Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Fear of Losing Dad


#1

I’m 51, old enough you would think to be able to face life on my own. But I can’t. My dad drives me to numerous doctor appointments and while we are out we usually go to stores and buy something to eat. My dad is my biggest champion. He emails to me every day and if something is broken; he can usually fix it (although due to his age, he doesn’t do quite as much as he used to. I see my dad aging. And I know he could go at any time. I’m terrified to lose him I love my mom too but she and I never got along as well as my dad and me. I feel like I will not l be able to face life anymore when my dad goes. I pray that God will take me before he takes my dad.

Because of my mental and physical illnesses I am reliant on my dad.
Do any of you feel this scared about losing a parent or some other family member?


#2

I’m the same with my mum. Although I have a husband, when he’s at work most days I see her all day and we go food shopping and do everything together. She’s 70. Smoked all her life. Very active and capable. She’s everything to me, I hardly have friends, I have schiz and I’m aspergers


#3

I can relate to what you are saying but the difference between you and me is that I am a 53 year old female that gets along great with my mom and I consider her as not only my mom but my best friend. My relationship with my father is just the opposite and I too worry what would happen if mom dies before dad.


#4

My dad just quit smoking and started an exercise routine, he’s also eating really smart. I worry the same thing so I know he worries about his heart. I think I nudged him in the right direction, but he made up his mind he has to quit smoking. He started Chantix and so far it’s been a miracle, he hasn’t smoked since being on it. I try not to smoke around him and conceal them. I should quit too, in fact I really want to.


#5

My father is soon 80 years old and he is at the elderly care facility. I lived with him many years after I had arrived back at Finland from my 13-year American and world journeys. In the 2000s I saved his life many times, once even gave him the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on the floor of the library. I took him to the hospital at least 32 times in the 2000s. I do not feel scared about losing him, when it will be his time, it will be his time. Many people whom I met in the 2000s have died. Once, when my father had come back to his home after one month in the hospital, his childhood friend wanted to see him, because they thought my father would die, now this friend is dead, but my father still is alive. The life is weird sometimes. My advice is not to be scared of the death.


#6

Imagine the worst thing that can happen after the death of your father to you and for sure sth better than that will happen to you so you will not be worry about yourself any more, and about your father, being with you is sth good for him and even in the worst condition you can help him at least at home and just the presence of you makes him strong and happy,briefly don’t worry about yourself and be sure that you are helpful to him, out of the world of " being worry about yourself" things are not as terrible as they seem.


#7

I"m not so much scared of what will happen to me after my dad is gone (although I WILL miss his help around my house…my husband is useless in that regard). I am married, so to some degree my husband will help me (although not much…but that’s another story) I just am afraid of how much I will miss him,. I know we are both going to heaven and who knows, maybe I’ll get there first…I know I will see him again. But in the interim I will greatly miss him.


#8

This question makes me ponder, and in the pondering, I think I’m doing better. If you would have asked me this two years ago I would have said that “If my kid sister ever died, I would succeed in clocking out of this life with in a month of her leaving me.”

But now, yes it would be a pain so beyond my imagining that I would need so much help to get past it, but I don’t think I would throw away all her hard work. I don’t think I would just immediately take the final exit.


#9

i feel the same way. My mom is young in her sixties but she is my everything. I can drive but i have no friends and i’m not super close to my siblings so i would have no one. It makes me very sad and scared for the future. :frowning:


#10

I learned a trick in the early 1990s in Atlanta how to go over deaths and other bad events that happen in people’s lives. My thesis advisor told me about the crisis/depression/recovery curve that people go through when they face the death of their relatives or loveones. I learned that I do not need to go through this curve at all, but I can jump over the depression phase and not to grieve at all. This may sound quite emotionless and even ignorant, but this is what I have learnt. Often I have told people that I listen some happy music to lift my spirits, when deaths occur. I do not like to go to funerals and although many people whom I have known in the 2000s have died, the last time I was in a funeral was in 1989, two months before I went to America. Here is some example of music I listen, when deaths occur:


#11

I have read some old religious books such as ‘Muukalaisen Kotielämä’ in Finnish, one could translate this to ‘An Alien’s Homelife’. It has a lot of wisdom and good understandings and was published in 1898 (the 5th edition), a year before my grandfather was born in Viborg. The book has many good prayers for the morning, the evening, special events and so on. For example, in one evening prayer (each weekday has its own) the book writes that the alien thanks the God and Jesus Christ for all material value and other human life the person has received during the day in this our material world, but in the same prayer the book tells how the alien is also equally happy, if during the night the God chooses the person to exit this material world and rise to the Kingdom of the God and Jesus Christ to be next to them in this Kingdom. It is a good book that I used many years ago and made my own notes in it. Because it was published during the Imperial Russia, it has also a prayer for the protection of the Imperium and the Grand Duke.


#12

I have that fear as well about losing my parents, they are the only real friends in my life, the people who can take my stupid actions and be understanding when I’m angry, no one can live with my madness I guess, and if I lose them it’s going to be like I lost half of my body, I wish for them to live as long as possible happy and healthy…My fears worsen when I notice them grow old…I don’t know what to tell you locamotion, it’s a fact we can’t run away from.


#13

Mourn for the dead, not the living. Nothing can prepare you for a parents death, no matter if it is expected or not.
Use the time available to share happiness, laughter and strength with him rather than burdening him with worries he cant change now or when he is gone. Give him the gift of knowing you will survive, no matter what, it will give him much comfort and peace knowing he did a good job as a parent. What more could a parent ask for than a happy child?
You are much stronger than you think, don’t underestimate the will to live.
The spirit has incredible strength in times of need.


#14

I like the thought of giving him that gift…but just don’t know if I can do it honestly. …I’ve already told him he’s not allowed to die. :wink: I do see him every chance I get and we email each other every day.
I will have to think more about what you wrote. It has the ring of truth.


#15

Thankyou Csummersx

beautifully put


#16

im curious how old is your dad?

i think you are man enough, too understand the concept of life.
he doesnt die, he would be forever in your heart,

i wish you all the best and strenght i can give you


#17

My parents are aging as well, sure I think about them and their health. This is a morbid thought, but a very real issue for me.
I don’t like or I don’t think I could go to someones funeral, even if it’s one of my parents. The process would surely destabilize me. This is something I am going to discuss with my therapist.


#18

Wave,

I am in the same way, I do not like funerals. Back in 2007 my father’s brother and sister died within two weeks and they had one funeral for both and I did not take my father there, because I thought it could psychologically weaken my father and cause his death, his brother was 68 and sister about 65, my father is soon 80 years old. I suppose due to my experiences I want to have only nice and good experiences. I value people’s lives when they live, but dead people have no value, once I took a razor blade and cut my wrists and waited the death coming, but something inside me made it to stop before the death arrived. I like the life and living people.

mjseu


#19

My dad is 73.
And Alias: I am female BTW.Thank you for your good wishes to me.


#20

@mjseu I also don’t see the sense in going to a funeral home and paying respects to a corpse. It sounds a bit off mark, but I just don’t see the point. The dead person is no longer there, you are reliving the tragedy over again. Other people will be there, I don’t get a long with some of them etc… It is crowded - the crying, the mourning, it would never end.
I want the last memory of my loved ones to be positive and light filled, not dark and gloomy. My take on it anyway.