Me (21) and my boyfriend (20) have been together for a little over a year. He has been diagnosed with shizphrenia, bipolar disorder and he also told me that the psychiatrist said he had sociopathic tendencies (not feeling empathy) etc.
In this last year I’ve tried to be there for him and support him, but it’s been taking a toll on me. I am a very emotional person and most of the time he seems emotionless and like he doesn’t care for me at all. He’s also said some very hurtful and done some hurtful things. He once told me to stop crying og he’ll smack me, when confronted with it later he said he was in an episode and wasn’t in his right mind and that he regrets it. When I cry and I am upset he just stares at me, no love, no hugs, nothing. He also lied to me about using drugs (he was a heavy psychedelics user once, now he just uses cocaine and weed)
I feel so alone in this relationship because we aren’t close at all. He doesn’t let anyone in,refuses to talk about his emotions and doesn’t take his medication every day, for reference he takes something called quetiapine. And most of you will say to me just leave, I am scared of leaving because he is suicidal. He has had these thoughts before and even has cuts on his arms from the past.
He told me a couple weeks ago that he doesn’t see a future for himself because his schizophrenia only gets worse with age and it’s chronic. I love him and it hurts hearing him say that. I want to be there and help him but it seems that he has given up on himself. He doesn’t believe in therapy and only takes his meds when its necessary. I am scared of breaking up with him because what if he does something stupid, also i feel bad for him I don’t want to make his life worse.
I really need some truthful advice, I don’t know what to do, should I stay and hope he gets better? Should I leave ?
I think you need to take care of yourself first. I read something recently about the oxygen bags that drop down in airplanes. The pre-flight training says to put it on your own face first before helping someone like a child or disabled person sitting next to you. The reason is that you can’t be of any help unless you are functionable yourself.
The book that is usually recommended is https://www.amazon.com/dp/0985206705/. ( I Am Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help! How to Help Someone Accept Treatment) If he does have SMI (Serious Mental Illness) then he should be seeing a psychiatrist and getting on a regular treatment plan, which will most likely include meds like quetiapine. Quetiapine (Seroquel) and Olanzapine stopped my son from having psychotic episodes. After a person is stabilized the dose will be reduced.
I’m going to be honest that there doesn’t seem to be much reason for you to stay in this relationship other than you not wanting to hurt him. All you are doing is hurting yourself.
He needs to take the steps to make himself well, you can’t do that for him. He’s also taking steps to make himself worse. It’s like you’re trying to bail out the boat while he keeps pulling the plug out of the bottom. Anyone with an SZA diagnosis should absolutely not be using THC or cocaine. That’s like putting a match to lighter fluid as far as his mania and psychosis is concerned. He’s actively working against achieving stability.
I will counter that the antipsychotic medications do give people a flat affect, but my XH was like that with low empathy even without antipsychotics, so I also think it can happen due to the locked in feelings that can come with bipolar depression and schizophrenia.
Using the threat of commiting suicide to keep someone in a relationship is a form of emotional abuse. There is lots of guidance on what to do in this situation if you google it, but the general consensus is to get his support network lined up before you leave (family, friends, etc) and then go. If he threatens then call 911 for a wellness check. It sucks and it’s horrible but it’s possible to extricate yourself from this if you want to do so.
I am so sorry u are going througb this.i am going through exactly the same. My partner can be horrible and says some things that would shock the pope. But ghe following morning its as if his brain has been wiped. He also doesnt vare if i cry he calls me a beach whale un pretty nd everything. I am also sick of trying to help him.
Well been woke up thiis morning to glass all over the floor and him dressed nd leaving ne.
I am now alone in a strange country. I swear i dont know how to feel.
He has gad his medication nd i still getting called fat and ugly.
I wish the nan i fell head iver heals for would come back to me
Just my opinion ; if you cannot handle or do not accept a long struggle with disappointment and abuse, you should move far away and change your phone number. If he bothers you , get a restraining order to protect yourself.