Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Anyone feel like a burden?


#1

hey guys thanks so much for the support its super helpful knowing someone understands somewhat of what im going through. i wanted to explain more in depth of the situation i am in, and hopefully itll help writing about it and get some support. alrighty so im 17 now which is rough as it is but my mom has struggled with TONS of medical issue regarding physical health and way back when had a life altering back surgery and she had gotten addicted to the pain medication she was on. after years of her being “checked out” because the constant high she was on she got admitted to a hospital for almost overdosing and we got her off of the medication. about three years ago she started developing auditory and visual hallucinations and not until last year got her the help she needed and was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, but she only got that help because i stopped her from committing suicide. she is now on medication which is helpful but she often gets off of it because she doesnt think she has schizophrenia. while in the hospital she broke her foot and got on that same medication that she was addicted to years ago, and currently is addicted to now. im honestly having such a hard time but feel like i cant talk to anyone because im such a burden to those who know about my mom because i feel as though im constantly complaining. im really close with my church leader, she is practically my mom hahah but i feel bad because she has her own family and i shouldnt be hanging on her shoulder all the time. i just constantly feel as if im just a burden to people. im just having a really hard time and dont know if i will find comfort anytime soon which is hard. i grew up without a mom basically, she is just a constant reminder of all the hardships ive been through. my life has been based on my mom and how shes feeling, i dont even talk to her anymore even though i live with her and its so hard. i have alot of resentment towards her even though i know most of it is not her fault. also im just curious if any of you are drawn to movies or shows that remind you of yours or a loved ones mental illness? sorry for complaining so much and thanks for the support


#2

@Rspan,
Yes, I understand the feeling of being a burden. We deal with extreme situations and it sounds like you have carried a burden with your mom for most of your life. Your childhood was compromised because of your mom’s health, addiction and illness.
As you are now of age to be an adult, what are your options with your mom? It just doesn’t seem fair for you to not have a chance to experience a normal routine.
May I suggest that you take a college class or some time for yourself. Take an art class or dance, we all need healthy distractions from our dismal life.
I admire your dedication to your mom and understand the resentment. You would benefit from some counseling or classes on MI. You sound very intelligent from you writing, so I would guess you are probably on the right path.
This life is not easy and it is burdensome, why some of us have more burden than others, I’m not sure, but to me it’s just not fair.
I question the suffering God has given me everyday and sometimes there is no comfort. Hang in there, AnnieNorCal
P.S. some days are better than others, find those moments and chairsh them.
Edit: yes I watch movies that relate to my sons situation.


#3

Dear Rspan, yes, I feel that way at times.

I’m glad you are close to your church leader. She would probably love to help you in any way she could, including connecting you with some counseling or something to help you get through this time, as well as spending time with her and your church family.

Which movies and shows have you liked that have characters with mental illness? I loved the show River from Netflix. A book I liked a lot is called “Everything Here is Beautiful.” Also, “Where the Moon Isn’t” and “Challenger Deep” are good books. All the books are fiction…


#4

@rspan
How are you doing today?Just thought I would share with you about my son. Lou is currently awaiting a competency hearing. Lou was in an auto accident, he suffers from TBI which led to an assualt. He does not remember any of the events before the accident or the assualt. He is facing some serious charges and is incompetent. My burden is I cannot help Lou, my family and I are completely at the mercy of the court system, which I would like you all to know has been very gracious and compassionate.
We pray, and we wait…AnnieNorCal


#5

Not sure why you would be considered a burden in your situation. Any reasonable person would see that you were placed in an extraordinarily difficult scenario at a young age. A 17 year old being placed in this environment and expected to accept responsibility for his own Mom. I can imagine you might feel confused- angry as hell- scared and stressed at what’s going on at home.

I’m pretty sure I understand your feelings though. When I’ve been around crazy family behavior growing up- I tried to make myself small. Out of the way. Helpful. I just wanted to do what I could to uplift my family members because they always seemed anxious or depressed. There wasn’t any time for my own feelings of frustration or anger because I didn’t want to upset anyone. -Appearing selfish. As long as you know that your Mom’s behavior isnt personal. The illness isn’t your fault and you can’t force your Mom to look after herself.
Sorry you have to go through this.


#6

You’re a strong warrior, and you’re not a burden. You need a support system too. If they are there for you let them be, being overwhelmed cause you to feel like a burden at times. I am so sorry your journey has been so rough, I pray you keep your strength and courage. I feel you could us some YOU time, help heal your self. Try some crafts or a day spa. Try looking up DIYs for your hair and skin , and pamper your self. Some times writing is a good release, find what you have passion for, and lose your self in it for a little while. This has been a great place too, lot of caring people on a similar journey, giving love and support. Keep your head up, sending prayers and love your way​:heart::heart::heart:


#7

I’m sorry you have had so much to adapt to at time in your life when you needed to be nurtured. This is a safe format to speak and find support for yourself. The family is always affected by their loved ones illness. As a mother of a son with schizophrenia the trials are endless. I can only imagine being a child needing love, direction and stability from a parent and not having it consistently. It’s the illness not your mother’s lack of love. I admire your love and devotion to your mother. It can be difficult communicating with a family member when they can’t see the need for help. Don’t give up. Give yourself the right to forgive and let go of anger and resentment so you can attain your highest sense of peace in your heart.