My schizophrenic, alcoholic boyfriend dumped me two days ago. I can handle the schizophrenia on its own, but he keeps making it worse by binge drinking and sometimes turning to drugs. He can drink for five days straight, he has gave himself seizures from drinking.
I tried to help him stay sober and support him. He had a drug induced psychotic episode, got lifted by the police - they rang me because his sister was on holiday. He was admitted to hospital and put into isolation, no visitors for a month.
It was a scary, harrowing experience. One month of anxiety and uncertainty, going into work everyday and trying not to cry. When he finally got discharged, I thought he would have learnt his lesson.
He relapsed on alcohol after one month, he ghosted me so he could party for nearly two months while I waited and prayed for him to recover. He told me he couldn’t talk because of the tremors he was getting from the injection - when infact he made them worse by drinking. I was furious when I found out - I was already in a fragile place from the hospitalisation. I went through one month of anxiety and tears, visited him in the hospital and brought him snacks - only for him to pick alcohol over me when I needed him. He acted very cold and dismissive towards me, showed no empathy. It surprised me, I expected him to be more understanding and apologetic
I drink and use drugs occasionally, but he uses that against me. He blames cocaine for my anxiety and emotional instability, even though I haven’t taken it in months. I have tried to explain over and over how his behaviour has impacted me. He would swing between apologising to deflecting and blaming.
Naturally, I’ve been very resentful and angry, he expects me to just get over it, he was complaining about me being “bitchy and disrespectful” as if I’m the one dragging the relationship into the dirt, his distance has also triggered my trust issues and has led to me having outbursts, I apologised for that. But he won’t understand the shift in my behaviour. I’ve also been distant and numb because I’m still shocked from all of it - he accused me of cheating and wanted to look through my phone. It’s alright for him to ditch me for weeks to binge drink and come running back to me when it suits him, yet when I wanted some space, he didn’t like it. He told me that I should stay off drugs because it leads to sneaky behaviour and that if I do it again, he’ll dump me. Accused me of being controlling and manipulative. I’ve had to contact his family members when he’s gone off the rails several times, I’ve had to run after him. He’s never had to do that with me.
He’s not the same person anymore. I ended up screaming at him down the phone, he blocked me on everything. I panicked and cried at first, but I decided to let him go. . I’ve finally accepted that I truly lost him when he took those edibles, I’ve spent the last six months grieving the relationship. This guy is a danger to himself, there’s nothing I can do - he’s going to end up in an early grave and I won’t be there to watch. If being hospitalised in A&E and having to stay in an isolation chamber for a month wasn’t reason enough for him to change his ways and stay sober, then he’s lost cause. I’m so used to him going AWOL on me - for the last few months I felt like I was single anyway, I had to go four months without sex too. I feel calmer now that I don’t to constantly worry or fret over a grown man, waiting for the next crisis. I dont the chaos and anxiety in my life.
This place has helped so much when I was feeling lonely and scared. If any of you are dealing with this, my heart goes out to you because I would never wish this on anyone.