Unless I were a multi-millionaire who could afford world class excellent treatment for years and the body guards to drag my family member to a secure facility, I would never try to get guardianship for a person who has an active meth abuse problem and who becomes dangerous to me.
Guardians cannot direct or determine medical care, only talk to doctors and consent to treatment. A legal guardian does not have the power to keep someone in the hospital when insurance and hospital policy/doctors’ opinions determines it’s time for discharge. Guardians cannot force medication into people’s bodies. They cannot prevent meth use.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through @Sheyelo. I hope you can protect yourself and re-gather your strength and peace for your own going forward.
Hi @Sheyelo – When my daughter was using drugs a several years ago I did not allow her in my house. I don’t feel guilty for doing it because as long as she was using drugs any type of psychiatric treatment and medicine will not work. I hope your son will eventually agree to get help for his drug or alcohol addiction.
As parents we are not required to risk our own lives for our children. Our lives are also valuable. Also think how your son would feel if he seriously hurt you and God forbid kill you. He would end up in prison for years and live the guilt of killing his own mother. He still needs you but perhaps you can think of this of your son learning boundaries and he will eventually understand that. My daughter learned she could not be around me when she’s using drugs or alcohol to self-medicate.
I’m so sorry Sheyelo, but I really do believe it. I would do like I did and call again. The very next day I got two sympathetic officers who suggested they take my son in. I don’t know what they said but he actually asked them to him to the hospital to talk to someone. Hang in there and I agree that they do not make it easy for family. You got this and they are idiots. Good luck.
You must have gotten the right people today - some CIT officers who were trained and cared enough to take their job seriously.
Did you write down their names so you can ask for them if you need help again?
Tell ER you will not take him back as he is a danger to you and himself. Insist they get a psychiatrist to do a assessment now for commitment. Every ER should have a psychiatrist on standby-you may have to ask & insist. They need to hear you insist & keep saying he is a danger to you, he threatens you & you believe he will hurt you. y I was told by our ER that if you don’t do this, they won’t do anything. Stay strong and on course. In Hawaii, once he’s committed, the fact that he’s a danger to others means they (the medical staff at the hospital/mental ward) can request a judge to hold him for 30+ more days. Check what your state laws say. My husband was in for 3 weeks and they were going to court to hold him longer because I insisted he couldn’t go home till he was compliant on medication that worked. Fortunately, the meds kicked in, he agreed to the terms of staying on them and we didn’t go to court. But a lot of what happens depends on what you say and standing your ground.
I had to learn the hard way, but thanks to the great advice & experience of those in this forum, I got help for my husband and I know I can do it again.
Its been 3 months and he’s still taking his monthly shot of Abilify and seeing his psychiatrist every 2 weeks (his choice-he worries he will get involved with his voices again and wants the reassurance that he’s doing well). The 1st month the voices had quieted, but the 2nd month they were back and he’s involved again, but not violent as the Abilify is a mood stabilizer and is working. I’m ok with this as long as he’s happy, taking his meds, and seeing his psychiatrist. I will have to leave him if he stops - and he knows that. But I won’t go far. Once he got stable, He was horrified that he threatened me. And I know things can still go south-keeping my fingers crossed! And ready to do it again if necessary-1st time was the hardest. I wish I didn’t wait so long to take the steps to force his commitment, but I kept thinking the psychiatrist, the medical staff, the ER would see the obvious and do it. They did eventually but I had to make a fuss and not budge.
I have guardianship and have not gotten a call yet from the social worker or hospital. I called yesterday and was told I needed a PIN number in order to see him or for them to tell me if he was there. I wanted to drop clothing off and she said we provide clothing here. Visiting hours are Saturday and Sunday only at this facility.
I plan to call and fax guardianship papers today and request a phone call from his social worker.
My son left a message late at night and was calm but very groggy. I haven’t heard from him since which is different. Guardianship is the only way I would be able to get any info. I’ll keep you posted.
I just called and he has to give me his PIN number in order to speak to him. No exceptions. She said she would tell him I called and has that he call and give me his pin. Even if I am his legal guardian and I faxed the paperwork to the unit? Yes, we cannot give out any information without the PIN number. Makes sense I guess.
Admissions should provide you the pin number because of your guardianship (at the hospital my son has been at multiple times, it is the last 4 digits of his admission number on his armband.)
Here they have to call you and give it to you. I guess it is for their benefit. His caseworker told him to call me with that info. They have good relationship. She said she is seeing a lot of anxiety and thinks he has PTSD. That would explain the sudden outbursts. She is going to encourage therapy.
It sounds to me like he will most likely be sent to the psych ward after they evaluate his medical condition in the ER, if you have been honest with them regarding the incident. Once he is there, you need to work in concert with the physicians and counselors. If you are afraid to have him live with you, there are housing alternatives that he can do. These places usually have a long waiting list, but clients are moved to the top of the list if they are an inpatient in a psych ward. Be involved with the staff. Once the counselor contacts you, this is your chance to get the information and assistance getting the help that is out there. Do not just take the roll of a visitor. Even if he does not sign the forms to share information with you, the information you give them will help them to assess him. My son does not usually remember what he has done or tell them everything. When on the psych unit, he most often sits quietly and says nothing. When asked, he usually tells them he feels “fine”. This is not because he is trying to trick them, it’s because he is paranoid and doesn’t trust the health care workers. Without the information I provide, they have nothing else to go on besides his quiet, solitude behavior. These units are not meant for housing patients for very long. that’s why you need to take this opportunity to find an alternative housing and treatment plan.
He walked home! Did you just leave him there? Did you talk to the ER doctors and tell them the situation? If left to the patient, the truth doesn’t come out, at least not the reality of the situation. My son’s reality and mine are quite different. You have to take a proactive roll. As the saying goes, “If you re not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.”
Yes, he was admitted on Tuesday and yesterday gave us the pin number so that we could talk to him I did talk to Social Worker and I have him on a list for a group home and I can see many benefits in that.
Now I have to talk to him about going and negotiate the terms of him coming home if he does in fact come here. I’m going to have similar boundaries no matter where he goes. I like the home because it is close to therapy and treatment. They are expected to take meds and there are no exceptions.
I recommend talking to a social worker at the hospital. Get him in a program with a caseworker who can guide him to a group home. My son is also dual diagnosis, and while he does relapse, he toes the line pretty well in order to keep getting the suboxone therapy.
The blame is not on your shoulders or his. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Finding fault with yourself for something you have almost no control over is not the answer, though. Stay strong and be kind to yourself!
Yes is talked with her Friday and she said he would be releases Tuesday or Wednesday. I filled out paper work for him to go to a group home with support. He has to attend all group sessions. I saw him yesterday and he was out there. I now have to call social worker and tell her what he told me. They found he was spitting his meds in the sink. He can sort out the AP and hold it in his mouth. He did that at home also. He will have to take his meds no matter where he goes.
I’m very glad to hear that at least the wheels are in motion. He needs your strong advocacy.
I wonder why he hasn’t received the monthly injection of antipsychotic?
My thoughts are with you. I have been there.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Been there done that. One suggestion for NAMI class was to keep a log of ever time you call the police, go to the ER, meds he is taking, places he has been (and for how long). Sometimes they see I today as an isolated situation. Give them the written history and maybe they will see it in a different light. Keep the log current so that you know what meds worked better than others and which made things worse. My prayers are with you. You don’t have to live in fear… you do need to fight for the help he needs. I hope you get some answers soon for your own sainty. Hugs!