Hello to all and thank-you for taking the time to read this, as I have many of yours here recently. I am a 48 year old single father that is engaged to a woman 17 years younger, who was placed on lifetime disability several years before our relationship began two years ago. Her current diagnosis as far as I know is depression, anxiety and bi-polar, all of which seem to be rather apparent. What is clearly lacking however and being firmly resisted is a diagnosis for schizophrenia, which is both apparent and increasing.
Actually having known this woman (although not very well prior to our relationship) since she was born and her family extremely well, I personally believe the root cause is past trauma. It’s an incredibly complicated but also genuinely wholesome story the details of which can be expanded upon later, but meantime as someone who has often been asked for guidance regarding relationships and family matters, I have no longer have any answers for myself and the ever increasing hell that seems to be encompassing my and most importantly my son’s life to some extent as well.
Also for the record she does have four prescriptions, including Adderall, Klonopin, Quetiapine Fumarate and another anti-anxiety I can’t recall at the moment.
I have read much here and now have tremendous empathy for anyone who is going through this utter nightmare, and I also know there are no easy answers. I think our biggest stumbling block is her family not insisting she get help because they are all in a state of despair and chaos for various reasons themselves and have no time for her condition, yet only they likely have the ability to make her face the music and admit that perhaps there is a reason for her obvious paranoia.
As you can likely imagine I’m always to blame when something goes missing, even though the same thing or things do so often and she of course always finds them. Yet when it goes missing again, it’s obviously me who must be to blame. Yes her phone is hacked, yes she occasionally thinks a car is following her or someone is watching in a car parked outside. She is convinced I’m having an affair with my son’s mother, which is beyond the pale of absurdity. We both drink but personally I never get drunk and moderate myself. She has recently begun sneaking vodka home from trips to the doctor or store and this has added to the problem significantly while causing some very difficult evenings.
For now we are separated and she is back at her mother’s home, which is a terrible, high stress, negative environment for her to be in. We talk but she is growing more angry and apprehensive of with me over smaller things. Also while she is a paradox of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and also the most faithful and loving I’ve ever been so fortunate to call,my own, she is also the one who thinks I’m up to no good if I get out of bed at night or is convinced out of nowhere that I’m trying to have her arrested and her benefits taken away.
I’ve never had to let someone I love go, as they always let me go. I’m also extremely faithful and hyper-sentimental, so turning my back on her seems an impossible option and I know that she loves me as much as I love her. But I feel like I am dying inside and cheating my son out of a better life, so I have to find a way through this intensely dark place. While I did get custody of my son his mother was the devil and I stayed alone to raise my son for just under 10 years. Totally alone, no dating. Only one week after first spending time alone with my now fiancee did she move in from her father’s house and we have been together ever since.
I say this for context, as now the indescribably beautiful (inside and out) woman who did the impossible and allowed me to trust, is slowly fading away into what I know will be a worse life and I’m helpless to stop it. Or to know if I should even keep trying.
Guessing that maybe if anyone can relate to this kind of thing and can offer either advice or even just a scenario they were in that “resolved” itself to some meaningful extent I’d be eternally grateful. Nothing will give me a false hope now, I’ve tried to use logic and reason over and over and over and things are just getting worse. Still I love her dearly and will hold out hope for now because to me there is no other way yet.
Thank-you again for any and all help,