I keep going back and forth with my husband. He has a lot of negative symptoms, poverty of thought, won’t initiate anything, is slow thinking, have to help him with scheduling things, help him think through problems. I used to do these things freely, and didn’t mind doing them because I loved him. But lately I have been thinking I am tired of doing these things for him, and his mother keeps calling me to remind him of things. I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life. It makes me sad and depressed. I feel I am being drained of energy. I think I need to set a boundary. I am going today to drop off some things to him, then I am going home and won’t see him for 2 weeks. (We live separately) I need to heal and take a break.
Drain it right, 5 star hotel, great food, get liquered up, gang bang 4 or 5 young studs, works for me… lol
I hear you! My husband is a lot more functional than yours, but still quite prone to paranoia about me, so I am walking on eggshells all the time. It is exhausting.
I’ve been thinking about what I need for 2020 and whether my staying in the house is helping at this point vs. just prolonging an untenable long-term situation.
Because his family lives quite far away, there is no one but me to buy him food etc. as he is housebound with delusions/paranoia and I am starting to wonder whether my presence is making it too easy for my husband, his family and his psychiatrist to persist in this very long course of passive waiting for things to somehow get better.
Sounds like you need a break. Also space to do things that you enjoy in life. Is there anyone that can take part in spending a day a week with him while you go and do something on your own and try to build your life a little more.
I understand completely how this journey makes you feel depressed and it is hard to get your own life working.
Sending love to you xx
Exhausting and draining and depressing is so right on. My MI partner has struggled with organization and planning to the point where his environment and personal hygiene were a great concern in the past. Planning anything to get done or what most of us consider common sense were/can be difficult. I used to think he’d be messing with me and it took awhile for me to realize some things he just really wasn’t getting at all. It’s gotten better with practice and I try and remind myself how far we’ve come and try to feel blessed for small accomplishments. Not always easy. Reminding myself that he’s sick but also not allowing it to be an excuse for downright wrong behavior. It’s a balance. It’s exhausting and it gets tough to practice empathy when we feel there’s zero in return.