Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How often do you call or visit when your loved one is in the hospital?


#1

My husband is again in the hospital. Praying he asks for seroquel for sleep since it is also an antipsychotic.

How often do you call or visit your loved one? I will probably go to see him tomorrow. I’d like to give him a heads up. He called me yesterday to connect with me- I hope the delusions about me are gone for good- and of course I’d like to hear from him today. Being a man, and given our relationship currently, I am afraid that calling him will bug him.

Thanks!


#2

@Sadwife if you really want to visit you should visit, with a serious mental illness, being" bugged" or moody is kind of part of the package until he is actually stable for awhile…when he does get stable he will know you were there for him… I hope he takes the Seroquel too, If it is presented to him with the emphasis on it helping him get better sleep at night he may be more open to using it…it does help sleep so that fact is true. Call me an optimist but I have high hopes for you guys even if it takes awhile… :tulip:


#3

The frequency and length of my visits varies on my son’s current status. If he went into the hospital unwillingly and is angry, I sometimes stay away for a day or two. I make sure to touch base with his assigned nurse each day and ask that they give him the message that I called and hope he is well.

Then he usually starts calling me and asking me to visit.

If the visit goes well, I stay as long as he is enjoying time together. If it deteriorates, I quickly leave saying, we will try again tomorrow.


#4

I saw him in the hospital tonight. I realized something several of you have been trying to tell me. He was very pessimistic on the phone about our relationship, etc. last night. I have been a basket case since.

When I went in the ward he was waiting for me inside the door. He was in a good mood. After a while we talked about our relationship and I realized that he is so up and down that I can’t take it personally, just like you all said. He said that in terms of our relationship, he’s happy we are developing rapport because we have to crawl before we can walk again. I really was thrilled to hear that. When I left, I was thanking the nurse for being so kind to him and she told me that when he saw me get out of the car, he told her “There she is!” and went to wait for me. I’m taking that as hopeful for our relationship.

We discussed his property damage to the house that started this journey. He seemed unaware that there was blood everywhere and he’d broken furniture in my children’s rooms. He only recalled punching holes in the walls. Not 14 holes, though.

He’s being released Monday, which worries me. I saw just how emotionally fragile he is. I think when I talk with him or see him, I believe the bluster of his words. I really have to learn to do as some of you have said and ignore it. Telling him he’ll have to get the divorce seems to have slowed down his talking about it, so that’s good. He admitted he’s still sorting out seeing me in the past (his delusions about me), but he seems to be questioning them although they are fixed.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. I hope he doesn’t divorce me and we can work on this. At this point I’d rather him be in my life, even knowing the challenges, than not. All I can do is pray, I guess.

Thanks again to you all. You’re really the only people that I can talk to. Even my counselor is adamant that I divorce him due to all this… so I can’t process it with her. My friends and family will disown me if we reconcile, even my bipolar friend who is in and out of hospitals. If we do reconcile, he has a few conditions: move out of this house (my ex husband lives across the street), and potentially leave our state. I have a child about to graduate high-school as well as children in middle school. That’s terrifying even if I don’t consider his mental illness. I know I’m “putting the cart before the horse” and the bigger issue is him getting real help, but I can’t stop worrying.


#5

@Sadwife It sounds like your visit was a positive one and you sound like you and he have some newfound hope…that is really important…don’t let others opinions of you and your relationship dictate your decisions, this is your life and he is your husband…the decisions belong to you and him (when he is able to deal)…like you said…you have to crawl before you can walk…those that love you unconditionally will let you work through all of this in the way that you see fit…regardless of the outcome. Your counselor shouldn’t “be adamant” on anything like a divorce if you aren’t fully on board with it…they can suggest it as an option or say that that might be what they would do in that situation but respectfully they have to allow you your own feelings and decisions in the matter. Counseling is suppose to help you open up not prevent you from being able to vent on certain sensitive subjects. Maybe you could see a different one. I had to change counselors for a similar reason. Take one day at a time…sometimes one hour at a time. Have you located a Mental Health Ombudsman in your county? They really are a wealth of resource information if you can find one in your area.