
Definitely agree some agencies and doctors could clearly care less! What are they doing to help people properly? My sister has been in a facility for two years and it seems all they do is medicate the patients, so they don’t have to deal with them! Then they can’t even have the decency to return your phone calls when you try to find out any status on her, claiming they never heard my voicemails!!! So frustrating!!! What state are you in we are in NY and mental health care is way below par here!!! Feeling annoyed!!! Hope things get better for ALL of US
Hi Lilman,
I’m in the UK so I guess it’s a worldwide problem. Perhaps though they’re right just to medicate them.
I’m beginning to think of this illness as selfishness run riot or something. I’m sorry if that offends anyone. Sometimes I don’t think my sister is ill at all, just a massive selfish person who would kill someone if she doesnt get her own way. That’s the kind of energy I feel from her. Kind of Hitler like passion, but worse if that’s possible.
We all do it in different ways…
Rage and be angry, at our own anger and also at the deepest, most desperate places of sickening disappointment when we can do nothing…
Rage again and be strong! Rage again! Then laugh foolishly because we survived, just once, and again, Today!
Then chuckle quietly as we roll into submission … and it is only then that we feel the ever so gentle touch of our creator…
He laughs…
Your feelings are not abnormal! We have all had a hard time separating our loved one from the illness.
However, we must learn to look at the PERSON and not the illness. The illness can definitely change the behavior of our loved one. Sometimes, their behavior is the result of delusion or hallucination. It can also be that they realize something is wrong but they aren’t able to realize they are sick, and that frustration (of something wrong that they don’t understand) is taken out on other people. Often, when a person with SZ is in “recovery” (on medication most likely), they are truly embarrassed or appalled to learn of their actions while they were in the throes of sickness.
He laughs??? I’d like to laugh with HIm but I don’t think I’ve gotten his sense of humour yet.
Yes taht’s true, i often wonder if she’ll remember all the mad things she said when she’s better and whether she’ll die of shame. I don’t think so though, because part of me thinks that she knows exactly what she’s doing…because she’s been pushed into a corner and can’t find a way out. And i know that all this isn’t her fault either. I just fucking wish she would stop taking it out on me. She doesn’t think i’m worth anything, that’s why she treats me the way she does. She’s a bitch.
I did reach out and the lady helped greatly. I’m now on antipsychotics myself because I couldn’t take it anymore, not just because of her but because of what has happened to me. If you cna’t beat them, join them.
I’m getting very close myself… I identify. Thoroughly.
The antipsychotics are a life saver. The rage has gone and I’m sleeping better. My issues aren’t all to do with my sister at all. In fact, I thoroughly understand why she is the way she is. I just wish she wouldn’t take it out on me.
This interesting turn of events, ie, the fact that I’m now on the same medication as her plus antidepressants (which she is not on) has thrown a spanner in the works for her. I can now defer her concretly by saying, “I’m on the same medication as you - leave me alone”.
I’m so glad you’re taking steps to support yourself. Sometimes we have to go through a struggle to see the clarity in our own situation. You are a strong person.
Mrsbigsky,
I really don’t feel it. I’ve left my flat and moved away from her. She’s evil to me. Hopefully now I can see where I go from here.
The illness is not her; it is the illness. Until we (family and loved ones) figure that out and do the often hard work to learn about the illness and seek help, we can’t expect a better life for them or for us. Suggestions are the classic “Surviving Schizophrenia: A Family Manual” by E. Fuller Torrey, attend a NAMI Family Support Group (many are virtual right now…look up NAMI.org and NAMI in your State), and NAMI’s Family to Family Class; the book “I’m Not Sick; I Don’t Need Help”)
I disagree. She has just kicked me. She isn’t having an episode. She lied and said, “It was just a tap,” knowing rightly that it was harder than a mere tap.
I think I’m personally being taken for a fool by her, used as a punchbag. She’s a grandiose narcicisst who uses the label schizophrenic to get what she wants. She’s evil. It’s as simple as that I’m afraid. If I had a way to get away from her abuse, I would. I’m so sick of her behaviour towards me. I wish that God would intervene and do something to help me because I can’t take being humiliated by her any more.
I thought you moved out? If you don’t want to be involved in her life, there are ways to establish boundaries. You don’t have to take her phone calls or texts, for example. However, denying that someone has a mental illness will never solve the problem. Mental illnesses ARE real illnesses that often masquerade as bad behavior (and it can be difficult to discern the difference). If you are not able to take care of yourself and do the hard work to help her, there is a reality to that. You have to take the oxygen mask yourself before you can save someone else, as they say.
Hi hope4us,
I cleared it up. She kicked me because I hadn’t answered a question she had asked me a fewd days before. Yeah, I know, you’re right. I’m just failing at being a good sister to her. I don’t know how to help her. Just frustrating. I could never leave her in someone else’s hands because they haven’t a clue how to talk to her. It would take a very special man to take care of her. I hope and pray that one day she finds one. Unfortunately, I don’t think there is one… not yet anyway. Sometimes I think I’m the one with the problem and not her.
Your feelings and your reactions to her illness are completely understandable and normal. But they may not be helpful to either of you. Seriously, if you want to help yourself and/or help her, see if you can find and attend a NAMI Family to Family CLASS (different from the Family Support Group, although that is a good resource, too). Especially now, there are NAMI F2F Classes being offered (or will be offered yet this year) in may places via Zoom. You don’t even have to live locally to the NAMI group that is meeting if it is via Zoom.