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Have to ask, Wld you still marry your spouse?


#1

If you could go back in time and you knew what your journey would be with a spouse that has sz would you still marry that person?

I’m only two yrs into the marriage he’s a decade younger and we don’t have kids so I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind am so utterly confused.

Minor update on him he’s still inpatient hasn’t called me and I dropped off clothes. Told the social worker when she called he needs to take his meds to come home and in sure he did not take that well. He’s never been inpatient and not been calling me so either he met another girl or he’s so mad or he really wants a divorce irk but I miss him sooo much I feel weak like I might call to check on him but I’m scared he will be nasty so that keeps me from dialing


#2

The first time my son went inpatient, he got worse for a few days before he started getting better. It was involuntary & he tried to escape, so maybe it was the shock of it.

You have no idea what’s going on in his head, and I’ve been told it’s common for people to not call or accept visits at first. I know it will be hard, but don’t try to guess if he’s met someone else or if he’s mad or wants a divorce or what. In fact, I wouldn’t take too much of what he says to heart when he’s sick.

I’ve been married for 28 years. I used to freak out at every single thing that happened & think it was going to be the end of the relationship. Looking back, I think my husband may have been mildly bipolar (it runs in the family) or had something else going on that he seems to have aged out of.

Basically, my husband always thought I was cheating on him no matter what I did or didn’t do. And, it’s pretty hard to prove that you didn’t do something. Otherwise, he was OK. The problem was I never knew when he would go on some kind of rant. Now, I know it was probably delusional disorder, but at the time I thought it was just from trauma while he was growing up & the fact that pretty much everyone he knew from his mother to his sister to his friends slept around.

It all suddenly ended like someone flipped a switch in his mid 40’s, but I feel like it robbed me of something and I can still be a little bitter about it. If I had to go back and live my life over again, I wonder if I would have still even wanted to meet him. He’s a great person in most ways, and he was truly the love of my life, but were the good times worth the bad? It’s hard to say. Some days, I think I would have still done it - other times, I think I wouldn’t.

My original point was that after about 7/8 years, I had a moment where I realized that if we did split up, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. We both had a life before the marriage, and we could both have a life after the marriage. It was a liberating thought and a very healthy thing for me.

If you choose to stay with your husband, it will be like any other marriage. There will be good times and there will be bad times, but you have to decide if you are strong enough to weather more times like these if he won’t stay in treatment. If you’re enabling him in any way, and that’s an easy thing to do, the marriage might not be healthy for either of you.

While he’s in the hospital and not ready to talk to you, maybe it would help if you saw a therapist to discuss both his illness and your marriage?

If you want to call to check on him, you’ll probably have to go through the nurse’s station. You can always check to see how he’s doing without speaking to him. I don’t think it’s weak at all to want to call. Maybe he’s not calling because he thinks you don’t want to talk to him?

If I wanted to call, I’d call - I wouldn’t worry about him being nasty or some other girl.


#3

Thank you for your words. He got out was kind of sort of ok for a few days and I couldn’t stop him from drinking beer last night and once again he completely flipped out and not only got violent with me but also intentionally hurt himself and so he went to the ER and I figured they would bring him to inpatient nope he lied and said he burned himself on accident and they released him but he called he cops on himself again and they took him involuntarily to inpatient.

Yeah he’s on the whole I want you dead I want a divorce I don’t love you tip again

Still hurts but I’m weathering through

I had a long talk with his social worker today I made sure she was aware of his history and previous lengthy inpatient hospitalizations. I explained everything thoroughly and gave examples of how his behavior is escalating and becoming more aggressive and erratic.

She has been his social worker at this same facility for a good two months now and he’s been in and out of there about four times and she is also finally seeing that he is getting worse. She said it to me as well.

We discussed the one month shot of antipsychotic meds. There is a weekend doctor on now who probably won’t give it but heybfiled on him again and I’m his proxy as soon as they call and he will at least get one dose.

The social worker told me she is going to fight for the one month shot and fight to keep him there longer she’s really on board with everything this time.

She said he’s been expressing homicidal thoughts in regards to me. And then a second later crying and saying he loves me all that so right now that might work in our favor insofar as the doc might actually consider the one month shot.

Fingers crossed he gets the month shot


#4

Thank you for updating here. I’m glad your husband is inpatient.


#5

When things get bad, I have to remind myself over & over that the horrible things they can say are the illness - and it’s not personal.

The shots were a miracle for my son. If they give him Invega, they will start him on the pills to make sure he doesn’t have a bad reaction and they see some improvement. Then, they will give him his first shot and keep him there until they can give him his second one 5 to 7 days later and if he’s greatly improved they may let him come home soon afterwards. For my son, it was the same day he got the second shot. I think he went in extremely psychotic and came out in about 10 to 12 days fairly calm and with a few delusions that he talked about less and less each day until he pretty much stopped talking about them altogether. They have explained to me that the initial improvement is dramatic, but it takes months for it to be fully effective and you can see gradual improvement throughout that time. Some parents here have said they’re still seeing improvements a year or more later.

The next shot was 4 weeks later, but I did notice it started to wear off just a little about a week earlier than that - and it takes about 5 days from the shot to get into their system. So far, my son is willing to get the shots, and I’m very thankful. Although, early on, he did say he wasn’t going to get them out of the hospital and his case manager managed to change his mind.

If he takes the shot, then refuses and gets violent towards you again, maybe you’ll have to take it to court and get the shots court ordered? If you want to make this work, you may have to make hard decisions like that. Also, if you haven’t already, it may be a good time to start making a very brief diary of his daily symptoms & reactions to meds so that you can use it as documentation if you do need to do anything official. It’s also good to have so you can look backwards and remind yourself of how he’s improved or what caused problems. In the heat of the moment, we think we’ll never forget, but things happen so fast, it’s hard to keep it all straight without something like that.

Hopefully, the shots work for him and this will be the answer for both of you. Good luck & don’t worry too much.


#6

Thank you so much. Well the “weekend doctor” can’t do such a large dose so he ordered twice daily doses.

I can predict that he will show clarity and present well by the time the normal weekday doctor sees him on Monday and probably be released.

I hope not. I hope that the nurse and the social worker and myself can convince the doctor that he needs to either be kept longer or given a larger dose.

I don’t have my hopes up. I’m feeling finished with the Florida mental health system I’ve got a friend in Nj who can help me get him admitted for 30 days where he went last a few years ago and I’m thinking of this last round here at this center doesn’t work we might have to make a temporary move to Nj for him to stabilize.

But he also doesn’t want to see me and wants a divorce so I have no idea what will happen from here on out.

I still love him and I pray he gains insight and wants to stay in our marriage.

Most of all I pray he recovers.