Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Getting tired of husband with sz

I keep going back and forth with my husband. He has a lot of negative symptoms, poverty of thought, won’t initiate anything, is slow thinking, have to help him with scheduling things, help him think through problems. I used to do these things freely, and didn’t mind doing them because I loved him. But lately I have been thinking I am tired of doing these things for him, and his mother keeps calling me to remind him of things. I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life. It makes me sad and depressed. I feel I am being drained of energy. I think I need to set a boundary. I am going today to drop off some things to him, then I am going home and won’t see him for 2 weeks. (We live separately) I need to heal and take a break.

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Drain it right, 5 star hotel, great food, get liquered up, gang bang 4 or 5 young studs, works for me… lol

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I hear you! My husband is a lot more functional than yours, but still quite prone to paranoia about me, so I am walking on eggshells all the time. It is exhausting.

I’ve been thinking about what I need for 2020 and whether my staying in the house is helping at this point vs. just prolonging an untenable long-term situation.

Because his family lives quite far away, there is no one but me to buy him food etc. as he is housebound with delusions/paranoia and I am starting to wonder whether my presence is making it too easy for my husband, his family and his psychiatrist to persist in this very long course of passive waiting for things to somehow get better.

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Sounds like you need a break. Also space to do things that you enjoy in life. Is there anyone that can take part in spending a day a week with him while you go and do something on your own and try to build your life a little more.
I understand completely how this journey makes you feel depressed and it is hard to get your own life working.
Sending love to you xx

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Exhausting and draining and depressing is so right on. My MI partner has struggled with organization and planning to the point where his environment and personal hygiene were a great concern in the past. Planning anything to get done or what most of us consider common sense were/can be difficult. I used to think he’d be messing with me and it took awhile for me to realize some things he just really wasn’t getting at all. It’s gotten better with practice and I try and remind myself how far we’ve come and try to feel blessed for small accomplishments. Not always easy. Reminding myself that he’s sick but also not allowing it to be an excuse for downright wrong behavior. It’s a balance. It’s exhausting and it gets tough to practice empathy when we feel there’s zero in return.

I have been trying to set boundaries with my sz husband…How do you manage this? I have tried everything I can think of and find in articles and online psychology resources. How can one explain their needs to a sz in a way they will understand when they take everything as an offense. and I mean ev er y thing.

A vacation is a fantasy for me… I think I might loose my mind if everything stays as it has been…

money, who controls it? does he smoke? who controls the purchase? does he drive? who holds the key? bribery is a good way…

get into a habit of leaving every Friday night and return Saturday, stay at a nice hotel, eat good, have drink or two, find a couple Young studs to work you over good, every weekend…

Thanks so much GSSP. I think I WILL be looking at cheap local hotels to go stay.
Money is too tight to have issues with it, thankfully. haha… He is on disability and many of our bills are automatically withdrawn from the account. :wink: That makes it nice financially anyway. He does drive which terrifies me but I make sure I am available any time he wants to and then I ask if I can come along. He knows I always drive if I’m in the car so he drives…only when he is the only one able. He does smoke and shop on his own. For our first 2 years it was difficult to tell he had any problems…but then when his meds were changed it all got destroyed.
I can see this forum will help give me sanity again and I really appreciate you responding. :slight_smile: I can’t tell you how refreshing it is just to have contact with others who struggle too… <3

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I have mastered this shit, I no longer struggle, I play often and travel often…

:slight_smile: then I will pay close attention to your advice :wink: thank you so much.

That’s what I am trying to focus on as well. I have a whiteboard with a list of chores and his name next to some and my name next to some…it helped for a while but it’s a “need to be reminded a few times” kind of thing. I loose patience having to remind…feel like I’m nagging.

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Wow. Heard and heard! Not sure I’ve got the advice but let me know what you find to keep your own sanity because mines getting a little… soft.

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Feeling like I’m nagging… or preaching at a five year old…
Yup. It’s tough. Try and remind ourselves what we love and value and try to remember little things to do just for ourselves.
I have missed traveling more than any of it I think…
Covid hasn’t helped the ‘out to play’ thing, but that will pass too. I’m just trying to avoid the depression before it gets out of hand…

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I find that the things that have helped lessen my stress is: letting go of expectations, finding the info needed to understand the problem, and now that I have found this place…talking to others who understand. of course it’s different for everyone…going for walks, hiking or any kind of exercise as well as making sure diet and vitamins are kept up properly is jut as important for sz and it is for us. When I feel overly tired or can’t handle it I try to just stay to myself and watch some good movies or get out of the house for a bit…take extra vitamin b :wink:

You nailed em all! For me anyways… I feel like I’m watching myself post! :+1:t3: :wink:
Letting go of expectations was tough because the behaviors were changing so much and often enough that I’d find myself frustrated with some things that I was either taking for granted (like toothbrushing?) or hadn’t anticipating suddenly showing up and becoming an issue (apparently lost his comprehension of how the postal system works and didn’t want to put his mail in a postal box. I thought maybe it was some strange new phobia of sticking his hand in a mailbox. And he refused to switch anything over electronically because of a fear of his bank account being linked to the internet, even though we all know the access has been there the whole time. SO this made it difficult to get some bills in his name payed because he wouldn’t let me do it. As you can imagine… frustrating. Expectation of normal very simple functional behavior, gone. To crazy town. Sigh.)

Yup! Up the B Vitamins, get in a good couple meals with a nice piece of salmon… try and get my body moving and take time to enjoy fresh air and sun on my skin!! :+1:t3:

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life is made of moments…so they say… its hard to take time to enjoy the little ones…haha

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Just found and read your other thread Holly. Good to have you. Welcome!

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I feel like we are in same place. I’m just understanding what being a wife to a schizophrenic husband is all about . I feel so alone sometimes. This site helps me a lot.

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It’s really interesting to read about, that’s about all I have to say. I have schizophrenia and my parents are really pushing me to marry before they retire I think out of caring for my future. They discourage me from showing interest in guys with mental illness that I meet at support group. It’s really hard getting some people to take meds and practice self care. I am on Reddit where they often say schizophrenia is caused by actual demons and not just chemicals in the brain. They act like that’s why some people choose noncompliance, that hospital wards are traumatizing, meds are “scary”, and doing things suggested by therapy like practice self care and live normally are bad. Even though I have this illness, I don’t understand the nature of schizophrenia very deeply and believe my relapses and certain aspects of my life including thoughts have been deliberately caused by my doctor or past doctors.