It’s been two months since my husband left me unexpectedly. He contacted me once to remove his card from an acct and immediately blocked me before I could answer. I’ve seen his socials and he’s been commenting the most disgusting things on women’s pictures, going back to July. Which means he was doing this while we were “fine”. I feel like I’m truly at the end. I’m over here suffering, no presents for my daughter for Christmas, working to stay in our home, and he’s living off his parents, commenting on women’s socials and probably sending D! Pics to them. I don’t know what to do. Someone help. I was fine. I was better. Now I’m lost all over.
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im going thru the same thing with my wife, shes not active on social media shes more or less isolating but left us the same way started hating me out of nowhere
delusions , hallucinations , etc. now living off her parents, no job no money, she did accept help recently and seems to be recovering she still hates me going on 9 months now (she did accept help 3 weeks ago) so im just hoping maybe reality is setting in slowly for her
i feel your pain
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I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s definitely not for the weak. I actually finally heard from him on the 24th, apparently he had been trying to message me all month but I had him blocked. Unfortunately that was the only way to have any type of power over my own life during the time, sometimes you just need your own peace. It was driving me insane looking at my phone to see if he finally reached out. Idk why I unblocked him too but I did. He was amazing that night, I did notice his speech pattern was all over the place and very fast, unfortunately his dog did pass away and he’s spiraling from that. ( long story short, if you haven’t read my story, his brother passed last June 2023, his family wanted to “keep him ok” and didn’t tell him for about 4 hours, then nobody picked him up, they made him uber to their house and just said something bad happened. He thought his mom died. He gets there to crime scene and coroner, big brother opens the door and middle brother was dead in the living room, uncovered. Dead for hours. ) this was the first close death he’s ever had. We had just talked about it 2 weeks earlier. That sent him back into psychosis after being good for almost 5 years. Unfortunately his parents would rather keep him shut in than actually get him help until he needs to be committed. He didn’t take all his meds and says he’s “fine without ect” he’s not. He blocked me again yesterday and i emailed him and said im tired and blocking him. He then messaged me asap and was like “I didn’t block you” then proceeded to ramble through text while I was trying to sleep because, work. Nothing from him today, I’m probably blocked again but I’m just too damn sad and tired to find out. I was going to text his sister with my findings but they’ve treated me like an outcast since he’s been gone. We don’t exist to them, even though they were “grandma and grandpa” only when it suits them I guess. Sorry but I’m so sad for my love.
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It is difficult when family want to find a reason for the illness and they start distancing from the spouse because they think it might be them. Unfortunately there is not much you can do about it. You might find if things really get out of control they might suddenly call upon you. The family potentially have some power to speak up on your behalf, particularly if your husband is susceptible to suggestion. I would definitely try not to let any resentment show and just stick it out for now. If he starts acting out too much he is going to end up in hospital, and once he is stabilized you may get a window of opportunity to have a more rational conversation with him. It is sad that he seems to be flying under the radar at present. Can you remind me which state you reside in and which state he is currently residing in, please?
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You’re so right, I did try and reach out to his brother again today, only thr second time, months apart so definitely not “bugging him” but of course, no response even after I told him that he reached out to me and I was very concerned. This seems to be more of a bipolar manic episode he’s having, but who even knows at this point. I’m in Texas and he is back home in California. He did not take enough medication and he says “I’m fine without ECT i promise” so sad because the love is so apparent but he’s so lost in everything else that he just reminds me of pig pen from the peanuts cartoons, just walking around with that cloud of dirt all around him, but instead it’s his thoughts and emotions just all a big mess.
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It might be worth making sure you are familiar with code 5150, which is the California state law that provides for detention and evaluation of people suffering severe mental illness problems. It is interesting as their definition goes beyond the normal question of whether they pose a threat to the safety of themselves and others, but extends to “Gravely disabled – Unable to take care of food, clothing, and housing needs.”
I have not had to secure hospitalization for my wife in that state, but my approach would be this: I would set a line with their behaviour. Once they cross it I would then be contacting the family and say that you have a concern that this is getting to the point where there needs to be a hospital stay and that the impact on the family must be getting too much. Tell them this illness can creep up on people and sometimes you need an outsider with a different perspective to evaluate them. Hopefully you can get their buy in, but I would then contact the county mental health department or the police, say that there has been gradual but devastating decline in your husbands mental state, that he has now clearly crossed the line where he is able to look after himself. I would say he is clearly being propped up by their family. And if you hear anything from him that would indicate he is a threat to himself or others, include that too. He ideally needs a proper welfare check. It might be that they deem him to be well enough to carry on with his current living arrangement without further intervention, but you would at least be getting the ball rolling. You just need to be very cautious how you deal with the family, as they might be apportioning blame for his condition on you and see it as going over their heads, even though you are the next of kin.
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