Don't think I can take anymore

I don’t think I can take it anymore , I use to be a happy bubbly person waking up to an angry person every day is taking its toll on me. There is no happiness anymore. I wake up smile because the man I love is next to me, I roll over and he is looking at me with hate in his eyes, it feels horrible. I’m at work and he will message me how much he misses me, how he can’t wait till I come home and I get home and he ignores me. No kiss or cuddle, he just says I’m watching TV. If I bring something up he just gets angry. I never know what is going to set off his disapproval , It could be anything I say or do. I’ve never had argumentative relationship s, but he says I like to argue. I just feel like I’m turning into a bad person. I love this man so much but doubt my strength in dealing with his schizophrenia. I’m unhappy. I don’t want to leave him but I fear I will have to to find my strength and happiness again. Also my children miss out on so much of me because of mine and his need to be focused on each other. I wish there was some magic that would make this all disappear.
I would like to add that he refuses to let me have anything to do with the doctors or treatment. I feel like I’m in this alone.
Psychological, he won’t give up marijuana either

You’re not turning into a bad person…None of that is you’re doing from what you say. It sounds like these are all his issues. It’s really hard when there are kids involved too.
The thing is you can’t make anyone do anything, so it presents a dilemma…
Sometimes all you can do is pray in such situations, as it seems you are trying in all other areas.
The use of weed over time can lead to isolation and getting stuck in paranoid thinking. Sounds like some of this may be paranoid thinking, like saying you like to argue but aren’t arguing…

If you are not getting what you need from the relationship and you are not liking who you are becoming then I think that needs to be looked at.

Perhaps you need to find something for yourself. A hobby or something outside of the home that you can take pleasure in. You are a person outside of being a partner and mother and it sounds like you need some attention.

**Sz is a hard thing to deal with–for everyone involved. It can be especially hard if you are dealing with this alone. Do you belong to a support group? Is your family-or his in on this? Your kids would have to be the first priority. This illness sometimes make you feel like you are walking on eggshells around the person. Have you tried contacting a NAMI group in your area?